HOBBIT'S BAR - still finding it hard to move on...part 5.

[WellWhoKnew]

If you are struggling to come to terms with the ending of your marriage, no matter how that came about, nor how long it's been, this is the place where you come to say SHIT THIS IS HARD, when you hit those times of despair.

It is the place where it is never rude to interrupt if you're having a bad day and need to vent. No matter what.

It is a place where no one will tell you to 'move on', 'get over it', or 'at least you've got...'

It is the place where the only thing anyone will tell you to do is keep on keeping on.

Amongst the shit, there are always giggles. But the only rule is: It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and interrupt the giggles. No apology necessary.

The bar, owned by Hobbit, but run by committee, is open to all as we wind our way through divorce, come to terms with our individual circumstances, or just cope with adjusting to a new life.

My name is WellWhoKnew. I am divorced. He left me just over 11 months ago. I am trying to rebuild my life by leaving the deadwood behind. I'm learning to laugh again. One day, I will 'move on', 'get over it' and be thankful that I've got what I've got. Until then, if I want to bloody moan about shit, I won't be apologising.

Because I did way too much of that during my marriage. The shit left. I'm learning to giggle again. KOKO.

Part 4

Part 3

part 2

Part 1

Our theme tune:

I'm ok, thank you iwas my love, a bit flat, back in work today after my birthday week, actually, out on Wednesday with 6 of my girl chums, so carrying on the celebrations into next week as well!

Next mediation is May 12th, time for him to get more pension information and proof of cetv, not looking forward to that, have had a few snippy emails since then, about how we have to keep a 'dialogue' open, and such nonsense; dialogue my arse! Xx

No Poldark tomorrow, I'm the only one who isn't a fan. And it MY pics day tomorrow. Anyway, I'm not sure even Hobbit has a horse in her props box. If she did she would be HobbitHorse I'll get my coat

Thank you iwashappy

OldWiseOne I find it hard keeping up too!

Night Izzie I'm off to bed too, I was very proud of myself the other night as I went to bed about 11.15 and got to sleep! Hope the hangover is not too bad. Can't believe you don't like Poldark, you like the one in James Bond don't you, forget his name now. I better not mention I was pleased Aston Villa won...

Hobbit pleased you are okay, guess it's to be expected that you feel a bit flat. Least you have Wednesday to look forward to. More Izzietinis!! then? At least you have a bit of a break inbetween mediation sessions, sorry about the snippy emails, they like dictating everything still don't they. Quite like HobbitHorse... x

WWK how are you, hope you're feeling a bit better. How are you getting on workwise? Sorry that he still seems to be disregarding what he is supposed to do, hope it gets resolved without further action.

Off to bed now, take care everyone.

Here goes me trying to sleep too... The sleepover ex club ... Night and good luck and fuck them all !!!!

......so off I trotted to bed last night then remembered there was a problem with the hot water when I had my bath. Airlock, so later realised. I tried it, it was worse, so I phoned him woke him up. Must have been on phone 30 mins trying this that and the other. Eventually it must have woken her cos I heard her voice in the background, she has a really depressing voice. Fits the personality bypass. Very amusing

This morning remembered how to clear an air lock but I noticed water under something. So texted him asking him to phone, too much to explain by text. I knew that would be a problem as he would probably have to go and hide to phone me. Haha.

Stupid cow. I bet she wasn't happy about me crashing into her home. Yeah, well now she got a taste of her own medicine.

Go Izzie!!

Feeling slightly torn emotionally, but will recover. I thought about him sitting in his dressing gown stuffing his face with fruit. I think that helped. He has a nice phone voice. But a nice phone voice don't mean Jack when you're a cheating arsehole.

He's had a fair amount of pleasant contact with me over a short period of time. Let's hope she's well pissed off with him and shows it. I wonder if it will trigger a panic attack? Or leprosy? The ill card is her star modus operadi. Winding me up is now not an option.

Yes, go me!

And resurrected my unblocking pipes trick

morning ladies - apologies havent caught up -

I just have a feeling my period of calm is about to come to an end and major fuckwittery is about to resume - X has informed me his sol is sending formal contract re kids to my SHL - anyone like to hold a sweepstake as to what is behind this latest move! something to do with me wanting to take the kids on holiday perhaps or change a weekend or request that he bring the kids home at 6pm instead of 4pm - likely answer could be any of these or all of the above and not forgetting MR SB! All so predictable and unnecessary. My feeling this is going to build up to kids being involved in what they want to do - hope he's ready for the answer - oh but of course this will be my fault too!

