if you were asked out on a date by a woman you've just met

[beaglesaresweet]

I mean, not just asked out under pretence, but actually for a drink and 'to see how you feel'. If you were a single woman over 50, and not had gay relationships but if you were 'off men', not dating and bad recent history with men, would you be curious enough to at least go on a date without giving any promises? Assuming you do like the look and personality of the person who asked you, of course.

What I really want to know is, how many women would consider an experiment with a stranger who appealed to them in general terms, at least as far as kissing. And how many would reject it out of habit of a lifetime, or the fact that they are not open-minded enough?

Would you feel that because you've never done it before by your 50s-60s, there is no point expermenting as you can't be attarcted and it would be too ridiculous or reckless ?

I was reading about Navratilova, apparently she came out as a bi- first, but really she calls herself gay now. Her wife had a husband and kids before. But you know, this is celebs, would an older 'normal' woman with grown kids be brave enough)?

Another question, would you ignore the offer if not interested, I'm talking about texting or online, or would you politely reply with a 'no thanks' and be flattered if you've only met that woman once?

Beagle feel fee to correct me if I am wring but you have just said that your mutual people are not friends yet from your posts you seem to know so much about her and her personality and what she likes and doesn't like yet you have only met briefly. I wonder if you have seen too much into her that actually isn't there. Also you say you could do better if you talked face to face. Maybe she is just not into women at all as I mentioned before and has completely backed off from contact in any way. It's not necessarily rude in my opinion but more that she is not happy you emailed her at her business address when she hadn't given you any contact details initially. What if someone else opened the email and this has caused her distress. Just a thought.

Millli, I don't know that much about her -just that she was married and have kids, the mutual friend is more a friend of mine (but not very close so I wouldn't share this with her), but only an acquantance of the woman. Also the woman herself mentioned her divorces at the social gathering (it was informal), the whole thing was informal and all good-humoured so I assumed she is informal, but maybe not so much. And yes, it was once but a few hours long sort of event. I didn't email her at work, I mean it's not the official business email but her own on her card (she gave out cards to several people). I know a bit of extra info from my friend too, but not a lot. I did put a title on the email that meant it was for her presonally, just in case.

I really don't think she is 'distressed' - she's just quite liberal in outlook and as I said doesn't care what people (who are not close) think, from how she generally presents herself and she said a few things about her personality, I just don'y want to put everything on here. Otoh she probably thought it was just ridiculous or nonsense, or is just irritated by my informal direct approach as she is not interested and maybe not as informal as she was appearing socially. In my defense I apologised for my offer if it was too ridiculous in her eyes. You know, it doesn't take long to get a measure of some attitudes from a person, and I'm quite good at reading people - but I mean socially, not of course personal tastes or sexuality as much.

OP, yes I think it's all about the individual, rather than just the gender for people like us. I mean, obviously it's not just about the gender for anyone (I hope) but for most women on the straighter end of the spectrum, I think gender is number one. Like my gf is 100 % gay and would say she could never be physically attracted to a man, regardless of his personality. It is strange when I think about how differently I used to feel. Now, even men who I look at and think "he's really hot!" and assume that I must therefore be attracted to him, only to find that the idea of even just kissing that man, just kind of feels very ....meh. It's feelings like that that make me wonder if I am in fact, a lesbian...100% It doesn't really matter, but I think I would feel more relaxed if I was completely one way or another. Might sound strange to some, but it's very hard to imagine if you're not in the same situation. Sorry, going on now. Have you considered joining any dating sites? Doesn't have the same, or any, stigma attached to it now and if you really are curious and eager to get out there, it can be extra hard for our lot in rl, so dating sites can be very helpful.

Estcal, with men I genuinely found it to be the case, obviously not ALL, but vast majority of men that I fancied to any extent wre also attracted to me. I don't know how many fancied me who I didn't fancy back, but what I mean, imo I wasn't usually rejected if I fancied a man, with few exceptions mainly if he was unavailable or maybe much younger.

