if you were asked out on a date by a woman you've just met

[beaglesaresweet]

I mean, not just asked out under pretence, but actually for a drink and 'to see how you feel'. If you were a single woman over 50, and not had gay relationships but if you were 'off men', not dating and bad recent history with men, would you be curious enough to at least go on a date without giving any promises? Assuming you do like the look and personality of the person who asked you, of course.

What I really want to know is, how many women would consider an experiment with a stranger who appealed to them in general terms, at least as far as kissing. And how many would reject it out of habit of a lifetime, or the fact that they are not open-minded enough?

Would you feel that because you've never done it before by your 50s-60s, there is no point expermenting as you can't be attarcted and it would be too ridiculous or reckless ?

I was reading about Navratilova, apparently she came out as a bi- first, but really she calls herself gay now. Her wife had a husband and kids before. But you know, this is celebs, would an older 'normal' woman with grown kids be brave enough)?

Another question, would you ignore the offer if not interested, I'm talking about texting or online, or would you politely reply with a 'no thanks' and be flattered if you've only met that woman once?

haha!!

Zillie, that was the perfect approach, I was going to suggest to her that if she wasn't interested, could be just have a drink/lunch as I'm interested in her as a person too, but I thought it would be too confusing and also not everyone would accept a lunch knowing the person fancies them. So in my eyes, you ve done it perfectly. Mind you, I'd never approach a married and PG(!) woman, how crazy is that?? unless she thought that having gay siblings makes the woman the same - but come on, not when she is pg, whether it's a man or a woman asking her out. But ok, if she was very young and confused!

She is very skilled socially though (generally). She is either thinking or decided to ignore, which isn't very nice - or anything as nice as you Zillie, but I can see that she is a person who doesn't like 'nonsense' and wouldn't hunour even nice people if she doesn't agree with something. So she may just ignore. Some may say she is a bit arrogant socially, but that also means she doesn't really give a stuff what anyone thinks (to answer Millie re 'how people see her' - especially if I'm the only one who asked her). I'm sure she knows she is a tomboy in style, and that's not news, but of course you can be a hetero tomboy. I mean that she won;t be shocked that a woman could think she was bi.

Thanks, notthestereotype, that's what I might be, a formerly straight but curious. I don;t knock hetero attractions either, but for a few years now I seem to be off men in this sense, some attraction to very few men but never enough to act on it. I'm definitely not switching to women because i had bad relationships with men, some were fine, and it's really few women I could be interested in, like you atm I'm 90% straight but when it's just one or two women it's strong so kind of overpowers the mild attarction I may feel for bigger number of men. I wonder whether you've noticed a fading attarction to men before you've met the woman?

thanks, Cocoa and our - I've had an impression she is a but devil may care, at least curious a little. Good to know that some would!

Pink, you know it's ewww for many women to have oral sex with a man, if it's men IN GENERAL, pretty much I'm the same - and I wouldn't fantasise about oral sex with women generally either. But you are hugely attracted to either man or a woman, suddenly the general ewww feeling doesn't apply. I mean, that's me, I'm not saying it's wrong to fancy all sorts if someone has a vey high sex drive. To me it's never really just physical, at least not since I was in my 30s.

thanks, Twochips. How long, do you think, could she take if it's a positive answer?
Has everyone now decided she's ignored me?

'Acacius', Zillie - haha!

Beagles, maybe she just thought I had truncal obesity, or a very enlarged liver?

haha, you mean she didn't actually know? fancies large women? well your two rings should have been enough in any case!

I'm married, but if not, I certainly would think about your offer.

I'm into people for their personalities, not their sexuality.

My dd (13) has told me she's gay. I had a chat with her & she said it's because she "hates boys" and finds girls more interesting.

I hope you hear from her soon :)

thanks, Eva! I'm still hoping a little too.

Go for it. It might blossom into something wonderful and even if it doesn't it's a night out.
Have fun. Don't do anything I wouldn't do..
Let us know the out come. Not that I'm nosey or anything.

Do hope you hear back OP. Better to know one way or another. A straight female friend of mine once propositioned an openly lesbian woman.. She was turned down but hey, you don't ask you'll never know.

And pink, methinks the lady doth protest too much

I think you need to give up on her now sadly, she is likely to have got your message and has chosen not to respond. I wouldn't do any follow ups, either.

It's shit, but it's fair enough. I really hope you're able to find someone who is into you back.

MissH, a bit surprising that your friend was turned down, is that because the lesbian didn't want anyone to experiment with her? as I said before, it's probably best done with a similarly curious woman, not 100% gay one.

Yeah, probably, Two. though if she were to think positively, she may need a couple of days to mull it over.

Ilive, I can only wish it comes to that!

Beagles.. I don't think it's surprising, I just think the lesbian didn't fancy my friend. Same as not every man fancies every woman and vice versa.

well, yes, though imo physical attractions are more often mutual than not - obviously the lesbian may have already had a GF or was dating someone she fancied more, even if she did fancy your friend to an extent. But I've also heard that it's often the case that gay women wouldn't date a bi- or bi-curious one, I can see why.

though imo physical attractions are more often mutual than not

Sadly, I think many people would say this isn't true.

