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Original poster

Bloody SIL wants to visit again

189 replies

midlifehope · 21/04/2015 21:26

Again at worst possible time! We live by beach. No one visits in winter - in summer everyone interested. However this year I will be heavily pregnant / about to be in labour / in labour. Also we will be moving house locally or recently moved. I want them to respect our space, but they are insistent - saying they will camp in garden and only stay a night or two. What would you do / say? Shock

Ps when do announced our pregnancy to her, sister in law simply said 'oh no'.....

Now they want to visit at a very vulnerable time and I can't seem to put them off!

OP posts:
Original poster
midlifehope · 21/04/2015 22:08

I tried to put them off just now. This is their reply..... "just passing through really otherwise your other dc won't know who we r !! U can get on with labour or moving ! we won't be there long either ..probably only a night or two not sure date yet as havent worked out our date"

HmmHmmHmm

OP posts:
SylvaniansAtEase · 21/04/2015 22:08

The brilliant thing about rude feckers is it's always ok to be rude to them back.

'No, I don't want anyone staying this summer at all. It's the worst thing I can think of when heavily pregnant or with a tiny baby. How about coming in November? Nobody visits us in winter I've noticed - haha, if I were a nastier person I'd probably be commenting that all you want is to use us for a holiday by the sea! Anyway - sorry, no. Not at all.'

BrianButterfield · 21/04/2015 22:09

I'm with you on the living by the seaside thing - people don't realise it costs a bloody fortune when they come to stay even when they try to "not be any bother" - not an issue for very welcome guests who are good fun and well-liked by all but hard to swallow when it's guests you didn't much want to come in the first place!

fannyfanakapan · 21/04/2015 22:11

"no, sorry, that wont work for us. If you want the addresses of B&Bs or campsites locally, let me know. We will try and see you if you let us know when you are around, but no sure date yet as baby hasnt let us know his ETA! "

SylvaniansAtEase · 21/04/2015 22:11

Cheeky fuckers!

Text back:

'If anyone is within 100 metres of me when I go into labour, I might just have to slap them...that would give DC something to remember you for eh! The answer really is no this time. Don't be pushy, it's actually really going to piss me off. And you don't want to piss off a pregnant woman, haha. We're not having ANY visitors ANYWHERE near my due date.'

BrianButterfield · 21/04/2015 22:11

And of course the most welcome guests are the ones who reciprocate gladly at their houses. Funny how the not so welcome are always the ones whose houses are not very nice to stay at...

SylvaniansAtEase · 21/04/2015 22:12

Get your DH to text too and say a very firm NO.

Original poster
midlifehope · 21/04/2015 22:16

I hope they don't read this! Shock

OP posts:
Original poster
midlifehope · 21/04/2015 22:18

I think I've backed down in a reply email saying oh will have to get blokes to move boxes (trying to put them off) so will have to find a way to reassert myself when they come back with dates. Feel unaccountably stressed as I don't want to have to be arsey with partners relatives

OP posts:
Original poster
midlifehope · 21/04/2015 22:20

Brian they put us off visiting them at Xmas.... Their reason "we're not as helpful as they are".....Hmm

OP posts:
PeaceOfWildThings · 21/04/2015 22:20

Say you will not be recieving visitors that month. Give alternative dates (like last week would have bern great). Repeat with a flat no, it is not going to work. Give links to camp sites (but nothing too close) where they can make a booking. Insist that your home is not available for holiday making at all this summer, but you will extend an invitation when you are ready, probably the following spring. Send them one of those calendars from a holisay homes website with all the weeks you will be unavailable blocked out clearly in red, with a clear key. Ask which night (singular) they would like to stay, or the ones available.

Stop giving any reasons. You don't need one. She is just using them to get her own way, and isn't hearing your 'no'.

