if you were asked out on a date by a woman you've just met

[beaglesaresweet]

I mean, not just asked out under pretence, but actually for a drink and 'to see how you feel'. If you were a single woman over 50, and not had gay relationships but if you were 'off men', not dating and bad recent history with men, would you be curious enough to at least go on a date without giving any promises? Assuming you do like the look and personality of the person who asked you, of course.

What I really want to know is, how many women would consider an experiment with a stranger who appealed to them in general terms, at least as far as kissing. And how many would reject it out of habit of a lifetime, or the fact that they are not open-minded enough?

Would you feel that because you've never done it before by your 50s-60s, there is no point expermenting as you can't be attarcted and it would be too ridiculous or reckless ?

I was reading about Navratilova, apparently she came out as a bi- first, but really she calls herself gay now. Her wife had a husband and kids before. But you know, this is celebs, would an older 'normal' woman with grown kids be brave enough)?

Another question, would you ignore the offer if not interested, I'm talking about texting or online, or would you politely reply with a 'no thanks' and be flattered if you've only met that woman once?

[CMOTGilbertBlythe]

Hope it all goes well, whatever happens!
Not in the same boat at the moment, but I have been in the past.

[beaglesaresweet]

thanks CMOT, did it work out? any words of advice?
AF, oh yes, I'm already getting quite pessimistic but still hoping a little. Even if it won't go any further, i'd love a drink with her and to get to know her a bit more.

[AnyFucker]

then I hope it works out for you

you sound nice

[lavenderhoney]

Beagles, you sound very nice:) and I do expect a man who asks me out on a date to have thoughts of a sexual nature towards me or I would wonder why he was bothering to date me. I wouldn't agree to date him if I didn't think him attractive, even if he was nice.

If you asked her if she would date a woman and she said yes, I presume she is thinking about it and knows it's a date. So you can get to know each other and be secretly thinking about other stuff as well:)

[Trills]

Good luck!

Do update us on how it goes, if you like :)

[beaglesaresweet]

thank you AF, Trills and lavender, I'm pleased to know that I sound nice. I need a confidence boost right now, ha.

lavender, she didn't say that she would date a woman, these questions were all in the same one message and she hasn't yet responded. She may have not read it yet. If she did, I think she may be a bit shocked and possibly thinking how to let me down politely. Still, fingers crossed! will update if anything positive happens.

Thanks all, I just really needed to talk while waiting, didn't tell any friends in rl yet as it's only worth doing if there is something to tell.

[Milllli]

Im sure she will respond one way or the other and hopefully she will be nice about it. Good Luck. Will keep my open for an update.

[CMOTGilbertBlythe]

What Lavender said really, it's similar to going on a date with a man. You don't know whether or not they fancy you until it's made clear!

I did see a woman for a while but turned out not to have such a spark, and we've been friends for about 15 years now. So I'd say it did work out, in a way.

[Milllli]

Will keep my eye open for an update......... (that should have read)

[loveareadingthanks]

You sound nice so I hope she responds to you either way. If she doesn't, don't take it personally, I'd take it as her being a bit mind-blown/awkward/embarrassed and not knowing how to deal with that.

To answer your first question, I would be nicely declining the invitation. Because I'm not bi/gay/curious.

I don't think you meant it in a nasty way, but I was a bit put out by your mentioning a couple of times that the reason someone would say no would be because they are not open minded. Knowing I like cocks instead of fannies isn't because I'm closed-minded. That's actually a little bit insulting if you think about it. People are allowed to make their own choices about their sexuality. It's a wrong to think everyone deep down is gay/bi, as it is to think everyone deep down is straight, we are how we are, it's not a product of 'wrong thinking'.

[Thenapoleonofcrime]

I think you have done the right thing, you are unsure if she likes women or indeed you, so you emailed her being clear you found her attractive and asking her for a drink. It's all very upfront and flattering, however, of course she may not want to come, or may have other dates line up or just is not into you.

If you only met her once (which I get from the OP), then you are projecting a lot onto her in terms of loving her personality and so on, plus how do you know her sexuality/dating history if you only met once. I may have misunderstood this bit.

I would brace yourself for a polite reply though as there isn't really anything to suggest, from what you have said, that she'd be into this.

[RedKite1985]

I think personally, I would have enquired about her sexuality first.

[monkina]

Well please let us know if she does respond! ?

I think it was brave of you to email her, as you don't know if she is attracted to women. They do say nothing ventured, nothing gained though don't they?!

Hopefully she will be flattered, although be prepared for her to be surprised & perhaps a little embarrassed if she's not.

[katy1039]

You sound so lovely! I would be flattered by you being so nice and asking me out.

Please let us know how she responds.

[BangaloreStories]

Women are beautiful creatures. I definitely find them attractive, but I don't fancy any. I wouldn't even like to kiss a female (too soft and squishy I imagine, all over) and as for the rest, Noooooo, that turns my stomach a bit so I know I'm not trysexual.

However, sometimes you become physically attracted to people regardless of gender if you fall in love with them or find some common ground.

I'd say have some adventure. And report back!

[beaglesaresweet]

thanks again, everyone. Well, it's Monday late eve and I haven't heard. For some reason I was hopeful all day but not feel quite deflated and that I've made a fool of myself, but I still had to do it so just as well.

'trysexual' that's a new one to me, and very appropriate! Bangalore, yes, I'm in that camp where it's not women in general but only certain type and if I find them attractive beyond the looks. Btw I wouldn't be attracted to the soft type either, but she is a sporty 'hardy' type which I love. Think sporty gay types - she really could be one based on looks, apart from the fact that I know she's been married with kids and not just once!

Napoleon, I do find her personality very attractive. I'm not saying I know her deeply, her values etc, but one meeting was enough to love the personality and looks. As I said above, I do know her marriage history from mutual friends (not close friends og mine or hers, but I've met her through them). I know that she might mot be curious about me/women and in fact might have a BF! otoh who knows, she might already have had experience with women if she is bi, that kind of thing isn't known socially unlike the marriages/BFs.

RedKite, I have inquired, in the message, had no other opportunities.

loveareading, maybe she is 'mind-blown' as you put it, I just so wish though that she gives me a tentative chance! Sorry about the 'open-minded' thing, I did think someone may raise this after I've written it. I meant (sloppy writing) that IF a woman had bisexual leanings, she night be open-minded when younger, but closed to it on older age because - and it makes sense - she could think that if it still never happened, no point starting such major changes in life now, when the energy and possibly the flexibility is not the same. I was mainly talking in context of the age. I do understand that there are perfectly open-minded people who have no bi/gay leanings at all!

Do you think that if she 'doesn't know how to deal with it', then it's not a 'no'? I think it's easy to say 'no' politely if she has no inclination to tyr or be curious. So I'm a bit hopeful that if she hasn't written a quick 'no thanks', she might still be considering? clutching at straws here, but makes sense?

katy, you are being very kind! thanks! I've been day-dreaming all day today, so easy to let yourself believe things.

[beaglesaresweet]

just wondering, how long would it normally take to reply to this kind of thing, especially of negative - even if it was a man asking you out? is few days normal? nowadays it seems like everyone replies instantly or next day at most, so maybe we forgot how to be patient!

[Milllli]

Maybe she just deleated it Beagle. She may have seen what you wrote in a negative way and felt uncomfortable about it and just deleated it. Sorry

[beaglesaresweet]

hi again, Millie, yes it could have annoyed her, though I did try to write it in a goo-humoured way. I'm just thinking if this was me, I'd send a 'no thanks' so that the person doesn't ask again, doesn't think I haven't received it, etc. Of course now I'm paranoid that she may have not received it for whatever reason, and wondering whether I should ask her by text if she's got it after a few days? Obviously, I d rather not pester her at all, so a 'no' would be better than nothing.

[beaglesaresweet]

good-humoured, obv

[GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt]

I wouldn't ask if she'd received the message, she may well not have logged on to have seen it yet.
And if she has, and has decided to just ignore, well, that's your answer really.

[beaglesaresweet]

I don't want to check, Gilbert, I think I should still wait a few days in any case. I suppose it could have been offensive, I have got the impression that she was quite liberal and a fun sort of person, but she may be more traditional/serious than she appeared (nothing wrong with that). I'm still not jumping to conclusions as maybe she's thinking it over. Unless she's gone away, I'm sure she'd read it by now as she does take part in running a small business and would use internet normally.

[AnyFucker]

I would let it go now

[Twochipsnobiff]

Oh gosh, the trials and tribulations of the dating game. You sound like a lovesick teen (in an entirely good way), and we've all been there. I actually think the sexuality aspect of this is a red herring - I mean you could have all of these feelings about a woman you knew to be gay, or a man you knew to be straight. No matter how much flirting goes on, you never really know if someone is interested in you at this stage.

Good luck, and if she doesn't respond I would pick yourself up and look elsewhere.

[Milllli]

Beagle I didn't mean that you had annoyed her but that she felt in someway freaked out by you coming on to her and the thought that she may come across as lesbian to others. So deleted the email as if it never happened. If she has never been approached in this way before she could have felt uncomfortable and questioned how she comes accross to people. Just a thought.