Can I ask how a 'normal' person would feel about this minor thing?

[twirlypoo]

I feel a total idiot asking this, but I'm trying really hard to keep myself on track and need someone who has healthy relationships what they would do/ feel.

Quick background: I have always had abusive / ea relationships. Last one ended 4 yrs ago when I was pregnant, and I tried really hard with a years psychotherapy to sort out my reactions / self esteem so it doesn't happen again.

I've just started dating again after aforementioned 4 years break and have met up with lovely guy who's a friend of a friend. We are on date 4, and I really like him but am trying not to get ahead of myself.

Ds sees his dad once a month for the day and it's the only break I really get. I'd arranged to meet new guy on sat when Ds with his dad. We were meeting lunch time out then going back to his to watch films and get a take away on the evening.

He texted me last night to say he had been asked to watch football with his mates and now wouldn't be free till 5pm.

I feel really hurt like he's got a better offer and have replied quite breezily saying not to worry and I'll pass on seeing him and just meet my friends instead (a lie, I'd do housework ) and he says that's an over reaction and he would just meet me later on.

Am I right in what I did or am I over reacting? In the past I would have just said no probs I'll see you at 6 or something, but I'm trying to have self esteem and value my time.

Am I being a princess or was I right in reacting the way I did?

Sorry for massive post. I've been trying to figure this out since last night! (In case it's a factor, I do really want to see him, but not if its wrong thing!)

You are right to feel put out OP. He made a plan with you. Your time flipping well is precious, especially as a lone parent with no support! Lives with his parents now does he? Hmm mm. I dated someone a couple of years ago who had temporarily moved back home after a nasty break up. I would bet good money he still lives with them.
Manchild I reckon. Next!

Oops, read full thread now, soz!
I wish you good luck, and well done for standing your ground! I think whatever happens with his guy, you will be fine, and that's the main thing

I think his apology seems very genuine and it is about him understanding that he'll have to grow up if he wants to have a relationship with you. Perhaps when you next get the chance to have a discussion with him you can clearly state that you are not interested in being f*ck buddies it's an exclusive relationship until one of you ends it.

It is a learning curve and well done you for sticking up for yourself and showing him that you're worth it

Bit of an over reaction I think. Understandable given your history but sometimes it's easy to go too far the other way.

I think it's helpful sometimes to flip it around and look from the other side. If you came on here telling the story but as a new man doing it to you; you'd get replies saying 'red flag, controlling, are you supposed to have no life apart from him, angry man etc'.

I hope he made the breakfast, OP?! If yes, glad to see he wants to make amends.

I think your radar is in fine working order, and if him turning up this morning felt genuine (and not pushy) to you, then trust your instinct.

Yay, well done OP, he does sound worth a second chance, and hopefully he can see now that he needs to think (and be grateful) when he's got an opportunity to spend to time with you, and make the most of it! xx

Awww lovely, that's a good, genuinely nice thing for him to do, and it shows he does want to spend time with you.

All the best in the future, keep valuing yourself and your time, and holding the man in your life to a high standard, and I'm sure things will work out brilliantly for you

Ok, aww at him turning up with breakfast!

If he knew that this is your only free day this month, then yes, you did the right thing. Otherwise, if he doesn't know, I wouldn't give it too much importance

Oops, just read the thread. Nice of him!

Always I agree. Besides, he didnt cancel, he just tried to reschedule, but in a rude fashion. He appears to be a quick learner though! Showing up with breakfast is a good comeback!

That's lovely OP, and though you've had lots of support on this thread, I agree with the poster who said you did it all yourself. You stood up for yourself and taught him that you are a person to be valued.
If you hadn't, you'd have got a drunken shag at the end of someone's day. But you have created in him an expectation that you deserve to be properly wooed and cared for. Keep it up. Don't let it slip. Don't tell him about EA and self esteem issues. let him think of you as someone who feels good about herself and expects to be well treated.

I think he deserves a chance. Lots of men test for doormats. I remember once early on making DH breakfast in bed as a surprise and his only response was a peevish: 'Where are my vitamin pills? You didn't put them on the tray.' I got the pills and said very coldly: if you ever speak to me like that again you will never see me again.' Then I went out and had breakfast on my own in a park café. He was crawling on his belly by the time I got back and he never has spoken to me like that again, not in 20 years.

Lovely news, OP. The important thing is that you pointed out where your boundaries are straight off.

It is so hard when you permit all kinds of crap and then afterwards try to get them to change their ways.

And now it sounds like, actually, he is that into you. Well done and good luck.

OP, your instincts sound fine. As long as he's learned from his mistake and doesn't keep expecting you to dance to his tune, then yes, by all means give him another chance.

My DP did something like this in the early days through sheer thoughtlessness. Tthe difference being when he realised I was upset about it he tried to make amends immediately rather than telling me I was over reacting. Everyone makes mistakes. You've handled it brilliantly. Try not to get too deeply involved at this early stage, though.

A last final update from me, but I got dumped (can you get dumped after only 4 dates?) this evening by the guy. Apparently he doesn't think we would work as I have a little boy, and that although the sex is amazing that wouldn't be enough long term.

So, I'm feeling like at least I know what is / was going on, but the fact he thinks all I was good for for sex stings a bit. I replied saying thanks for being honest and that I hope he meets someone lovely. He sent a few texts back and then why, why, why did I do this.... But I sent a photo of me in my bra saying I hope he knew what he was missing. I'm so bloody cross and embarrassed with myself. It just felt like a way to piss on his chips a bit and make him want me but not be able to have me.

I'm clearly sooooo not bloody ready for this if that's how I handle being dumped. Anyway. Thank you all for helping me in the beginning, I'm off to try and sort myself out a bit, I'm feeling like a fed up idiot right now

Nope he was just being an immature twat!

Onwards and upwards and your radar was right so that is good

Well, there you go. You wanted something real, he wanted a fuck buddy but wasn't honest enough to say so. Your radar didn't fail you.

However, I am cringing on your behalf about the bra photo. Promise yourself never to do that again - and please stop contacting him. If you want a fuck buddy find one with no previous relationship to you.

Onward and upward.

Ah well, it's a result: you both know where you stand, before you've invested too much. You want decent treatment, he wants a convenient shag, it's not a match.

You did everything with strength and dignity. Until the bra photo. Forgive yourself: you're only human.

Tell me you didn't shag him yesterday when he made his last ditch attempt to get laid this weekend?

The fact that you wouldn't make yourself available for sex at his convenience put him off.

What a prick.

You'll find somebody better.

I hope he doesn't find some poor lovely woman to use for sex.

I've just told my friend about the bra photo and she has made me feel loads better by laughing at me and telling me what an idiot I am (kindly!) to be fair he did reply saying that he would miss them..... Oh god, oh god, oh god. At least I've ensured a way of making sure I can't ever face him again should my resolve weaken when he contacts me again (I get the impression I will get drunken texts)

See, that's what your twat radar is for. Weed them out early.

You've done really well (i'm ignoring the bra incident, but like pp said, forgive yourself and acknowledge that you have done well to notice and lose the twat nice and quickly).

You have learned a lot from this. Only Proper dates (out-out!) for at least the first six dates id say! Let's see effort. No Sex until date 4 at least. Trust your instincts.

And No more sexting dirty photos. Block his number just in case he tries to contact you again.

No, didn't shag him yesterday - he tried and I sort of made a point (to myself) of not so I could test what was going on.... I guess I know the answer now!