Had a pretty tough weekend as it was with kids - DD having major meltdown - kids fully aware house was valued last week and that X wont swap a weekend to have kids so I am thinking of sending them to my DF.
I am trying to put some of a recent mindfulness session into practice where you use it to deal with the SHIT caused by TWUNTS and their FUCKWITTERY! Ill let you know how I get on

good day everyone - & has anyone else heard our theme tune on the tv - think it was on BBC !

KOKOXX

No, that is corect, I don't have a horse in my props box, not even a stuffed one, nor do i have a replica of Mr Aidan Turner < swoon, heaves bosom>
So a hat or hats it will be.....

Mmmm.. Hobbithorse, nah, don't think so !

Woke up really unsettled this morning, with a headache, had a frankly, ahem sexual, dream about FF, which I haven't ever had before, not pleasant at all.
Put me right off me shreddies, [shocked]

Can I ask if anyone has had any experience with any meds to help them get through this all? I am really struggling this morning and just don't know what to do. I went to the doctor twice before and they told me to " dig deep" Today I have no digging left. My situation is different from others in that there is no OW, I have no children at home and am not being threatened to get out of our flat or have any major money worries. So feel ashamed about feeling bad but I have no one here - 2 friends who are busy with their own lives, a son who is busy with his, no job to go to ( am retired /nearly 60/not worked in the Uk for over 20 years). I feel like the person who could die and be eaten by their cat and no one would know for days. I have really tried but today just feel so bad. It is one of the times when you think that if there was an easy way out you would take it - but maybe you don't really mean it but you think it..I am sure everyone has thought it at some point?

Green beret and Hobbitwife001, I too sense the wave of crap that is going to unload itself from my dhead this week. Weekend way too calm so I reckon there was a cobra meeting with his bf and house mate to discuss next war tactic and how to get unwanted guest ( me) out of his home !!! I just know it's coming !!!
I too have weirdly sexual dreams involving my dhead ( lol) but unfortunately I waken feeling emotions for him.... Maybe because in real life I didn't get the same satisfaction as the dreams ?!!!

Those of you having sexual dreams about the ex. Are you ones who don't feel any mixed emotions about them? In other words it's coming out in dreams instead? Very unpleasant though I'm sure

Sorry to hear you're feeling low today TheOldWiseOne no experience of meds but hopefully others can advise. You're making an effort to make more friends which will help in the long run and very admirable when you probably just want to hide under the duvet. Regardless of whether there's an OW you're still going to grieve my love

I too have dreams of hugging and cuddling him and being back together, nothing sexual so far. It happens regularly and I wake up feeling unsettled. Yes I would say I have mixed emotions I suppose we all do.

Hi oldwise I was on Fluoxitine before he left that worked well dealing with the day to day shit he was giving me whilst living here, when he left I was having more trouble with the anxiety etc which, in turn was making me feel depressed as I didnt feel I could do anything on my own. So was prescribed Citolopram which was very good but after 2 months on it I was covered in bruises(which is a rare side affect-kidney failure) so now am left in freefall waiting for councelling (6 months still waiting) Think you should go back to your GP and explain again until they give you something, hope that helps (bit long) take care x

Hello, wise my love, I'm sorry you're struggling a bit atm, I can recommend beta blockers to help calm your anxiety, but maybe that isn't the right path for you to take. I would have taken anything to feel better. In fact I did try two types of anti-depressants at the beginning, so desperate was I, but they just made me sick, so ended up feeling worse!

I know some of the ladies on the thread do take them, and find them beneficial, everyone is different in their tolerances. Please don't feel bad for not coping as well as you'd hoped, this shit is so hard isn't it? And it seems you don't have a huge support network around you like I have. RL support is very important, as we can only do so much in the virtual world.
Take care of yourself my lovely, x

Here's our lovely mascot today, ha ha she hid under the bed when she saw me with the props! That's until the sausages came out,
She looks like Paddington in that last one!

WiseOne , I have no experience of meds in this situation, although I'm sure there are others on here who have. I used mindfulness and meditation to cope with the anxiety and stress. They did help to alleviate it. Also long walks in the forest - but that was something I had done all my life to cope with stress.

