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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Affair - not sure how to cope part 2

954 replies

OpheliaRose · 23/04/2015 08:58

In my previous thread I found out my husband was having an affair with a girl from work and has decided to leave me for her.

My previous thread is here for anyone who would like to se ether full details Old Thread

OP posts:
HoggleHoggle · 25/04/2015 19:59

Yes, my dad also moved straight in with ow when I was 7.

I don't think we met her for a few months, however I remember clear as a bell that when we did meet her my dad said to me and my sister beforehand that we had to give ow a hug Angry

Even at that age I knew something wasn't fucking right with that.

I'm saying this because it sounds as though your husband has a similar level of low morals. So I would really prepare for yourself what you would find unacceptable in terms of his access time, so YOU are setting the agenda. Don't let him play mind games with either you or your dc.

You are doing really well.

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 25/04/2015 20:05

To divorce using adultery as grounds I believe that adultery needs to have happened up to six months before the split. I used these grounds for my suicide divorce even though the paperwork was only started over a year later.

BettyCatKitten · 25/04/2015 20:07

This pair of twunts are so self absorbed and selfish that neither of them sound like they'd put their kids first. This is evident in how they have conducted themselves.

countingto10 · 25/04/2015 20:16

You are doing remarkably well OP considering the shock you have been through. I was in your position almost 6 years ago to the day - I got the "I love you but not in love with you" speech. DH moved out within the week (to OW that I knew nothing about). Those weeks were the most traumatic of my life and unfortunately, as they were older, for my DCs too.

I got through with the help of friends, family and Mumsnet (the poster "Whenwillifeelnormal" was a lifesaver at the time). I even phoned the Samaritans at 2.00am one desperate night Sad. My DH and I have repaired our marriage but he was living with the OW for 6 weeks and even took the DCs to hers without me knowing [anger].

Can I just say, please don't make any life changing decisions atm, it is recommended that 3 months is a good time when the initial shock has warned off. Please protect yourself legally and financially (especially with regards to the house, your interest needs to be registered ASAP). When I was a child in the 70's, my parents bought a house and on moving day they turned up to find the wife and children in residence with no idea their husband and father had sold the house from under them Shock - my parents' solicitor gave her a week to find alternative accommodation and we had to stay with relatives.

Please do not underestimate what your H will be capable of, he is no longer your friend - friends would not treat each other like he is treating you.

Please be very kind to yourself and allow others to take care of you, you have mentally been hit by a bus and need intensive care. I ended up on diazepam, weighing under 7 st and surviving on microwave popcorn.

Take care, one day at a time and this too will pass were my mantras Flowers

Clarabumps · 25/04/2015 20:44

What a total prick!!! Gerti really hit the nail on the head with the fact that he hasn't really thought this through as he's thinking with his bits rather than his brain.
You'll get this sorted. Having the twins share a room will be nice for them when they're little. My three little ones share a room and I think it makes them really close. Obviously it's not ideal when they hit the teenage years but who knows what the future holds. You are such a strong person, it is like being hit by a bus as counting says. Keep going and look after yourself.

Christinayangstwistedsister · 25/04/2015 21:04

I can't believe anyone can be so completely cold hearted, it's not even been a week

She is disgusting, she knows he is a married man with two kids...what a vile bitch

Original poster
OpheliaRose · 25/04/2015 21:06

Her messages make it clear she isn't bothered by the fact he's married

OP posts:
Christinayangstwistedsister · 25/04/2015 21:09

Well he really has found a winner hasn't he!!!!

You are worth a million of her and don't forget it x

LaurieFairyCake · 25/04/2015 21:18

If you love your home and can imagine living there with the children without him then think about keeping it.

The costs of buying and moving and stamp duty is quite prohibitive so it could be cheaper to stay.

On a lighter note we all hate him so much you can easily get a posse together of women to rip his nuts off Wink

I have a nutcracker.... who's got a saw?

Christinayangstwistedsister · 25/04/2015 21:19

A saw would be quick...I am thinking nail file....

Justusemyname · 25/04/2015 21:20

DH recently bought a new one...

BettyCatKitten · 25/04/2015 21:25

.....chainsaw in the shed........

LaurieFairyCake · 25/04/2015 21:26
Cherryapple1 · 25/04/2015 21:27

Some people have no morals. She clearly has as few as him.

The OW gloated to me that my ex left me and went straight to her. She considered it a great achievement on her part. Sadly some folk have no honesty or decency about them.

I think a rusty, blunt hacksaw blade would be very good - and slow.....

CitySnicker · 25/04/2015 21:27

Christ. I'd arm myself with some wine and upload some of his shit onto HIS facebook page. The selfie pic, with 'My darling, I can't believe it's been only 3 weeks since you got down on your knees for me in the stationary cupboard. Now I'm all yours!' Do it from a public computer. God, I'm so angry on your behalf.

CitySnicker · 25/04/2015 21:28

She must have crippling self esteem issues I think. She needs to feel powerful.

Christinayangstwistedsister · 25/04/2015 21:29

Since he is so fond of stationary perhaps we should use a stapler....

ClareAbshire · 25/04/2015 21:29

Just de lurking to say I've been reading and been more and more shocked with every new revelation. You're coping so well op. Big unmumsnetty hugs Flowers

LaurieFairyCake · 25/04/2015 21:37

We could do some serious damage to his foreskin with that stapler

One of my favourite (!) memories from my divorce is my best friend phoning up my just left ex and calling him a fucking cunt. And by being put through to him by the secretary he was fucking to say that.Grin

Christinayangstwistedsister · 25/04/2015 21:41

Laurie

Yes and just think what we could do with the staple remover

123Jump · 25/04/2015 21:42

Hi OpheliaRose, have been following your thread the last few days, and had to come on after reading about their selfie in bed.
It actually brought tears to my eyes that he could do that. Within days of leaving you...you just couldn't believe someone could do that!
But as others have said, it proves that he checked out long ago.
His fall is coming. Be sure of that.
WineCakeFlowers

Original poster
OpheliaRose · 25/04/2015 22:04

CitySnicker thank you for making me laugh

Yes he has got a real winner, I don't know what I expected realy I mean this is a woman who was prepared to have sex and give blow jobs at work but I guess as she is a mother herself and was in a long term relationship she;d have more morals and at least be bothered a bit that he was married!

OP posts:
CitySnicker · 25/04/2015 22:15

No. I'd do it! But then I don't have kids to worry about. It could all v easily turn into tit for tat. You are doing so well xxx

BettyCatKitten · 26/04/2015 00:43

ophelia clearly not.
This woman has no morals, nor your ex h. They're as bad as each other.

Frizzybear · 26/04/2015 00:48

Hi ophelia hope your ok, feeling crappy myself Matie, just feels so unreal doesn't it? Not only am I enduring this shitty nightmare like yourself, I have lived it as a child, sadly exactly the same age as my daughter, our youngest who is 10, I remember like yesterday being forced by my dad to meet her, she was 19 he was 32, ignored her for the first hour till my dad told me I HAD to be nice, as a child you do as your told really, went home to my mum who had no idea and she went mad! In the end she had to sit on the sofa with the woman who had ripped her family apart and pretend they were friends, just so I could see my dad, he left this woman too, then another, with a new one now, god help her, xxx