Affair - just about coping part 3

[OpheliaRose]

Many of you will have read my original thread and my part two thread here

Brief outline I found out H was having an affair with a girl from his work since ten he has left me for her. His behaviour has been unbelievable

My old thread was titled not knowing how to cope however I am slowly learning

The problem with constantly being told how brilliantly you are doing - which you are - is that you feel you can't afford to show any "weakness". This happened recently in the case of a much loved poster, which resulted in her having to leave the board for a while.

Be true to yourself Ophelia, show your true emotions. I promise you, you will still receive all the love and support you need.

One little thing to please consider. Whatever you decide now with regard to contact for you twins will set a precedent with this kind of arrogant, entitled man. Make sure you are completely happy with whatever is agreed, because you will find it hard to change things.

Like everyone else, I despise this man with a passion that scares me. You.....I wish I could hug you and tell you that it really does get better.....but not for a long time darling.x.

Sorry,

Meant to add, he is taking responsibility for nothing.

This must change.

bjrce you want him to tell the children why he left? Why? How should he word his explanation??

Aren't these babies two years old? My granddaughter is the same age, bright, happy, uber intelligent - proud granny boast, sorry! - but I would be horrified if anyone suggested trying to explain such a complicated situation to her.

Just to say you sound amazing - I am so impressed with how you are handling this.
It reminds me of an affair in the office I used to work at. As per brochure she was desperate and he was a selfish prat who loved himself. It was all very toe curling for us who had to witness it. I heard that his wife was deeply upset but I'm sure she came around to realise that he was the first class arse that we had always known he was.
Things will get better

Lets not forget this man walked out on his children three weeks ago, and in that time he has spent more time with ow and her child than his own

His main motivation for asking to see the dts is to introduce them to ow after THREE WEEKS. The ow incidentally, who he spent his time at work shagging, this was a risk to the financial stability of his family.

This is not a good father, this is not a man whose focus is on the welfare of his children, this is a man who has entirely went after what he wants with total disregard for his family of 12 years.

A man that adores his children does not treat their mother in this way, my priority would be getting the solicitor to pursue a very restricted contact, I don't think, at this time, this mans judgement can be trusted

That's for him to deal with.

At the moment, he is happy to just start taking the children, on his terms, for his nights and then all of a sudden this will become the new norm for the kids.

This is what happened to us. It was very confusing, for such a long time.

This has been all so easy for him.
He won't ever have to face up to what he did.

I am not suggesting he give the brutal facts, but he does need to talk to them, its not fair on them, and its not fair on Ophelia, he hasn't had to in any way face up to what hes' done.
This will all be left to Ophelia.
Ophelia needs to talk to her mam and dad about going forward.

I will guarantee, he will react strongly to this suggestion, but its purely to save him face. Even, if she is not ready for him to do this now, it needs to be said to him, to make him face up to his reality
They are very young and its just a terrible situation.

Unfortunately it is not just up to him as everything he does will have an effect on Phee and the twins

I really don't think it would be appropriate to have a conversation re this with two years olds, they don't have the emotional capacity to process this and it could end up doing a lot of damage re attachment

They need to be protected not used to score points

Information should be given in an age appropriate way

His main motivation for asking to see the dts is to introduce them to ow after THREE WEEKS. The ow incidentally, who he spent his time at work shagging, this was a risk to the financial stability of his family.
This is not a good father, this is not a man whose focus is on the welfare of his children

Fair point Christina.

I agree with Christina and others warning against using the children as pawns. I am absolutely clueless as to how you explain to 2 year olds that you have left them for another woman bjrce

And I agree that Phee's ex is getting away with murder, but there's little she can do about it. I hope that her lawyer shows otherwise today, but so far it doesn't look promising. I wish people would stop telling her to get him to do X or prevent him from doing Y.

Lol at him crying. As if.i don't think he'd shed a tear, he seems devoid of any feelings apart from his own.
How else could he literally show absolutely no emotion or concern for his wife of ten years who was his childhood sweetheart and mother of his child.
Who else could possibly think that it was normal or acceptable to tell his wife that him, their children and the ow would be joining his parents (who have been her in laws for many years) for a cosy roast a few days after he has left her!!!
Who in their right mind would do this?
A fucking psychopath, that's who.

Like others, I am furious with this man and find it frustrating that he could walk away scot free, however, that is life. I am more concerned that phee and the twins don't get damaged in the pursuit of revenge

When reading this thread I have became increasingly aware of this mans total lack of conscience and that worries me

a fucking psychopath

yip

I just wanted to let you all know in still hear and haven't run away for been upset by you. Ice had a really busy day so far and am just about o drive home.

Didn't want you all worrying about me too much. I'll post properly once I'm home

(((CUDDLES))) No shame in your emotions Ophelia, remember you're playing catch up, he's had plenty of time to checkout, get his cock sucked, and is expecting you to just deal with it! The audacity of this "man"!

It's very easy for us to give advice, but you are the one dealing with the nightmare on a daily basis, please don't feel ashamed, none of us are here to judge you.

I wish I could ask him to allow you to catch up, then I'd break the f*ckers legs and feed him his balls!

no hurry Phee, we are all being kept busy forming gangs and fashioning weapons, just because you cant do anything to him doesn't mean rest of us cant.....

You can do this love. It's hard, it's shit and it's so, so bloody unfair. But you can do this

^^this. And take some time, sometimes you need to let your own thoughts formulate before you take on other people's

He seems so insistent on the DT meeting OW. Its as if her amicable set up with her ex is some big blended parenting party and he needs to accessorise using his DT.

Does anyone else sense that Twatface is giving off a competitive vibe towards OW's ex in some sort of Great Dad face-off?

Ohhhh pmt and a pitchfork... Never a good combination

I suspect it's all about, look the children love my girlfriend and are fine, why can't you?

He is bigging her up to justify the cuntery.

Protesting far, far too much.

I am not hormonal but despise him -and will join the PPs in any pitchforking!

Right, pitchfork is ticked off the equipment list, anyone got any castration devices lying around?