That makes complete sense to me. When I was young enough to be fanciable, if I fancied a man he fancied me back.
But it wasn't always mutual because a lot of men who I didn't find at all attractive would fancy me. Now I'm too old to be fancied by anyone, so it's no longer an issue

i hope she does respond. if it were me i'd be flattered and i probably would go if i were available.

notthe, yes it all makes sense. I wouldn't say i'm 'eager to get out there' in abstract though, I'm not really eager apart from a few women I come across but as none of these few were gay/bi, I didn't suggest anything. It's the first time I've suggested a date to any woman. I'm not completely meh about some of te men but very few again, and still not enough to actually act on it somehow. I want to be in love, i've somehow lost interest in just sex even if with anyone nice.

I've now got repliues from all people who I thought could have texted me on monday, and htey all said they didn't. The damned disappearing text bothers me - what if it was her and all she's got was silence from me in return? Do you think if this was the case, she'd text again? of course if it was a text to say 'no' she wouldn't have. I just don't know what to do about it. Again if it was me on the receiving end, I'd text again, so I still assume it wasn't her, but arghh who knows?

Estcal, yeah, men are not very choosy when young, when it comes to young pretty women.

Sorry OP but you're being a bit of an obsessive teenager about this! I don't think she did text you. In the very unlikely event that she did text you and it got lost, she will get in touch again, or you will bump into each other, or it's just not meant to happen!

yes, I need to be told off, Emma. We aer very unlikely to bump into each oter, but I agree that it's either meant to be or not, so will try to calm down now.

as far as a text being an 'unlikely event', If she wanted to be discreet or secretive about it, texting is a lot beeter than e-mail, that's why I gave her an option to text. You can text from any new sim untraceable to you, whereas e-mail is 'official' and can be kept. I'm just thinking if she was worried about social embarassment then she'd rather text.

I'm not saying it's unlikely she will text you, just that it's unlikely the text would be lost. I think she has chosen to ignore your message, which is rude of her, but it is a sign that she's probably not as nice as you thought she was.
Can you do something else to take your mind off it? Would you consider doing something else if not to find dates then at least to meet new people you could potentially date?

Emma, well it's only been less than a week since I've met her so I don't feel like rushing into other dates etc. I will of course start looking around in a week or so at other potential dates, but as I say, I'm just quite choosy and don't get interested often. The last man I was intereste in was married so that was a 'no date' of course.
I don't mean it irrationally - I'd got a text but it came out as an old text from a friend - it happened before on my phone and then when I turned it off and on again, the correct message appeared. So this time the friend said she didn't text so the old one got muddled with someone's new text but it never resurfaced when I've turned the phone off-on this time.

I don't understand why the lost text is so unlikely to be from her, surely it's just as likely to have come from her?

yes, Italian, it could have been from her - which is torture. Less likely only because she is not very likely to reply to my offer, but I'd say not less likely than responding by e-mail.

If I were her and cautious, I'd still reply either way but only to say 'yes let's meet for a drink' - so that nothing personal gets written just in case I'm not trustworthy. Unfortunately she doesn't know how trustworthy I am.

And there's no way of tracing said text, putting sim in a new phone (sorry not very tech savvy myself and have only just replaced my dinosaur phone that was horrendous) I do feel your pain, statistically it's just as likely from her than not so you really don't know and can't second guess it, it either might have been or not!

ItalianL (love your name! and the scent of lemons - feel nostalgic for Italy), all I can do is text her or email and check whether she's got my mail, but everyone thinks I shouldn't. I agree not so far, but possibly I should in a couple of days, what do you think?

Nooooooo!

I really think you shouldn't do that

Please don't contact her again!

I've been thinking about this thread a lot.
I'm in my early 50s and I've never been approached by another woman. I get the impression from responses on this thread that this is quite unusual, and am wondering if I should be feeling a bit put out. .
I'm straight. I've never been sexually attracted to another woman and although I suppose it could happen some time in the future, I just can't see it.

In this situation I'd like to think I'd handle it gracefully, but I suspect that I'd be uncertain how to say thanks but no thanks kindly, and would take the cowards's way out, thinking that our paths very likely won't ever cross again so I'd just leave it at that, ie wouldn't reply.

