Anyone read the times article about how to save your marriage from divorce ?

[kittensinmydinner]

Very briefly, the long and short of it is ... Young children take their toll on a marriage. The 'modern' way of child centred parenting puts too much focus on the children, leading the main carer to stop putting effort into their relationship and the other spouse - working outside the home- to feel pushed out and unloved. (All the love and attention being focussed on the dcs) this leads to resentment from both parties, -Sahp feeling the other doesn't appreciate how hard child caring is, the other feeling they don't matter. Resentment builds until it goes bang - usually but not exclusively with the working parent seeking outside interests to fill the void. The solution. - a la 1950 to put the kids to bed at 7, brush your hair, have dinner ready, bit of lippy ( I'm guessing for the sahm - but who knows) and spend the evening being a spouse not a parent... The philosophy being that by putting your spouses needs before dcs you create a solid foundation for family and happier dcs. Thoughts ladies. Have we gone to far in child centred parenting or is this the holy grail of happy families. ?

I would be bored to tears having to spend every evening having compulsory Couple Time with my partner.

I would love to read the article but can't seem to find it. Could someone post a link please.

I've got the paper but can't find the article :(

It's in the weekend section of Saturday's Times. I think it is subscriber only access online - your library might have it?

Is it revolutionary that my favourite person in the whole world is my husband? His answer is the same and neither of us make any secret of this.

Our four children know the answer to the hypothetical "Who do you love most?" question is Daddy. His answer is Mummy.

I don't think there is anything old fashioned, or indeed modern, in this concept.

Who do you love most?" question is Daddy. His answer is Mummy

maybe not revolutionary. Just unusual- should we not love our famnilies equally? i love my kids more than anyone i am afraid

FATEdestiny

Just interested, but:
In a life or death situation would you save your husband or your children?
I know it's not the same, but still...

In evolutionary terms the answer should be that we love the kids more and would attempt to save them over another adult, regardless of our relationship to them.

Makes me wonder how people whose partners abuse their children would answer too.

Unless it was our identical twin sister (exactly the same genome)

I agreed with the main premise of the article, I mentioned it to my Mum who grew up in the 50s and raised me in the 70s and 80s. I expected her to agree....her response? What a load of old shit! Men are selfish bastards. She's usually spot on.

We have always been quite strict about bedtimes and fortunately, all mine seem to need their sleep. DS1, nearly 15 often says goodnight before 9. Ours is a busy house and now all the children are older they seem to like their own company in the evenings anyway. I do read threads on MN where people talk about regularly falling asleep in their child's room, waiting for the child to go to sleep - I could never have done that. We have always eaten together as a couple after youngest are in bed so bedtime routines are quick and efficient! There are posters who are still sharing beds with quite old children in order to get a good night's sleep - that must really take a toll on a relationship. Like Philoslothy, I hope I am a good enough mum but I need my space in the evening and small hours!

A few years ago I was a class rep with someone who made it clear from the outset that she wasn't interested in helping to organise anything social for the parents. She admitted freely that she didn't go out as she liked to spend all her time with her children and didnt ever leave the house in the evening. Within the year she took her children out of school to home educate. I could not live like this if my life depended on it, I'm afraid. I think a more balanced approach is healthier, personally.

At the other extreme, over the years I have sometimes noticed couples out, eg on holiday, with a child who are really overly "coupley" to the extent that the child (invariably only one child) looks like a gooseberry and excluded. That makes me feel a bit sad for the child.

Love kids more than husband? For me it's a different kind of love so not comparable in that way. Never occurred to me others see it differently.
I agree on the idea you need to make time for each other but that can't be one sided. Dh and I spend most evenings together but usually watch TV or a film. but we also touch base in the day -just a text.
dc take a lot of head space when they are little but they are in bed early. I wonder if it will be harder as they get older and stay up later?

Oh I would save dc over dh and dh would save dc over me - because that's we each of us want. Neither would want to live at the cost of dc's life. (Recent conversation - lovely and morbid).
actually my df is a family lawyer and she was telling me that in most cases where stepdad abuses dc the mother stays with the man even if that means dc are taken in to care. Totally off topic but I cannot get my head round that.

"actually my df is a family lawyer and she was telling me that in most cases where stepdad abuses dc the mother stays with the man even if that means dc are taken in to care. Totally off topic but I cannot get my head round that."

Yup. My lawyer neighbour has told me that before too.