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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Disturbing footage on phone

113 replies

Cococrazy · 28/04/2015 21:05

I have been suspicious of my partner. So I looked through his phone. I found a video taken a few days ago literally running after a girl, getting right behind her and then video her bum walking. I really don't know what to do or think. It's not actually cheating but it's really weird. I feel odd. How should I be reacting? Think I'm a bit shocked

OP posts:
MadeMan · 29/04/2015 10:57

"I am a member of a running club and the "hard core" runner guys often joke about choosing to draft behind the leading "hot" women so they can watch their arses."

Makes sense. Greyhounds chase after that rabbit-on-a-stick thing down at the track. Perhaps a bum-on-a-stick would make the men run quicker in the 400 metres athletics.

Vivacia · 29/04/2015 11:51

I am a member of a running club and the "hard core" runner guys often joke about choosing to draft behind the leading "hot" women so they can watch their arses

I couldn't think about this when I read it yesterday. But seriously. WTAF? I bet it's a fucking laugh a minute in that running club.

I am so tired of this shit.

Fontella · 29/04/2015 11:57

You must be down playing it because a man like this would not be sleeping under my roof tonight, nor any other night

Too fucking right!

His arse would be moving faster than the one he videod - at the end of my boot and out of the door.

Georgina1975 · 29/04/2015 11:57

Absolutely Vivacia - this post struck me too. Horrid.

pocketsaviour · 29/04/2015 15:00

Whilst I don't wish to make it sound like I'm defending this horrible creep, videoing someone in a public place is not illegal. So don't hesitate to send yourself the footage if you think you will need it.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 29/04/2015 15:05

Said I can put my thing in anything if I have a condom on and it's not as bad as a woman cheating and having a man put his penis where she has had children

That comes right out of the cheaters manual that does.

What a weirdo.

Mark21Rach20 · 29/04/2015 15:06

No he didn't know her. He just said something the other night that sounded too honest. We were talking about cheating and he says it is worse when a woman cheats. Said I can put my thing in anything if I have a condom on and it's not as bad as a woman cheating and having a man put his penis where she has had children. Thought it was a really odd comment. Am I right?

WHAT?!! Thats absolute rubbish. Cheating is cheating, doesnt matter which way. So he can cheat and its ok? But you cant?

As for the videoing, you'd be suprised how common this actually is. I've known at least two blokes do it when they see a bum they like.

Cococrazy · 29/04/2015 18:53

I couldn't get his phone this morning. I've looked in every hiding place I could think of in this house and so far I have found nothing that is incriminating. The only place it would be is on his phone.
He doesn't even know that I have the passcode. I worked it out after seeing two of the numbers he put in. I will try tonight when he is sleeping. I need time to look through properly. His phone is permanently glued to him at the moment

OP posts:
PsychopathOnTheCyclepath · 29/04/2015 19:23

I'm sorry but pocketsaviour is incorrect. If you take video of members of the public, and that video is for sexual gratification purposes and obviously so (which the video of this young woman's arse would be) then it does constitute an offence. I'm happy to link to cases in courts that have resulted in convictions for this type of offence. So as it would be classed as sexual material and distributing it would be a further offence.

Please don't give the OP advice which would result in criminal proceedings, she has enough on her plate.

OP, you've already seen this footage - you know it exists. Why do you need to snoop more? What do you want to find - further videos, proof of cheating? Why not just deal with the information you have (which is already disturbing enough).

PsychopathOnTheCyclepath · 29/04/2015 19:26

Actually here 's a link explaining why what the OP's husband is doing, is classed as a criminal offence.

voyeurism

PsychopathOnTheCyclepath · 29/04/2015 19:28

Further link relating to the UK legislation

voyeurism

Cococrazy · 29/04/2015 21:00

Thank you. I might just send it to him then pack his bags

OP posts:
DarkNavyBlue · 29/04/2015 21:33

Surely of the woman were just walking down the street, she wouldn't be engaging in a 'private act', and therefore what the DH has done isn't illegal?

I would still consider it a sackable offence though, and the comment about cheating just wouldn't come from someone I would stay married to.

SilverBadger · 29/04/2015 22:34

Sorry, Psycho, but this isn't a criminal offence - Dark Navy Blue is right. Running in public isn't a "private act" and I'd be surprised if the runner had "genitals, buttocks or breasts ...exposed or covered only with underwear" (Sexual Offences Act 2003 s 68 (1) (a))
So sharing the images isn't illegal. That said, he's clearly a pervert.

deste · 29/04/2015 23:18

How would you feel if he was filming up womans skirts on an escalator or filming over toilet doors because I would say that he would be capable of that also. Where does he stop because I doubt this would be a one -off.