IDontDoIroning · 21/04/2015 22:21

You could just scream at her "no no no no no you can't camp into garden why can't you take no for an answer you freak "
Then burst into tears and blame your pregnant hormones

PeaceOfWildThings · 21/04/2015 22:22

Don't wait for their dates! Get your dates in first and block off a good 6 months if you want to! Suggest holiday homes, hotels and camp sites nearby.

deepdarkwood · 21/04/2015 22:30

Think it's totally appropriate to put them off. Have they got dcs?
I'd reply:
It will be fabulous to see you, but obviously as it's near my due date there is no way I can commit to you staying at the house - even in the garden - as we don't know what the situation will be. Sorry, but that month is the only month I'm planning to have a baby AND move house this year/ever (delete as appropriate)! As I'm sure you'll understand, we are making sure we don't commit to anything else that month. But it would be fab if you could camp nearby, then we can be flexible depending on whether I am still heavily pregnant/have a tiny baby/am in the middle of labour. Here are some links to nice local campsites:

Oh, and maybe ask if they are happy to look after the dcs if you are in labour when they rock up ;-) That might put them off!

Hippymama1 · 21/04/2015 22:31

Just reply:

It won't be for a night or two. It won't be for any nights at all this year. We are not accepting visitors this year as we are about to have a baby. There are plenty of campsites available locally should you wish to camp.

THE END. Wink

"U can get on with labour or moving ! " Bloody cheek!

Rivercam · 21/04/2015 22:34

Send another email straight away with a PS along the lines of..

..forget to mention on above email that we will not be having any visitors between ( 2 weeks before, and after due date), and maybe longer depending on my pregnancy. You can appreciate that at this time, I will be heavily pregnant and in no fit state to have visitors.

If they reply with a 'we'll be no bother..' reply, just reiterate your position and stay firm. Suggest later dates for a visit.

MyCatIsABiggerBastardThanYours · 21/04/2015 22:36

NO is a perfectly reasonable answer.

And I have to say Sylvanian has just given you two even better answers.

Strokethefurrywall · 21/04/2015 22:37

Fucking hell, she's got some brass balls. You need to be blunt here OP. Really really really blunt. Text back:

"You are not listening to me. The answer is NO. N.O. - this time is for my baby, my husband and I. I do not wish to be concerning myself with anyone camping in my garden around the time that I'm potentially going into labor or trying to move house. THere are more than enough campsites for you to book into, so I suggest you get booking."

Fucking cheek of her!

Original poster
midlifehope · 21/04/2015 22:58

All these answers are brilliant. It's just that I can't bring myself to say them to her! What's wrong with me? I'm just incredulous as I would never impose myself on a family about to have a baby / move house - but I'm feeling weak about being assertive! Why? Why?

OP posts:
kittybiscuits · 21/04/2015 23:17

You don't seem to be getting the message here. It's not possible for you to come and there is nothing further to discuss. :)

PeaceOfWildThings · 21/04/2015 23:21

Yes, or 'we seem to have got our wires crossed. We won't be having visitors in June, July or August. You won't be able to camp here then. Perhaps we could come and stay with you, when we're all ready for our next meet up. I think it's you turn to host us.'

Canyouforgiveher · 21/04/2015 23:31

is there a reason your DH can't send a text saying "the answer is no. you are upsetting my wife who is heavily pregnant. We love to see you later in the year."

Alternatively, pretend it is a joke. text back "you are hilarious. Thanks for making me laugh - although it also made me pee since I am so pregnant. See you after the baby is born if you can get into see us in the hospital"

People like that only get away with it because nice people like you can't bring themselves to stand up to them. Because you are afraid of being rude. But you are not being rude. She is. She also doesn't give a shit about you and your family really - you exist so she can have a place she likes to visit. Don't let her get away with it!!!

inlectorecumbit · 21/04/2015 23:32

Time for you to stand up for yourself or your SIL will continue to dismiss your thoughts/feelings/plans in the future.
Bite the bullet and send one of the suggested texts tonight then turn your phone off till tomorrow.
Remember this is the SIL who cancelled your visit at xmas,

Nanny0gg · 21/04/2015 23:40

we won't be there long either

That's very true. Because you won't be staying at all.

And if you don't stop pushing you won't be welcome next year either.

Jackw · 21/04/2015 23:40

Because you're pregnant and because she's not your blood relative. Can you get your husband to protect you on this one?