Affair - just about coping part 3

[OpheliaRose]

Many of you will have read my original thread and my part two thread here

Brief outline I found out H was having an affair with a girl from his work since ten he has left me for her. His behaviour has been unbelievable

My old thread was titled not knowing how to cope however I am slowly learning

I'll be knocking on your door soon then hex. Let's do this.

I can recommend the classic chill out album. It's on YouTube. It's approx an hour long and it's truly beautiful.

Ps I listen to that thru my phone. Make sure it's connected to wifi and on charge if it's a shitephone.

I do feel like I'm grieving except I know they lying cheating scumbag is still alive and well with no apparently levels of guilt.

Sorry I'm in a really annoyed mood...I'm tired but I can't sleep because my mind is racing and also i'm just going through a stage tonight of festering anger towards the idea that he is out and about with this woman and her child! And also I'm pretty sure they must have been meeting up before our split!!!!

Ophelia there is also this saying -

Never wrestle with a pig – you’ll both get dirty, and the pig will love it”

ophelia

Download the mediation app for your phone (the light will not disturb your sleep).

Watch some crap on TV (I second keeping up with the kardashians).

Give yourself permission to feel anger ..you are no less a person to feel this way.

As I said before. Keep busy (weekends go to a gingerbread group and/or organise activities for you all that doesn't revolve around being in the maritable home)

Allow yourself to feel pissed off.
Let yourself feel however you need
to feel.

Its going to take time to come
to terms with what has happened. You can't rush this, there's no fast forward button unfortunately you just have to deal with each emotion on an hour by hour, day by day basis but you WILL deal with it and I promise you, you will come out the other side. Keep going, we're all with you, and on the days you don't want to keep going - fake it until you make it

oph there is a whole thread on the royal baby stuff making people feel sad, even I felt a bit jealous of the sweet little baby and I have five
Look how far you have come since it all kicked off, you are well on the way to indifference and your new life.

Did you notice I have re naned you oph?
I am a lazy typer!

Hey Ophelia, just wanted to let you know you inspired me to be better mum today! We had to stay in as DD (7) is unwell and when she asked to do painting I, for once, said 'why not' and she created this masterpiece... thank you x

awwww Zebda that's made me cry a little again in a good way.

I have to say i'm overwhelmed by all you ladies kindness and support I don't know how i would have got through my last few days without you all

I hope you and Shakespeare don't mind, but I re-jigged (badly but with good intentions) one of his sonnets for you :

I shall compare thee to a decadent pile of shite
Thou art no more lovely and no more fragrant
The rough winds you've created may shake me
And the length of my mourning may not have a date
Sometimes the dart of pain may hit me
But I assure you, that will soon be dimm'd
And the times I ruminate upon thee decline
But fortune has surely graced me
For thy erection shall indubitably fade
No more wank fodder in the stationery cupboard
Nor shalt thy think I wander'st in her shade
For my womanly strength is eternal
And as long as I live and I can feel
You'll get fuck all from me.

Sweet dreams.

Ooops, it wasnt my intention to make you cry again

Undeux that is BRILLIANT.

Ophelia, love to you and hope you get a good night's sleep.

Zebda, how lovely is your DD's painting? What a clever daughter you have.
Undeux, I'm loving your sonnet. You're a literary genius!
Phee (you're not the only lazy keyboarder, Ledkr ) make sure you get something murmuring in the background tonight, for those wakeful hours. I also downloaded the Audible.com App ages ago. I listen to novels when can't sleep or driving long distances. It stops my brain from wandering into thoughts that upset me. Maeve Binchy is the most inoffensive writer and very easy on the ear.

Sleep tight my lovely. Tomorrow is another day and a step closer to your glory.

Ophelia, when I seriously struggle with sleep, I google 'insomnia music' and listen to few videos. I have my favourite one on there that always gets me to sleep.

Have a listen to few of them, they're a god send when you cannot sleep due to stress.

Take care xxx

Sorry not Google - YouTube it! There are some fantastic videos for insomnia

Undeux you're a genius!

Undeux, brilliant! (Am I right saying your name with a French accent, in which case, if French is your mother tongue, even more brilliant?!)
OpheliaRose, I hope you managed to sleep better last night. To be honest, I was relieved to read that you might be getting to the anger stage in your bereavement. Everybody goes at their own pace (I'm still fluctuating between guilt and depression after my mother's death (of old age, so not really a shock) over two years ago, but that belongs elsewhere!), so please don't think you're doing anything wrong, as wiser women than I have said earlier on. Tell your play-date mum how you're feeling, I'm sure as a friend she'll be only too happy to support you and help you with your twins.
Am happily imagining the massed bands of MN women turning up at your STBX's workplace to serve him with legal documents and then swivelling their heads round to fix their beady eyes meaningfully on WF. No violence necessary!
#Team OpheliaRose

Another nice relaxing album to help with sleep is Spa: Ease and Release by Roger St Denis. I downloaded it as labour music but I still listen to it a lot when me or my son are struggling to relax. Hang in there, you're doing an amazing job and your bank holiday activities sounds brilliant - your twins are very lucky to have you.

Undeux Thank you! that was great

I like the short hand names makes me feel loved

Just getting ready for our play date - had a restless night sleep with bad dreams about H but determined to enjoy today. Still feel slightly daunted about having to go out in public and put the game face on for everyones sake but needs must.

I really hope H and WF are sensible enough to stay away from where I'll be

De-lurking to express my shock at your stbxh's attitude towards the children. They will find it both deeply distressing and confusing to be around WF at this stage, and even more so to be around her child. If he had done even the most basic research on the topic he would know this.

I know that others have posted that you can't control what he does on his time with them but there must be some way of communicating to him via some channel the damage that he would be causing to them by pursing that course of action? He has to realise that he has a 6 month head start in adjusting to his selfish, heartless decision and everyone else needs at least that, the twins even more.

I am so sorry that he has put you in this situation, I really believe you have already shown the strength you need to get through it though. Sending lots of love to you and the twins.

I hope you have a nice day.

Game face on or not you really are a wonderful mummy/sister/daughter/friend, who is dignified and who will get through this!

the mumsnet army is matching right behind you

I hope you have a good day. I totally understand why you're daunted but in sure you will feel much better afterwards for having seen friends, and it will be one more thing you've overcome.

It's absolutely pouring down here, hope you're faring better!

Ophelia You are totally awesome and coping amazingly. Totally agree with not suppressing your feelings although it's incredibly hard. You will have good days and bad days and, over time, the good days will begin to outnumber the bad ones. Be prepared for setbacks when you've had a run of good days and then you have an awful one and it feels like you're going backwards. You're not, it's just the normal pattern of grief. It's great that you met with your boss and his attitude shows how highly you're thought of - unlike shithead and WF. I've never met them and I've been having revenge fantasies about slipping enemas in their drinks or putting rancid prawns under her bedroom floorboards. How you're managing to stay so dignified is beyond me.
And UnDeux that poem is brilliant. Maybe a few more of us can have a go and turn it into an anthology?