Husband's affair: I have started!

[tomatoplantproject]

I have had my first thread deleted this morning, because I posted too much identifying information and disclosed far too much detail about my plans. However the support I have received so far has been amazing, and I have such a long way to go still.

The story so far: I discovered at the weekend my husband has been having an on/off affair for the last 6 months. He finished it before I discovered the evidence because he had decided to choose me over her.

I have been utterly devastated by this. In my anger I have taken the practical steps I need in order to help secure my long term future (I think).

My final practical step will be to get our home back for dd and me for a while. And then let the dust settle and figure out how to rebuild or recreate my life. With minimal collateral damage to dd.

Please keep holding my hand.

You really do.

I have to face him tomorrow

I think I am going to crumble when I see him. I'm just so sad. And I don't feel alone because my parents have been so amazing but I feel like I've lost my best friend. It just feels so wrong not picking up the phone to him.

Even best friends fall out. You won't crumble in front of him as DD will be there. You are probably more likely to want to lamp him one when you see him. You can cry when you get home and your parents can distract DD.

He's going to look like shit on toast and you are going to be in control.

Can you ask your parents to pick her up?

Undeux that is very sweet of you. And yes I am going to have to put my jolly happy face on for dd.

So sorry you're going through this. Don't forget that he is no longer your best friend. He has betrayed that privileged position.

We've talked about it. Mum has said she would spit in his face if she saw him at the moment! Dad will be nearby and if I'm really wobbly I am sure he will come with me for support.

He's expecting to see me. And I've promised dd that when she gets out of the train I will be there.

I know he's lost that status blood. It hurts though. Just thank goodness I have such strong support here.

Although mum keeps asking me what we're going to feed dd and I don't know - it's a permanent problem thinking of nutritious food she will eat.

you also have great parents. I was just trying to imagine how I would feel if my DD was going through this. Spit in his face ..... You obviously inherited your control from your parents. So and for your folks as well as you.

Not so much nutritious but fun... For a special great, My DC's love making sausage spiders with me. Hot dog sausages cut up into thirds with spaghetti pushed through for the legs. Cooked in boiling water, served with lashings of veg.

Treat, not great.

That sounds great! Maybe I should do a bit of Pinteresting for some more fun ideas.

Does she like the gruffalo? On the gruffalo website, there is a recipe for gruffalo crumble, which is full of good stuff. Sweet potato pancakes are another good one. Think that was Hugh FW one.

Ooh yes gruffalo crumble might work. And I'm also thinking sandwiches cut into little shapes.

Dolls tea party.... Where 'someone' has to eat the sandwiches to make it look like the dolls have.

Sleep well tonight.

my instincts right now are to keep my little girl with me

Then that's absolutely what you must do - always, always trust your instincts on these things

Oh, and I wouldn't worry too much about him avoiding disapproving looks by going straight back; all that says to me is that he's thinking rather too much of his own feelings, although to be fair it works well for you too

Have been awake for an hour now and not at all sleepy. I have that horrible nervous feeling.

So far I have bought online a coat I tried on but they didn't have my size in the shop. It is a nice and cheerful bright green.

And looked at beds for dd. She has outgrown her cot and should really be in a bed. She wants it to be pink. Of course. But I think that a white bed with pink bedding will be ok.

And my shoulders are now very sore which I think is tension so I have been in touch with a local travelling masseuse.

Tomato, I'm in a different time zone to you so always up for a natter by PM if you're awake in the night and struggling.

xx

You will get through today and for now, don't think any further ahead than you have to. Your DD will be back in your arms and it sounds as though you need to have her close to you.

The nervous feeling is horrid and drains you like nothing else. Lean on your parents and let the day unfold. At the moment you are so conflicted, its almost impossible to see what's ahead. Its as though someone has taken all the 'cards' of your family life and thrown them up in the air. You've lost that certainty about the future and, for that matter, the present.

Once your DD is with you, your days will be full of being Mum again. But having your Mum and Dad there too means you can be their daughter and take all the help they can give you. This is the time to let them be there for you.

I've been up for hours as ds has a cold, woke me at six to tell me he thinks a chocolate croissant would help!!!!!!

Annabel karmel has some lovely recipes

I've been up for hours as ds has a cold, woke me at six to tell me he thinks a chocolate croissant would help!!!!!!

I'm inclined to agree with him.

OP - I've been quietly lurking and willing you on. You sound like you have your head screwed on and are doing the right things to look after yourself and DD. Just remember to continue being kind to yourselfand listening to yourself. I am sure you will find a way through. Good luck.

Just to say I think you're dealing with this with amazing practicality, emotional intelligence and dignity. I have such admiration for you.

It has also set me thinking about what a difference it makes to have emotionally intelligent and supportive parents. Not that I want to take away from all you have accomplished.

There's another thread on here from a woman who gathered up courage to kick out her e a husband only to receive an appalling email from her mother telling her how wrong she was, she should take him back and offer him lots more sex.

As someone who had that kind of mother my heart went out to her.

I am convinced your lovely girl will grow up into a strong and fine woman. You are being as good a role model for her as your own mother clearly is for you.

Thanks everyone. I've managed a bit more sleep although with some quite disturbed dreams. Hopefully this time tomorrow dd will either be snuggled in with me or with my parents and I'll be hearing the sounds of the 3 billy goats gruff being read to her.

Christina - don't chocolate croissants solve nearly everything?! On Sunday morning when I was full of rage and didn't know what to do with myself I went out and bought croissants - including a chocolate one for myself!!

And yes I'll have to have a look again at Annabel karmel - I stopped looking for inspiration from her ages ago after dd refused all of the nice things I had cooked. She's a bit older now so maybe a good time to try again.

And again I end up being pissed off with dh. He's the culinary whizz in our household. He makes the most delicious food. But all of the food for dd is left to me and he knows I struggle with inspiration and rely on the same old same old. If you ask her what she wants its either couscous or pasta and pesto which is no help. Grrrr.

Do you know what is so amazing right now? That you guys are here, and you know what I have gone through. And that you recognise the thoughts and feelings and can help make sense of them. And that you take the time to read and respond with some really lovely pearls of wisdom.