Thanks beagles, Italian lemons are so evocative aren't they, I love them

Well, I'm clearly in the minority because I would email again. Only because of this mysterious lost text mind. I'd keep it brief and lighthearted, explain problem with phone and just wanted to double check if she got message. No harm done. If you are unlikely to bump into her again you'll have no embarrassment to deal with. Cliche I know but you live once, go for it. And please, upgrade your phone!

If she's as open minded and liberal as she say she is then I think she will reply.

Maybe it's a big step for her and she's taking time to think about it?

That said, If you don't hear anything by the end of the week, I think you should forget about her. If her text got lost and she is interested, I'm sure she will try again.

Just out of interest, why did you think she would be interested? Did she give you the eye or chat you up?

I have never been propositioned by a woman either

I was propositioned by a bi woman recently but turned her down gracefully because I'm not into women. I had a threesome with a woman and a man when I was in my twenties but was not turned on by the woman. It was an experience at the time but not one I would like to repeat.

OP I would say if you haven't heard by now she's not interested in you in that way, unless she rarely checks her emails. Sorry.

I'm basing my thoughts on how I would react. If I had met a woman once and got on well with her and then received an email asking me out and it was made clear you fancied me I would have been taken aback. Basically because I had just met you the once and you were aware I had only been involved with men. I understand your paths don't cross so it was the only way you could ask but I would not have been expecting an email on those lines. Good on you for being bold though, nothing ventured nothing gained.

Once my surprise had subsided if I had had any interest in you in that way I would have contacted you. Personally I would have contacted you either way as I think it is good manners, particularly if we had got on. If she hasn't contacted you I would guess she either doesn't know what to say or she's a little embarrassed.

If you would still like to have a friendship with this woman even if nothing further can come of it I don't see the harm in contacting her to say this. If it had been me and I liked you but knew I wouldn't fancy you because of your gender I would be happy to meet up as friends.

As you have said you don't see this woman so you have nothing to lose by sending a 'sorry if I've embarrassed you or misinterpreted the other day but thought we got on and would like to be friends and accept it can't be any more. If I don't hear from you I will assume you're not interested in being friends and I won't contact you again.'

Be nice to think you at least get a response.

Ok, I won't text her to check (I was going to text rather than email again), at least definitely not till the ejnd of the week as ALaugh says. I just have to relax and trust the 'meant to be' (or not). If I do text, Italian, it would of course be brief and apologetic and humourous - the original message was also by no means heavy but tried to be fun and humouous (not like I am on this thread, ha!). But most likely I won't.

ALaugh, I don't think she is, I was just very drawn to her and we had some long eye contact, but this in itself isn't a guarantee of anything. She is also very tomboyish as I said, and we do follow some stereotypes I suppose!

I'd gracefully respond myself, like ALaugh, whether it was a man or a woman, I think it's best to say 'no thanks'. I can't see how it can be difficult, it's just a 'thanks for your message, but I'm not interested in that, best of luck'. I wouldn't leave someone hanging because it would a) leave then with a hope for a while, b)without knowing a person some may become pests or if hte person is a worrier they would write again and check if I've got the message(!), or indeed some maybe unreasonable and angry.

So I'm always very quick not to mislead anyone, also a quick answer looks very decisive and final. If of course anyone persisted, I'd ignore.

AF, I haven't been either!

Door, thanks for your thoughts. I'm sure she was taken aback a bit! I did kind of apologised in advance for this. I'm not sure why you wouldn't know what to say - you mean if you were slightly curious? I've crossed posted above, but surely if not interested, it's easy to say 'thank but that's not me' or similar! Embarassed - yes, maybe, I am worried dthat I've annoyed her and she sees it as disrespectful somehow, I possibly should have been less direct or less informal when I wrote a compliment (it was NOT as crude as mentioning her figure or anything but it was maybe not deferntial - and she is older than me and has a bit of status, but in the same time she is down to earth in her manner so I thought 'd go with that style).