Affair - not sure how to cope part 2

[OpheliaRose]

In my previous thread I found out my husband was having an affair with a girl from work and has decided to leave me for her.

My previous thread is here for anyone who would like to se ether full details Old Thread

Changed my mind, do what GERTI says.

(Love the name btw! Cabin Pressure fan by any chance? )

Leaving out the reference to your solicitor also means the first he knows of his/her existence will be when a letter lands on his doormat. That should really knock him for six, the bastard.

He probably needs to make himself scarce at the love nest, hence the request to see the twins tomorrow. WF will be livid her nicer than nice, makes you feel as if your the only person in the room when she speaks to you, facade is all over. Folk know them for what they are and the bubble has well and truly burst.

YY to GERTI response, then please switch it off and go get a hug from someone who truly loves you. Xx

Delurking to offer my support.

He is SO predictable. Everyone said he'd move on to using your children to get at you and look….he has.

I agree GERTI's suggestion is perfect. Minimal, factual response - you can collect kids at x time, please return them by y time. And get someone else to do handover as she suggested.

His messages today just highlight what a complete twat he is being. Get angry! How dare he!

The tables have turned a little now, remember at the start you were the one contacting him? Well now he's confused and doesn't know what's going on, hence inundating you with texts this afternoon.

He's starting to realise you do hold power. Yes don't tell him your dad or dB will do the handover. He'll probably turn up cheat puffed out to have a go at you. Your dad answering the door to him will be perfect, especially as you said they were friendly going to rugby etc together. It's time he came face to face with your army

Chest puffed out but cheat is also apt!

Definitely Gerti's response and get someone else to do the handover. Get that sorted and then get some rest.

I suspect things will be less than wonderful tonight in Sodom and Gomorra and it serves the pair of them right.

Gerti's response is the one. Don't mention the solicitor - not his business until you're in a better place mentally and have your plans in place. Don't mention the handover, again not his business.

Ophelia, this man who you loved is about to deflect all of his shame and guilt back onto you. It will be how he tries to convince himself that he's still a good person. Not engaging with him leaves him without power, and eventually he may begin to understand what he has done. This is the best way forward for you.

Neither of them wanted their little bubble burst. They wanted their fun without the responsibility of the fallout they created.

Gerti is a genius. No mention of somebody else doing the handover, nor of solicitors.

They've held all the cards with their sick games and will now be handed ownership of the consequences of their actions. Reality bites.

Well he's a bit rattled isn't he! Trying to play nasty now you've exposed his dirty little secret, what a prick.

Let him see the children with someone else handing over. Interesting how they were only mentioned when he was trying to hurt you via text though.

He is rattled. Ask yourself this Ophelia, if your best friend in the whole world had done this to her family, would you still hold her in such high esteem? I doubt it very much, and they will both lose a lot of friends now the word is starting to get out.

Do not engage with him. It will infuriate him that he can't control and manipulate you. Do. Not. Engage. Put yourself and your children first, be kind to you and please try and delete him from facebook. Don't give him any more power.

One day at a time, you're doing great x

I agree with what gerti has advised.

I will also say, what's this and his demands? Threats?

Numpty.

Defo unfriend him on facebook.

Thank you Gerti for your excellent advice again.

wristy i think your right! I believe Wednesday's are when OW has her ex over for tea with their little boy. Although I'm shocked at the idea he's staying there ... What nut her kid think! Although I'm starting to think maybe her kid has known him a bit longer.

Also delurking to offer my support along with everyone else. You really are so admirable in how you're handling this and I'm really sorry it's happened to you too.

I agree with Gerti and others who advise cutting contact with him as it will hurt everytime you get a message. You need time to get sad, angry, strengthen yourself, whatever you need to do to get through this. I recommend writing a journal, counselling, going out with a friend, reading chumplady.com and baggage reclaim online. Also, if you like reading, a book by Susan Elliott called Getting Past Your Breakup was useful.

It all takes time but eventually you do start to feel better - it is a loss and you do have to grieve. And he is a fool if he does not realise your worth.

Take extra care of yourself.

Read both threads OP,
You are so strong, well done.
Don't respond to the asshole, you hold the cards here, respond when you want and like pp have said, keep it basic and factual.
Do you have a friend to spend some time with tonight?
I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling.

Oh OP I just wanted to pop in again and say how well I think you're doing,and how much of a bastard he is!Really he is despicable.Hugs to you

Ophelia ooo in that case I would say no to weds :)

I agree. They are only available on Friday this week, aren't they?

If you really wanted to twist the knife in, go with all of Gertis advice,
But put in at the beginning,
"Sorry plans tomorrow night, the following night they are available", and then as per Gertis responce.

Start messing up their routine, but if you don't feel strong enough, thats fine.

"Your colleague was obviously suspicious and asked me outright, I am not in the habit of being dishonest so told her the truth. I am neither going to lie for you or rewrite history, as you seem to have, to cover up your sworded little affair and any consequences of your actions are entirely your fault."

Just a thought about the facebook thing. Ophelia, how would you feel if HE blocked YOU first?

It's a small, insignificant thing that could make you feel really awful. So... on that basis, you really need to cut that particular medium as an option. It may frustrate you that you can't see what's happening, but you really don't need to torture yourself with it anyway. So please, please, please, please, block him. It's timely, and it's the right thing for YOU to do. If you leave it until he does it, you will feel even more crappy (well, I would!). It's powerful, even if it IS really hard.