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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Disturbing footage on phone

113 replies

Cococrazy · 28/04/2015 21:05

I have been suspicious of my partner. So I looked through his phone. I found a video taken a few days ago literally running after a girl, getting right behind her and then video her bum walking. I really don't know what to do or think. It's not actually cheating but it's really weird. I feel odd. How should I be reacting? Think I'm a bit shocked

OP posts:
molyholy · 28/04/2015 21:49

I would be looking for any more wierd stuff. Internet history etc.

Only1scoop · 28/04/2015 21:52

His comparison of cheating is off the scale odd....

Almost exonerating oneself you might think.

EuphemiaCoxton · 28/04/2015 21:52

And for that remark alone I would suggest your dp takes his thing out the door not letting it hit him on the way out.

AnyFucker · 28/04/2015 21:53

his comparison of cheating is downright woman hating

OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 28/04/2015 21:55

He sounds like a creepy motherfucker.

flora717 · 28/04/2015 21:59

He has a real problem with women: filming them without consent: seeing them as defined by baby making. And? It's not cheating/ cheating less if you use protection. That's internal justification right there.

Original poster
Cococrazy · 28/04/2015 21:59

The thought of him doing it just doesn't seem like something he would do. There was no other footage apart from that. I'm so conflicted. Do I start digging more

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 28/04/2015 22:00

Send yourself the footage so you have proof.

Then ask him about it.

Only1scoop · 28/04/2015 22:01

Can you forward the video to yourself?

Original poster
Cococrazy · 28/04/2015 22:02

Yes that is it. It felt like self justification

OP posts:
Original poster
Cococrazy · 28/04/2015 22:03

Yes I could do it on his what's app. I'm going to tomorrow

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 28/04/2015 22:05

don't raise this with him until you can get a copy

Only1scoop · 28/04/2015 22:06

Can you do it sooner incase he deletes?

Original poster
Cococrazy · 28/04/2015 22:08

No he has his phone on him. I'm in bed. Can't get to it until he is away fr it

OP posts:
TheBlessedCheesemaker · 28/04/2015 22:09

This is a WTF moment and I'd seriously consider running for the hills. He is wired so wrongly that I'm not sure there's any way back from both actions and words.

DragonsCanHop · 28/04/2015 22:11

Yes to forwarding the video to yourself and then deleting it from his sent items and deleted folder.

TheoriginalLEM · 28/04/2015 22:13

that is really worrying behaviour Op. i don't know what to say.

i adore my dp and would forgive him many things but this would be a deal breaker and we've been together 22 years.

Cabrinha · 28/04/2015 22:17

Dear god, I'd leave him over the video (which I think is a criminal offence) even before I left him over an affair.
Affairs are wrong but relationships can be hard and sometimes people work through them. Apparently...
But there's just no way I'd want anything to do with a criminal and pervert. How likely is it that's the only video? Not very likely.

As for trying to minimise cheating, even without the bullshit anti woman crap, you know he's minimising it because he's cheated, right?

Original poster
Cococrazy · 28/04/2015 22:17

I just feel conflicted because it's not cheating. Am I down playing it. I don't know what to think or feel

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 28/04/2015 22:19

You must be down playing it because a man like this would not be sleeping under my roof tonight, nor any other night

DragonsCanHop · 28/04/2015 22:19

Yes, I think you are down playing it and it comes across as stalkerish and dangerous. His view on cheating is also totally out of line.

Sallystyle · 28/04/2015 22:22

I would not look back.

He would be out straight away. I have too much respect for myself to share my life and bed with a perverted tosser. And you should have too.

It might not be cheating but I think I could cope more with a one time affair than I could a pervert who chases women, intimidates them then videos them.

DarkNavyBlue · 28/04/2015 22:24

You are minimising it.

Original poster
Cococrazy · 28/04/2015 22:24

I guess I'm trying to bury my head in the sand. And I cant can I. It's a step too far

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 28/04/2015 22:25

I would reckon you've only scratched the surface here....

What bought up the conversation about cheating?