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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can I ask how a 'normal' person would feel about this minor thing?

277 replies

twirlypoo · 15/05/2015 06:49

I feel a total idiot asking this, but I'm trying really hard to keep myself on track and need someone who has healthy relationships what they would do/ feel.

Quick background: I have always had abusive / ea relationships. Last one ended 4 yrs ago when I was pregnant, and I tried really hard with a years psychotherapy to sort out my reactions / self esteem so it doesn't happen again.

I've just started dating again after aforementioned 4 years break and have met up with lovely guy who's a friend of a friend. We are on date 4, and I really like him but am trying not to get ahead of myself.

Ds sees his dad once a month for the day and it's the only break I really get. I'd arranged to meet new guy on sat when Ds with his dad. We were meeting lunch time out then going back to his to watch films and get a take away on the evening.

He texted me last night to say he had been asked to watch football with his mates and now wouldn't be free till 5pm.

I feel really hurt like he's got a better offer and have replied quite breezily saying not to worry and I'll pass on seeing him and just meet my friends instead (a lie, I'd do housework Grin) and he says that's an over reaction and he would just meet me later on.

Am I right in what I did or am I over reacting? In the past I would have just said no probs I'll see you at 6 or something, but I'm trying to have self esteem and value my time.

Am I being a princess or was I right in reacting the way I did?

Sorry for massive post. I've been trying to figure this out since last night! (In case it's a factor, I do really want to see him, but not if its wrong thing!)

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 17/05/2015 22:22

(Was your face in the dirty photo too?)

peacoat · 17/05/2015 22:22

Or if you can't block him put him down as "Sleazy Wanktard" or something

Dowser · 17/05/2015 22:23

All I can offer is

Oh dear!

Yes, please promise you will never, ever do anything like that again.

twirlypoo · 17/05/2015 22:25

Sleazy wanktard has a certain ring to it yes Grin

I kind of feel a bit relieved under all the mortification. I'm not sure why? I mean, I'm disappointed, but partly I think that's because it would have been nice for it to have worked out and for him to have been 'the one' rather than have to go through dating etc again.

And photo was on snapchat so thank god there will be no lasting evidence of my fall from grace / dignity!

OP posts:
Dowser · 17/05/2015 22:26

Thank goodness you didn't yesterday.

He sounds 18 not 32

We teach others how to treat us, but honestly I think you need a real man next time.

He sounds like a bit of a barn and still wet behind the ears!

Dowser · 17/05/2015 22:28

Good job Any Fucker hasn't come along!

She would not have let you down so lightly.

You have been warned ;-)

Dowser · 17/05/2015 22:29

At least you've been honest.

So no need to self flagellate yourself!

You didn't have to tell us!

Dowser · 17/05/2015 22:30

Bairn

Not barn!

Dowser · 17/05/2015 22:31

Gawd! Has everyone gone to bed already!

twirlypoo · 17/05/2015 22:32

Genuinely a little bit scared of her reaction Grin

Honestly, I feel a twat. I feel like I was ok, right up until the rejection part and then I lost it. Which ties in with the stuff I was dealing with in therapy. So, it wasn't exactly an un-textbook response from me and I'm disappointed in myself for that, but also glad I can recognise why/ what I was doing. Does that make sense?

It may be another 4 years before I venture back out there into the world of dating Confused

OP posts:
twirlypoo · 17/05/2015 22:34

Oh dowser, are you a northerner too? Bairn is from my neck of the woods!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 17/05/2015 22:35

ahem

twirlypoo · 17/05/2015 22:36

Shit..... Grin

OP posts:
PinkSquash · 17/05/2015 22:37

Don't worry about the photo, I think we've all done something cringy once or twice. If I were you, I would delete him number and block him in every way you can so he can't contact you and you can't contact him.

PinkSquash · 17/05/2015 22:38

Btw Twirlypoo, I bloody love your username. I always sing it when the theme tune is on. Wink

Pollyswall · 17/05/2015 22:38

So the breakfast was him trying for a parting shag, WHICH HE DIDN'T GET.

You did fine twirly.

Dowser · 17/05/2015 22:42

Quote
AnyFucker
ahem

Hilarious!

Why aye lass!

Momagain1 · 17/05/2015 22:44

Well, you got most of the way through the process with goid instincts and dignity.

Better luck next time.

Dowser · 17/05/2015 22:45

Youve dodged a bullet of being messed around for months before being dumped twirlypoo!

Be proud of yourself

Dowser · 17/05/2015 22:48

He certainly wasn't stepdad material.

Could've been your boy that was let down too.

If you'd had a nice day out with him planned.

twirlypoo · 17/05/2015 22:49

Thank you all again for being lovely and not making me feel even worse for the bra thing. My friend has just sent me a photo of 2 fried eggs so at least I'm smiling again now and a bullet had been dodged even if my pride is dented.

Pink squash I sing that too - Ds shouts at me and tells me off for it though!

Right, I'm off to bed to try and wake up tomorrow to put this all behind me. A new day and a new start eh?

Thank you all again, it really has been a massive help Thanks

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 17/05/2015 22:49

You know you can screenshot snaps, right?

Just for future reference.

Sorry he was a prick!

AnyFucker · 17/05/2015 22:51
Wine
Dowser · 17/05/2015 22:52

Yes goodnight.

Hope you get a good nights sleep.

It's a new day tomorrow ;-)

twirlypoo · 17/05/2015 22:53

No, def not step dad material - it helps a lot if I think of it in terms of what sort of a person Ds needs in his life, but I was trying to have standards for me as well - which was where it went a bit wonky!

Screenshots of snapchats show up when they are taken, so I had a lucky escape that he didn't. Dating was so much simpler back when there wasn't these bloody apps and stuff. I used to write letters to my ex for gods sake. It would have taken me a week to get a photo back from the chemist back then by which time I would have hopefully come to my senses. Modern world has made things harder to make a fool of myself Grin

OP posts: