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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Affair - just about coping part 3

975 replies

OpheliaRose · 29/04/2015 20:58

Many of you will have read my original thread and my part two thread here

Brief outline I found out H was having an affair with a girl from his work since ten he has left me for her. His behaviour has been unbelievable

My old thread was titled not knowing how to cope however I am slowly learning

OP posts:
Fontella · 01/05/2015 11:36

Takeme, Iceland pizzas are £1! Pretty rubbish, but a lot cheaper rubbish.

I don't think Iceland £1 pizzas are rubbish. I really like them .. and better than some more expensive ones. I do tend to tart them up a bit with extra toppings .. but you can't go wrong for a quid.

MerryMarigold · 01/05/2015 11:43

Yep, well if we have pizza we have them (gave up making since ds1 prefers Iceland and moans and moans if I put the effort into actually making one from scratch! And no tarting allowed either). Not exactly high on nutrition, but pretty tasty.

AbitSceptical · 01/05/2015 12:10

Hi Ophelia I've been following your threads and am glad to see you're coping so well and getting such great support on here and in real life.

Your babies are very lucky to have you and they will come through all this fine. Good luck with your boss, really hope it goes well! x

Original poster
OpheliaRose · 01/05/2015 14:53

It's been a very busy day so thank you for all your suggestions and support Smile

Lunch with my boss went really well he was sincerely shocked at the situation I found myself in as he had met my DH at a few work events and had been there at my leaving party before the twins etc.

He said that my old role isn't necessary suited to part time due to the amount of pressure at the moment but he brought with him the job descriptions of 3 other jobs he had that he thought might be a better fit allowing me the flexibility with the twins and childcare.

OP posts:
parsnipbob · 01/05/2015 14:55

That sounds really promising Ophelia!

When will your dickhead H get your solicitor's letter?

HoggleHoggle · 01/05/2015 14:56

So pleased the job stuff looks promising! You're doing brilliantly.

Am also intrigued as to when twat head will be getting his letter...

Lotsofponies · 01/05/2015 15:10

Just about coping! I think you are more then coping, you are doing a grand job. Your life has been turned upside down and your heart broken, not only are you surviving but you are moving forwards to an even better future. All in a fortnight - bloody fantastic I say.

I cried for you (again) when I read you saw knob rot and WF, but now you have 'seen it' it should get easier. Just remember, at some point Knob Rot is going to have to see you, a beautiful, strong, confident lady being adored by some other fellow (very lucky IMHO). The difference will be that when his heart breaks he will have to live with the fact that it was all his own fault. Karma.

Original poster
OpheliaRose · 01/05/2015 15:22

I don't know how I feel about having to do another job role but I am grateful they have proactively considered options that will suit my new lifestyle better.

I believe he should receive a letter next week. I missed a call from my solicitor today but have not heard back from him when I returned the call.

OP posts:
Wristy · 01/05/2015 15:33

Just another voice to add to the rest. You are doing amazingly well. You should be incredibly proud to withstand such an onslaught, to be still standing let alone proceeding the way you are.

Every step you've taken has been an incredibly brave and positive one on the road to a new life for you and your twins. I'm in awe of your strength and resilience! Xx

sassandfaff · 01/05/2015 15:43

Coping?!

You have had a haircut, seen a solicitor twice and had a meeting to get a job...... In less than 2 weeks!!

You wouldn't look out of place with a cape at this point.

Well done you. Thanks

HobartPaving · 01/05/2015 15:47

Ophelia it's so good to see one of your posts with a smiley face instead of a sad one! SmileSmile

Did you get your highlights done in the end? I was thinking it's another 2 fingers up to him to go blonder when WF is brunette

HootyMcTooty · 01/05/2015 15:52

Wow wow wow, you're really making great strides toward getting yourself sorted, well done.

Your boss sounds lovely. Have a think about what you want, you don't have to make a decision today

Bobian123 · 01/05/2015 16:07

Agree with sass about the cape!! You are doing fabulously, well done.

laurierf · 01/05/2015 16:15

So nice to check this thread and see you are doing so well! As pp say, take your time and have a think. At 29 I was just coming out of a 10-year relationship and wondering what I was going to do with my life and I decided to study part time (home study and evenings) to improve my career potential. I don't know what sort of work you have done up until you had the DTs, but you have lots of options at 30 and it sounds like you have a super supportive boss. Smile

Weebirdie · 01/05/2015 16:25

I think your boss offering you different roles in order to keep you on is a fabulous testament to you and you should be very proud of it.

Phoenix0x0 · 01/05/2015 16:41

De lurking.

So pleased that your boss was kind and thought of you regarding other more suitable roles.

You can and are coping excellently....although I can understand that it may not feel that way.

Glad you have had a lovely day so far with your babies.

My DC is three and when I am looking to do something fun to do I look at the website below for ideas (it maybe useful).

nurturestore.co.uk

Flowers
Original poster
OpheliaRose · 01/05/2015 16:58

Thank you pheonix

I haven't gone blonde yet doing that on Tuesday mum said she would come over and watch DTs while I get it done.

DTs have been asking a lot for daddy so that has been very hard. He's emailed me to say he would like to have then again this week for dinner and also for the weekend. I'm sure it's her weekend without the kids so that's put my back up a bit ... Maybe he's planning to introduce them.

A friend from work text me saying my boss had told everyone he's seen me and said they are having a night out with dinner in 2 weeks and she though I might like to come so I can meet the new people and also see old friends again.

OP posts:
BettyCatKitten · 01/05/2015 17:03

New beginingsSmile

Cacofonix · 01/05/2015 17:05

That sounds great about work - well done.

I am sure someone more knowledgable will come along regarding the H having DTs for a weekend but I think you must be within your rights to say no as he doesn't have suitable living arrangements?

MaMaof04 · 01/05/2015 17:06

Dear Ophelie

I hope the job they will propose you will be less boring than you presume.
I believe that either way you will find in it solace (and lady as ever you are already grateful for it to your ex-boss!) Will you be working with your previous colleagues?
You know the kids grow very fast. When they will grow a bit you might be able to get the job you had before or just a more challenging one.

Like the wise ladies said before me: you have done giant steps to rebuild your life within just few days of the tsunami that hit you, and the response of your ex-boss shows what a great person you are in life (we have seen that throughout your behavior in the most trying marital crisis) . 'Chapeau! Bravo' .

Who said that movies day and great parenting do not go well? I enjoyed snuggling under the duvet with my twins (when they were babies) and listening to music or watching movies (Winny-the-Poo!) What movies are you going to watch?

Are some relatives or friends coming to visit you? Have a nice week-end! Big Hugs!

HollyJollyDillydolly · 01/05/2015 17:07

The night out with work would be an excellent idea if you can manage it; even for a short while. Good for you.

FriendofBill · 01/05/2015 17:10

Just say Daddy's busy, or, Daddys working. Try not to have an opinion on if they meet OW or not, just give him all the rope he thinks he needs.

You are doing great.
Dignified, honest, resolute, thoughtful, strong formidable.

HootyMcTooty · 01/05/2015 17:14

Night out with work would be great for you! Start building a social life that is not connected with your DH.

I can't give you any wisdom about an overnight stay for the DTs with DH. Do what is right for you. He must understand that the least he can do is accept your terms on access for the short term while you adjust to this shitstorm he has brought to your life.

I'm in awe of you OPhelia, I really am.

CheesyDibbles · 01/05/2015 17:16

Awesome work Ophelia - so impressed by your strength!

MaMaof04 · 01/05/2015 17:16

Ophelie
I just saw your last post.
By all means try to go to this work evening! (I hope your mum can come and take care of the DT).
About the week-end with FW and your STBX: I am not sure I know how to advise. From what I read here it looks as if usually the ex must wait a certain period before introducing the kids to the OW. I hope the ladies who have more experience and knowledge will help you with that one. Big hugs!

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