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Original poster

Affair - just about coping part 3

975 replies

OpheliaRose · 29/04/2015 20:58

Many of you will have read my original thread and my part two thread here

Brief outline I found out H was having an affair with a girl from his work since ten he has left me for her. His behaviour has been unbelievable

My old thread was titled not knowing how to cope however I am slowly learning

OP posts:
Charley50 · 05/05/2015 11:04

Hello Phee, You are fabulous! I hope you get a chance to catch up on some sleep later.
Is this the weekend YOU would prefer he had the twins, or was it the following weekend? Are you able to speak to his parents (or him) to get some sort of reassurance that actually the twins will be there, rather than at OWs place? And I agree that two nights may be too long for an initial stay although if you are confident that they will be with only family that know and love already you might decide that it's OK.
if you haven't registered the interest in the house yet, don't forget to do that.
Music is what got me through a painful breakup so I think you've got a good topic for your Pinterest board.

Original poster
OpheliaRose · 05/05/2015 12:24

bjrce so sorry if it looked like I was calling you an OW! Not what was intended I promise. Thanks ft your helpful posts

ma thank you so much for that advice! I'll look into it :) honestly I don't thinking brought nice clothes in forever in almost afraid of shopping now because fashions seems to have moved past me!

I don't mind them being with his this weekend as I need a break and he is there father son he should be looking after them not just leaving it all to me so he can swan off but I'm not happy with 2 nights and also I would like him to assure me they will not be at OW

Twins have had occasional stays at both sets of grandparents but only ever for 1 night

Someone suggested I should find out why OW and her ex split up. She never says directly but some of her conversations with H suggest it wasn't a nasty break up they just don't work as a couple anymore although they are still "best friends" he did get with his new GF fairly soon after their split by the sounds for it (less than 6 months) but OW is very nice about her in her chats when H asks so i guess it wasn't anything terrible

OP posts:
Original poster
OpheliaRose · 05/05/2015 12:26

Also ma Pinterest is a site where you can "pin" or collect pictures and stuff online and make boards

If you goggle it it should come up! It can become obsessive

OP posts:
Justusemyname · 05/05/2015 12:35

If he hasn't had the children since he fucked off then no way should he take them for two nights. It's too much too soon. He is their father but he isn't a full time one anymore and that means the children should see him only when it is best for them. My son is nearly ten and still can't manage two nights at the PIL.

Phoenix0x0 · 05/05/2015 12:38

Can't you tell him that he can have the DT from Saturday morning, overnight Saturday and then to bring them back after dinner/tea on Sunday?

You could also say they could build up to going Friday - Sunday over the course of the next few months?

GERTI · 05/05/2015 13:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MerryMarigold · 05/05/2015 13:11

Grin GERTI. Very concise!

MerryMarigold · 05/05/2015 13:13

Tbh, if it were me, I'd ask him to have them Fri eve to sat eve at his parents. 24 hours max. Get a nice lie-in on sat and not so long for them as 2full days and an overnight.

GERTI · 05/05/2015 13:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas · 05/05/2015 14:00

Ophelia also stipulate that under no circumstances he talk about WF or her child to the twins.

That is likely to be very confusing and distressing for them if they sense that daddy has left them to be with another family .

That's one tip I learnt from my H who spoke only once about OWs child but it had a significant effect on my DC.

GERTI · 05/05/2015 14:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LondonRocks · 05/05/2015 14:13

And knee him, hard!!

It's only metaphorical, but he's disgusting.

I'd really like to slap him silly.

He left. He takes what he's feckin well given. Arse.

bjrce · 05/05/2015 14:20

Ophelia,

As you haven't spoken to him in a while, look at the worst case scenario.

OW doesn't have her child next weekend, he may have thought next weekend might be an opportunity to meet OW and start getting use to her before the Twins meet her child. I know this is a terrible thought.

You need to have it very clear with him, early this week, what will/will not be tolerated and get this agreed.

His actions to date, nothing would surprise me.

Christinayangstwistedsister · 05/05/2015 14:48

god he's a cock sums it up rather nicely I think

Christinayangstwistedsister · 05/05/2015 14:54

I would tell him he could have them Saturday evening through to Sunday lunchtime

Tell them he must pick them up by 5 on Saturday as you are going out and can drop,them off after 12 on Sunday as you will be back home by then

Original poster
OpheliaRose · 05/05/2015 14:56

Thanks for your support. He called me in the end and we had a bit of a row about it all.

He says he understands that I don't want OW near the children but I need to be realistic that she is going to be in their lives very soon so it makes sense for her to meet them soon.

He said he wouldn't want to take them to her house just maybe thy could "bump" into her in the park then she could say hi and play a bit. I told him NO! He needs to concentrate on his relationship with DTs first as they don't understand why daddy isn't at home anymore. They miss him and don't want to share him right now.

I did point out he sees OW every single day at work and it appears spends time with her and her child so not seeing her for a day won't kill him.

He said he understands I'm angry ... Then said his mother suggested they have a roast dinner Sunday and he would like to include OW ... He just won't stop

OP posts:
Phoenix0x0 · 05/05/2015 15:00

I would also consider who will be there to when he collects/drops off the DT....

Are you strong enough yet to see him?

Can you ask DB/DDad to do this, or could you ask that one of them is there with you?

Just thought I would put it out there, for you to consider.

Vivacia · 05/05/2015 15:00

I hope that Blessedand returns to explain how you can insist he doesn't introduce them to WF because I haven't a clue how you can, and I can see no other alternative than to make clear, in writing, why you don't think they should and then accept that the decision is his and there's nothing you can do about it Sad

parsnipbob · 05/05/2015 15:01

I am really disgusted. Also how could his parents condone having that woman in the house so soon?! It's really disrespectful. My blood is boiling for you.

He is an incredibly selfish man. There is little you can do about him introducing her to your twins but he absolutely shouldn't be doing it. Does he not recognise what an adjustment it will be for them?

parsnipbob · 05/05/2015 15:02

Gosh, if it was me I'd be quite tempted if he hasn't got the Twins' best interests at heart (which he clearly doesn't) then I'd rather he didn't see them without your DB or DF present for now.

Phoenix0x0 · 05/05/2015 15:03

WTF?

Angry

So he still thinks that he can call the shots.....

And his mother has suggested...lunch.....?

They are deluded....

Maybe the DT should not see him.....

bjrce · 05/05/2015 15:04

Jesus, ,

That is shocking, talk to your parents and you brother, you need support right now.

Ask them what they feel is the way forward.

Try and keep calm. You will work it out.

Phoenix0x0 · 05/05/2015 15:07

He is trying to dictate terms and you are supposed to put up and shut up!

Communicate only via email now...this way you can take a time to write a measured reply.

Seriously, if he is going to do what he likes....I would be damed sure that EVERYONE knew the depths of what he has done...FB, drop into the office, get DB to tell mutual friends.

I would also be contacting his mother and tell her you are disappointed that she is putting her owns sons well being over the DT...

Christinayangstwistedsister · 05/05/2015 15:07

Wtf

I would really resist answering the phone to him, all communication needs to be via email ...I would also contact your solicitor for advice

Christinayangstwistedsister · 05/05/2015 15:08

It's totally inappropriate that he thinks he can introduce them to ow after 3 weeks....