Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Affair - just about coping part 3

975 replies

OpheliaRose · 29/04/2015 20:58

Many of you will have read my original thread and my part two thread here

Brief outline I found out H was having an affair with a girl from his work since ten he has left me for her. His behaviour has been unbelievable

My old thread was titled not knowing how to cope however I am slowly learning

OP posts:
Justusemyname · 01/05/2015 19:07

What London says but stationery with an e so he doesn't tell you WF can spell better than you tooHmm I know probably iPad changing it to an a.

GERTI · 01/05/2015 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
OpheliaRose · 01/05/2015 19:15

Justusemyname Yes I believe he has. I think they'd met informally before at a work event they put on a "family sports day" last summer but I'm sure he'd been there this week.

Whatever I say will never be as good as OW as she is fine with her ex having a new GF (who has kids) H mentioned her ex introduced her son to his new GF after a few months and that was "fine" and Ngew & OW are friends now!!!

I've replied again saying that I really do not agree its in the children's best interest to meet anyone new for the next 6 months at least and that they may be young but they do understand that Daddy isn't at home any more which is going to be very confusing and scary for them so we should be doing everything we can to support them.

I imagine this stems from the idea he wants to live with her once his rental contract is up

OP posts:
Rosieliveson · 01/05/2015 19:15

Good reply GERTI

Phoenix0x0 · 01/05/2015 19:18

Dear twat face,

Whilst you both think that this is the best for MY children, I do not. As, we are separated, you twat face cannot coercive nor demand that I do X,y and z. My children are of paramount importance and their well being is the only thing I am considering here. Until you have a home of residance, until we as their parents have discussed/negociated how/when we are to explain to them that we are seperated then they will not stay overnight. Therefore, can you tell me which day you will take the twins out.

Wristy · 01/05/2015 19:22

He just wants you to hurry up and let him have his perfect new life now!! He's a selfish man-child who doesn't seem to realise you and your children have feelings and opinions, you're all just bit players in his parade, only there to make him look better.

I'm sorry he's such an arse. Xx

Phoenix0x0 · 01/05/2015 19:29

He is an arse.

I think now you have to expect the unexpected from him...he is not a reasonable, is very selfish and even his children mean little to him.

Flowers
Charley50 · 01/05/2015 19:30

Well even your dick of an ex has conceded that his WF's ex waited a few months before introducing her DS to his new GF.
He's such a wanker and his new GF must be deeply insecure and hurt by her previous relationship to need male validation so badly that she has an affair with a married man.

Charley50 · 01/05/2015 19:31

Sorry if my last post was confusing.

kayls2910 · 01/05/2015 19:34

De-lurking to say you are doing so well *ophelia I found out nearly 3 weeks ago that my DH was having an affair with someone he works with who lives over 2 hours away (he doesn't work in an office his job involves him travelling) he had divorce papers yesterday. I promise things will get better, you will realise that you are better off without him. I've told him that OW isn't having any contact with our DD for 12 months and there will be no negotiating on that! Sending you Flowers

MerryMarigold · 01/05/2015 19:38

Ophelia, is this way of him behaving 'new' ie. demanding you dance to his tune? It makes me want to slap him. Hard. It is no way to treat anyone, his children or you. The way he goes on about WF....it actually makes me think this won't last as he is SO unbelievably blind to her faults (this is not reality) and selfish (she is going to wake up and smell the coffee someday soon). They are both perfect in each other's eyes right now. Give it 6 months. Around the time his rental contract runs out, they are going to hit walls of reality I think.

Ledkr · 01/05/2015 19:45

He's got the maturity of a teen hasn't he? How dare he suggest you take the parenting advice of a slapper!! He's avin a laugh.

I think you need to propose what suits you and the twins to him, it's not up to him to suggest what suits him.
Point out too that whilst you are happy to take his opinions Into account, you have no intentions of taking advice from a stranger who doesn't know your chikdren and who only has one experience to base her opinions on.
Tell him any further suggestions from her will result in you ending the conversation until he can disuss it independently.
There are no words to describe them really.
He is clearly missing a part of his brain.

Christinayangstwistedsister · 01/05/2015 19:54

Ophelia I know it doesn't feel like it but you really are better off without this total and utter arsehols

May his dick be infested with a thousand warts

BettyCatKitten · 01/05/2015 20:02

how dare he suggest you take the parenting advice of a slapper
^This.
Tell him you're going to do proper research on it.

Justusemyname · 01/05/2015 20:03

Whenever he says wank fodder gets on fine with her ex, the kid is fine, we are all mates, tell him you are not interested in her thoughts or life, and repeat. Same sentence over and over.

ThunderbumsMum · 01/05/2015 20:04

You can't stop him introducing your dts to whomever he likes when he has them. You can't put conditions on what he does/doesn't do with them. Unfortunately, when your stbxh has contact, he is in charge of what happens with your dts.

parsnipbob · 01/05/2015 20:07

OP. I hope your DTs give her hell.

When my bastard father moved in with my mothers best friend he too thought it could be all happy families. I hated her so much that I used to put salt in her tea :) my brother accidentally on purpose spilt ketchup on her white designer shirt.

Still don't feel bad about it. Cunts, the pair of them. Chin up OP!

Isthereeverarightime1 · 01/05/2015 20:09

De lurking to give my support too, I am angry for you!! You have shown great strength and restraint! It's hard to keep a cool head when the anger/upset rises when dealing with someone who has done this but you are doing really well Flowers

I'm so sorry he was a prick to you x

BettyCatKitten · 01/05/2015 20:14

Grinparsnipbob
Let's hope they give her hell and play up, running about screaming!!

offside · 01/05/2015 20:15

Ophelia, it takes a LOT for me to swear, but I fucking hate this waste of air on your behalf!! In fact, both of them!! I have never wanted karma to hunt someone down and take a massive a shit on someone's face as much as I do these two oxygen theifs.

Under no circumstances should your DTs be meeting OW. So fucking what everything was fine for her, tell him that it isn't about her and how she did things with her ex. This is about your children and making this massive change as smooth as possible. Meeting OW would be too much too soon. They are NOT too young to understand. If anything, they'll understand more because their lives revolve around you and him so someone else coming into the mix as well as their father leaving would be hugely upsetting, distressing and confusing.

What a absolute fuckwit.

laurierf · 01/05/2015 20:19

I was also wondering whether this attitude and way of talking to you is 'new'… quite apart from the hideous cheating and lying, he's so unbelievably selfish and seemingly lacking any awareness of that. If he's fawning over WF right now, it's because of the way it makes HIM feel to cast himself as the hero in a Great Romance…. as Merry said - that is not reality. And as Ledkr said, he's showing the maturity of a teenager.

SuffolkNWhat · 01/05/2015 20:21

delurking

It reads to me that your EXH seems to be more invested in this "relationship" than WF is, he is rushing them meeting, she is holding back, perhaps because she knows it won't last long?

Stick to your guns about things being slow for the DT benefit, not his.

sumbodi · 01/05/2015 20:30

Your stbxh is a fuckwit. A selfish, arrogant, egotistical cunt.

(first time I have sworn on MN...i am that angry on your behalf) Angry

sassandfaff · 01/05/2015 20:33

Dear deluded.

I think all those stationery cupboard blow jobs have addled your brain.

You do realise that I am in fact the mother of your children and not wank fodder?

Thanks in part to her, those dts now have a Disney dad. I hardly think that qualifies her to give advice on what is best for the children.

So do shut up.

glintwithpersperation · 01/05/2015 20:33

He thinks he is being so reasonable doesn't he. What a total prick. I'd love to kick him hard in the bloody shins.