Bloody SIL wants to visit again

[midlifehope]

Again at worst possible time! We live by beach. No one visits in winter - in summer everyone interested. However this year I will be heavily pregnant / about to be in labour / in labour. Also we will be moving house locally or recently moved. I want them to respect our space, but they are insistent - saying they will camp in garden and only stay a night or two. What would you do / say?

Ps when do announced our pregnancy to her, sister in law simply said 'oh no'.....

Now they want to visit at a very vulnerable time and I can't seem to put them off!

I'll text her. I'll run interference and stage an intervention.
My SIL has form so I can understand your anxiety and frustration.
I'd be ashamed if I were her. A bunch of randoms on MN being more thoughtful than she?
To quote Scrappy Doo ' let me at her'

Or. Tell her you think the area around you house is haunted. I'm quite prepared to leap from a hedge wailing and gibbering.
With my pitch fork. The light from my oil drum fire will add a spooky effect.
Or like Gandalf. You shall not pass!

'I can't believe you are even asking. Remember DC? nearly died and spent 10 days in NICU so I am very anxious this time. The last thing I need to think about is visitors around my due date.'

But really your DH should tackle this, away or not. SIL is well out of order OP!

Maybe your parents could give her a talking-to. Is there any chance they will come into contact with SIL anytime soon? Would her own (and DH's parents) be of any help in reining her in?

Just tell her NO. Keep saying no. If she does turn up lock all doors and ignore the silly cow.

The only person who your SIL may well listen to is your man; her brother (and he seems weak when it comes to his overbearing sister).

No point whatsoever in getting your own parents involved; that just plays into SILs hands even more. SIL will go onto think even less of OP for doing that.

Think also that her own parents have played a big role in how SIL behaves now. They may well be just as overbearing and demanding.

Dear sil, It will not be possible for you to stay either in the house or garden between (insert dates).

Does the Dp concerned get a say in whether he sees his sister?

What does your husband mean if??

You know now that you don't want visitors!

SIL sounds very rude & selfish.

You have to tell her no as it doesn't sound as if your husband will!

He can see her, no problem at all but she can't stay.
The DP is not the one who will be nearly full term pregnant or have just given birth.

OP don't give therm a reason, they'll just think of a way to get round it.

Just 'no, and of course kids will know you, we will all come visit you at Christmas...' start telling her you're all visiting her very soon, she can't tell you know and expect hospitality from you!

Dp is actually a very strong willed person but obviously feels conflicted re his sis and me. He fell out with her over her refusal of our Xmas visit as we host them every summer. He's just buried the hatchet with her and seems to not want to rock the boat..... Grrrrr

Yeah but he's not the one squeezing a human out of his fanny.

Come on, text her!

I am amazed how people regard being pregnant as a reason for getting your own way in everything!

In my opinion, pregnant or not, you don't want a visit as it isn't convenient. That should be enough. Unfortunately, and especially when it comes to family, it often isn't enough.
Your DH is clearly not going to be any help so you will have to manage this yourself.
An email along the lines of ... Sil, I think we have our wires crossed. This summer isn't a good time at all for visitors so we will not be hosting. It's a shame but with the baby coming and the impending move it isn't possible. There are lots of nice places in the area and I have attached some links if you still want to holiday nearby. Let us know if you do book anything. Love me and DH
Copy DH in. He can't really overrule you here as no doubt he won't be the one sorting bedding, meals, towels etc for the extra guests.

Hak, you appear to have missed this:

"my last baby nearly died and spent 10 days in NICU"

and why does ANYONE have to give a reason for getting their own way in terms of who comes to stay in their own home? my home, my rules.

Dp is actually a very strong willed person but obviously feels conflicted re his sis and me. He fell out with her over her refusal of our Xmas visit as we host them every summer. He's just buried the hatchet with her and seems to not want to rock the boat..... Grrrrr

• So, you host every summer and SiL refused to host last summer - strike 1
• Her refusal to take "no" for an answer - strike 2
• Does your DH live with you or his DS? Would he like to live with his DS? Let him ponder on his answer :-)
• ... He's just buried the hatchet with her" - I'd be burying the hatchet in him!

Squeeze something the size of a melon, out of a hole the size of a lemon - then you get a say in matters. Until then...

being pregnant as a reason for getting your own way
Too feckin' right it is.

You are all so lovely. I love mums net . I'm imagining a virtual barricade of you all around my house with pitchforks

There's absolutely no reason that her DH can't see his sister. Just as there's absolutely no reason she should HAVE to stay with them / in their garden. Like Midlife says, plenty of alternatives nearby. And his sister seems less than keen to see her brother outside of the school holiday beach season. Funny that.
(my own SIL descends each July like a royal f*ckign progress... dates to suit her, activities to suit her, catering to suit her, she invites a whole host of people to OUR HOUSe to pay court to her while she's at our house, requires driving to her next destination afterwards because she'd have to pay to hire a car etc etc - I feel your pain on an annual basis)

How convenient it is for her to bury the hatchett just in time for summer !! Also tell your dp she doesn't seem to bothered about rocking the boat now .

midlife - I completely understand where you are coming from! I am 25 weeks pregnant and struggling to stand up to my inlaws as well on certain issues, although none as intrusive as this!

I am with everyone else when I say you absolutely cannot let her come and camp out on your lawn! But I totally get how hard it is to stand your ground, and agree that you need DH in your corner.

Definitely offer information on alternative places to stay near by and stress how lovely it would be to see them, but there is ABSOLUTELY no way that you can have them to stay.

I hypocritically urge you to be firm as I am not, lol, but am here for you in solidarity.

Dear God OP, they are being incredibly rude and pushy!!!

You DO NOT have to justify your decisions to anyone, EVER!!!

Get a grip woman!!!!

Email them back now and say the following:

Hi xxxx

DH and I have decided that we will not be having any visitors during the period of xxxxx to xxxxx

So it's not going to be possible for you to stay or camp in the garden

Lots of nice B&B's in the area so if you need some recommendations, let me know and I'll recommend something as far away from our house as possible you rude, self entitled cow

Love xxxxx

Avoid using words such as sorry or unfortunately etc and don't be tempted to end with 'hope you don't mind/hope you understand'

Just send the above and if she tries to negotiate then just repeat!

Muriel, this is good, even end with "we know you will understand" or words to that effect

Your DH needs to back you up. I'm sure you are feeling really vulnerable. I hope you have a better birth experience this time around.