Estcal, with men I genuinely found it to be the case, obviously not ALL, but vast majority of men that I fancied to any extent wre also attracted to me. I don't know how many fancied me who I didn't fancy back, but what I mean, imo I wasn't usually rejected if I fancied a man, with few exceptions mainly if he was unavailable or maybe much younger. I don't think it sounds big-headed, it makes sense in nature that attractions ar mutual due to certain chemistry. If this was rare, hardly anyone would 'mate'.
Of course, it's different with women, even if there is mutual liking of the looks, obviously gay women are a minority. but between gay/bi ones - I think it applies often.

ime, not imo!

Hi OP. Good for you for asking her out. I think you did it perfectly by making your intentions clear but also saying no pressure. If I was in her position I would:
A) accept, if curious and attracted to you
B) politely decline, if not interested at all, or
C) say I'm not interested in a romantic/sexual relationship but am interested in a friendship

Actually I think C is likely if you got on as well as you say you did. If she is as you describe then I think she is more likely to be flattered than freaked out.

As for taking a few days to reply... personally I think it's a bit rude to leave you waiting and wondering. Maybe she is thinking about it, or ignoring you. If she doesn't reply at all, she's not as nice a person as you thought.

PS I hope she DOES reply to say A or C!

thanks, Emma. It's sod's law that yesterday my phone was playing up and I had one of those disappearing texts (phone's ancient) where a new text came up but with an old message, so far I've asked a few people who could have messaged on the day but they said they didn't. One hasn't yet replied. I'm now of course worried that it may have been her and I have no way of knowing without asking myself by text or email. It's just so annoying it had to happen! imagine if she did text and now thinks I'm not responding. Or if it was a 'no' I wouldn't be still wondering. There is also a slight chance of lost original mail. I know her mobile number but not because she gave it to me, it's on a site of a business she is in. I could text just to ask if she's got my message in a few days, and to say that absolutely fine if she didn't want to reply, just to let me know and I'd apologise. I gave her my number in my message originally.
Don't really know what she thought of me, I felt a spark but she may have been just nice socially, hard to tell when your own emotions clouding your judgement! So we haven't made any route to a friendship yet, but would be nice if C was the answer too.

OP, sexuality is a very complex, complicated thing isn't it, but then on the other hand sometimes I think it's more a case of just relaxing and going with the flow. Sexuality is fluid, as they say. I do still get a bit flustered when someone asks me 'what I am'. Some assume that it's a secret that I've always been hiding and that I've always been gay, others ask me if I will miss a man. I've had some really odd, inappropriate questions over the past couple of years, but I'm getting better at handling them. I hope

The way you describe your feelings, is very similar to mine. I still probably find more men initially attractive than I do women and as I said before, I would say (if I had to) that I'm 90% gay, but when I do find a woman attractive, it's on another level. I'm naturally very picky anyway, but more so with women, which is probably why I was so confused in the beginning. I still look at men and think 'ooo he's quite nice' etc, but if my imagination went any further, it wouldn't really do anything for me. Whereas if on the much rarer occasion I get that feeling for a woman, my imagination would go further. I hope that makes sense.

Hi OP, I think it's much more likely that she got your email and just hasn't replied, rather than a message getting lost. I think that since it was an email you sent, if she replies it will probably be by email not by text. If I were you I don't think I would contact her again. Sorry!
Are you on Facebook? If so (and if you're FB friends) you could post a status update to say your phone's been playing up and if anyone's sent you a message, to resend it on FB or by email. But that would be a long shot (and I still don't think it's what happened).
Are you likely to bump into each other again in a social context, eg through mutual friends?

I agree. She has most likely got it and has chosen to not respond. I think you could have mistaken her receptiveness to your flirting. Maybe she just didn't want to offend you so appeared receptive. I think that you should leave it now or else you could come across as too eager and if she is totally not interested then she could feel afronted.

Emma, yes, most likely she's decided not to reply, though it's a great shame that we can't at least have a chat. I think I'd do better face to face, she may think that the messaeg was too forward but I'm sensitive and quite subtle in rl, she couldn't have been scared off. No, not friends on fb as we've just met, and I don't use it anyway. She could have texted as I'm given my number in the message and did add that it's best to text (rather than phone). I'll probably not check with her as have to think on the lines 'it's not meant to be' if the thing got lost. Not likely at all to bump into her socially, unless by a chance or not anywhere in near future if through a friend. They are not friends, acquiantances.

not thestereotype, yes, exactly, I can like hte look of a man and notice it but going further just doesn't excite me, with few exceptions maybe in the last few yearrs (it used to be different). Otoh until you've actually been with a woman all the way, you wouldn't really know as imagination may not be so reliable after all. But at least i know that the inclination is much stronger than in the past. It is very much about meeting the right woman for those who isn't gay as such but is somewhere on the border.