CinnabarRed · 30/04/2015 04:44

I wanted to share my experience with you, to give you the other side of the coin. I'd also like to emphasis that in my case there was a criminal prosecution and the person involved pleaded guilty (and now has a criminal record).

In late 2010, I was Christmas shopping in my local shopping centre with DS2, then around 8 months old. I had several bags hung off the back of his buggy; when I was in the queue to pay for my parking, I took my hands off the buggy to slot the coins into the machine and his buggy tipped backwards (DS2 was unhurt). I bent down to pick up the buggy and check on DS2, and as they do my jeans pulled down a little so that the top of my knickers showed over the top of my jeans.

As it happens, the security guards of the shopping centre had noticed DS2's buggy topple backwards and we just commenting to themselves how hassled I looked, when they noticed that a man behind us in the queue was taking a close interest in me/DS2. He took out his phone and took what turned out to be several close up photos of my bottom as I bent down.

After I paid for my parking, he followed me into the lift and got out at my floor, saying he'd noticed the buggy thing and asking if I needed any help. I, thinking he was a perfectly normal person, politely said no and walked to my car. He followed me to my car, taking several more photos of my bottom on the way.

The first I knew was when two of the security guards made a citizen's arrest on him, and escorted me to my car. Although I had known nothing was happening at the time, I was quite distressed when they explained what had happened.

A policeman took my statement that evening, and then several days later i heard that whoever was responsible for deciding whether to prosecute (CPS? I'm not very familiar with the terminology) wanted to make something of a test case of it.

As PP say above, due to the public nature of the place where the photos were taken, what the man did wasn't a sex crime per se. Instead the man was charged under a pretty obscure piece of 19th Century public order legislation. The offense he was charged with 'outraging public decency'. In other words, the 'victim' under this offence wasn't me, the person being photographed, but the general public who could have been distressed at a man taking sexualised photos of an unknowing woman. It seems the fact that no members of the public were distressed was irrelevant - they could have been.

Anyway, the man pleaded not guilty, so we went to court and it was listed in Aylesbury in June 2011. Luckily for me, he changed his plea to guilty 10 minutes before the case was due to start. The judge described him as a dirty old man, and he got a fine of £650 plus costs. But, to my more importantly, he got a criminal record.

If anyone wants to look up the case, it's Regina V BULLOCK.

Sorry for the long post - but I wanted you to know that what your DP did was a criminal act (albeit one he is unlikely to be prosecuted for).

CinnabarRed · 30/04/2015 04:45

I should add - my buttocks and genitals absolutely weren't visible in any of the photos. Neither was my face (although DS2's clearly was).

The4Cs · 30/04/2015 04:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Footle · 30/04/2015 06:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HappenstanceMarmite · 30/04/2015 07:53

Are you absolutely certain that HE took the video? That it is not some round-robin forwarded thing from his mates? Just playing Devil's advocate here.

Vivacia · 30/04/2015 08:22

Just playing Devil's advocate here.

Why? Would it make much of a difference whether he took the film himself or had merely sought it out from elsewhere to enjoy later?

HappenstanceMarmite · 30/04/2015 08:38

Why? Would it make much of a difference whether he took the film himself or had merely sought it out from elsewhere to enjoy later?

Well if it was on his phone because it was one of those 'joke/amusing' forwarded videos, I would say that differs a great deal from her husband following a woman and sleazily filming her.

And I am not condoning forwarding such videos round-robin style, before you leap on me again Vivacia. Jeez.

Vivacia · 30/04/2015 08:41

I admire you for posting your story CinnabarRed.

suzannecanthecan · 30/04/2015 08:50

My guess is that he has taken the video because he wants to watch it while he masturbates, he finds it more stimulating than relying on memory to recreate what he saw.
He also sounds a bit dim, certainly not very articulate, his explanation of why it's ok for men to cheat but not women sounds as if it came from a child ?

CinnabarRed · 30/04/2015 08:59

The man who took the photos of me said that he wanted them to show his wife how badly young people nowadays dress... I was 35 at the time, so hardly in the first flush of youth. And he couldn't explain why he needed a dozen pictures of me to illustrate his point Hmm.

The thing I found most offensive wasn't the initial photos of me rescuing DS2, even though those ones were closer and showed a strip of my knickers. It was the following me into the lift and getting out on my floor (his car was on a completely different level, it turns out). I could almost excuse the first set of photos as an opportunistic impulse, particularly if he had showed any remorse. But getting into my lift, choosing to go past his floor, and then follow me - that was pre-meditated.

In the case of the OP's P - he started the video recording, chased after the girl and then filmed her in close up - that's all premeditated.

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