Affair - not sure how to cope part 2

[OpheliaRose]

In my previous thread I found out my husband was having an affair with a girl from work and has decided to leave me for her.

My previous thread is here for anyone who would like to se ether full details Old Thread

Fucking hell, what a piece of work, blaming innocent children. As for not using protection when she's hinted that she can have "fun elsewhere", Just no. They are both rancid.

"Ive got to book up at the STD clinic now..."

OP definitely reply. You need to set the record straight.

Ophelia, just say you are surprised by his comments, because your sex life was great on holiday and you had a brilliant time. He was happy and relaxed. It has come out of nowhere for you.

That just goes to show EXACTLY how much of a low life he is.

Blaming 2 innocent children for his wanting to get his knobber sucked in a cupboard. But then having unprotected intercourse which could produce another child?

I feel like I need to bang my head off a brick wall.

You've heard it firsthand from someone else now that he is using you as an excuse for his affair. This isn't right in my book and you need to stand up for yourself here.

If he loses his job you will be able to support your children - even if it means going on benefits - there is many charities out there who help women in your situation.

Ohhhhh he makes me so angry!

I do think you need to say or imply a healthy sex life, because it will be the first thing he implies. Oh, woe is me, I had twins and my wife neglected me.

I had twins too, and dh didn't get ANY sex for 4 years. 4 long years. But he didn't have an affair.

There is also no guarantee he'll support you even with his job. You can't trust him for anything.

He wants people to think that your relationship was in trouble, you and he amicably split, and then she provided him a shoulder to cry on. Why would you go along with this?

Please set the record straight on this op. Tell everyone what a shit he is. I would stay silent to him (as much as you can - it must be so hard ), as others have said - silence is power.

I would say that his 'version' of events couldn't be further from the truth, but it is amazing how often men who are unfaithful and having illicit rendezvous in cupboards in the workplace will attempt to rewrite history to justify their own awful actions.

She's been really nice about it but I also know she is really good friends with OW and H so although she feels sympathy for me I imagine she'll still stick by them.

I feel so tired and worn down by all this.

Ophelia if either he or she were one of my good friends I would be utterly ashamed of them and I would tell them so too!!

It's unlikely he would lose his job, he would certainly get a warning. Unfortunately I don't think sex/acts in offices is that rare. Well going by my office anyway

By getting the affair message out there you don't need to mention what happened in the office itself.

I don't think you should stay silent, why should you. Staying silent is just letting them get away with it, of course she doesn't want to be in a relationship with him on FB as everyone will see it and know what she is, There i nothing wrong with updating your status or relationship on facebook with a brief to the point comment saying he has been having an affair and has left you, as people are asking since he's changed his relationship status, this is what has happened, let them explain the rest.

You don't have to tip paint thinner on her car or paste their naked photos and message's all over facebook, just make it clear he has left you because he has been having an affair behind your back with OW

and keep your guard up regarding the girl from work, she might be fishing for OW

Step away for a bit love.

You don't need to do anything yet apart from cope.

Try to develop some coping strategies, you cannot live this situation 24hrs a day.
Get friends round, watch a good film, have a nice day out with the kids, plan a weekend away, eat something nice, have a long indulgent bath.
Try to spend a few minutes each day taking yourself out of this situation or you will make yourself ill.
Life will be good again it really will in time.

Totally off your topic OP, sorry but when my cousin found out about her H affair, she stood up in front of the church after the service and told the whole congregation!

Mahaha

Yeah. Tell the friend you're worried as last smear came back with irregular cells and your concerned about HPV virus. Pass on your concern for the OWs health seeing as they weren't being careful.

thepink brilliant. Just brilliant.

I think you should forget about what's happening at his work/what everyone thinks etc

Focus on looking after you. Take some time alone. Try to think beyond this.

What he is doing with this woman is now not part of your life. You need to let yourself adjust and not get embroiled in gossip and revenge.

And hell mend them.

I'm going to go against the grain and say to send the email you composed to him. Yes, it shows you're feeling hurt, but of course you are. He only left last week. Make it the last time you do so, though. From then on, treat him with icy disdain.

I'm furious on your behalf, and if I were you I just could not allow them to re-write history in order to play fucking Romeo and Juliet.

Could your mum come and stay with you for a few days?

I just wish he could have been bloody honest with me and told me he didn't want our marriage anymore instead of starting an affair.

I still don't believe we had "issues" no marriage is perfect but we were happy.

It's so hard being here all alone with my twins upstairs sleeping. When I look in I just burst into tears.

You are doing an amazing job and you have to grieve but Ledkr is right - you need to take time for yourself - even little things - to take your mind away from rehashing all that has gone on. Also you are not alone - we are here with you.