Now I use long forest walks to work off the anger, so I suppose it's evolving.

You certainly don't need to feel ashamed, you've had a terrible shock, the future you were expecting has been ripped away with no warning and you are having to build up a support/friendship network from scratch. At a time when it is probably the last thing you feel like.

I don't have much of a social life either. I do have my family around and there is always one of them there if I wanted to speak to them. But I don't necessarily want to talk to my children about it all. I had coffee with someone I've known for many years, this week. We meet up about once every 4 months. Also went to a short leaving do for another friend. Both these women are people I'd got to know through their professional capacity.

But that's it, my social life. I've started going to workshops and classes in things that interest me and I'm happy to go alone just about anywhere. But right now I'm aware of the aloneness of that. It has an upside, I can please myself.

Perhaps you could look into having some kind of counselling? Might help you deal with this. I've seen a counsellor on and off for a couple of years now and it's made a big difference. I had to try out a couple before I found a good fit but I was determined because I knew how much I needed help to get over the damage twunt had done.

Volunteering? You could choose an area that you're really interested in. I trained with CAB and finished my training last year, just after twunt left. It was a huge boost for me. I've made friends and gained knowledge that's been very useful to me . Also it fills my need to help others, without me actually marrying them.

My other volunteering is environmental related. I love it and that's where I now have a part time job. Made friends, acquired a mentor.

You are at a very early stage in this. Although twunt only left properly 8 weeks ago, he'd been keeping me dangling for two bloody years. So I had time to prepare, mentally.

HTH, very long post though

Izzie, the fecking iPad tried inserting an inappropriate exclamation mark in my last post, thus:

"I have no experience of meds in this situation!"

It obviously wants to make me sound smug. Interesting how a punctuation mark can change the tone of a sentence.

It's even started suggesting exclamation marks now. Must be taking the p.
Rise of the Machines. Beginning with rogue punctuation. Not how we envisage civilisation ending, but a cunning plan nonetheless.

Jess in festival mood.... To make us smile....

Thanks for all your messages. :-) I fell asleep again with the trusty furry hot water bottle on the sofa and actually feel somewhat better now despite waking up with a headache ( hormonal fluctuation I think) A couple of Sopladeine down the hatch and that should be OK... will have a coffee in a minute and may watch Mr Poldark in a minute!

I am waiting on an informal interview for some voluntary work with a specific interest of mine (teacher in a former life) so hope that that comes through SOON. They are in the process of setting up the project for 2015. I am seeing a new friend later today for a trip to the cinema and an one old one tomorrow evening for an early dinner . Tues - Thurs are my busier days in general with exercise classes. I DO try to be active and get out even if it does end sometimes in that feeling that you just want to be HOME.

I am thinking that I have been a bit busy lately with things that have to be done so maybe it is just Monday Morning Blues combined with a dip after all that. You can't be " on" 100% all the time, can you?

Poor Jess - love the festival one. She has such a look on her face " do I have to wear this? " She is a

tabby livingwithsemtex hobbit rozalia

I saw a counsellor once a few weeks ago but I never feel as if they really say much - as I sat there I think " well you are just echoing me here" ....not very inspired by them..

regarding the meds I have an appointment with my OWN doctor in the pipeline for the 1st May ( huge practice and can never see him it seems) so will leave it for now and see how it goes - I had seen that there was an appointment available for today with one of the other doctors today and that combined with the way I was feeling started me off thinking about going to see her..

Sorry for the long post back but thanks again and now feel up to getting off my backside and cleaning the kitchen floor and doing the vacuuming but maybe after Mr Poldark !

WiseOne I saw one of those counsellors too. Felt like I could have been talking in a cave and listening to my echo.
So I found another counsellor. This one was a CBT therapist and much better. She really helped a lot. I'm glad I tried more than one.

I will have a browse online rozalia in the area.

Haha ha, wiseone you are right, she does have that pissed off look on her face, like 'really? You're making me wear this? How humiliating '

But then she gets a sausage, and all is forgiven, she is greedier than a greedy pig in a most greedy competition!

Enjoy Poldark my love, I certainly did.

Short post as feeling crap. Woke up Sunday 3am with vertigo and associated nausea. Spent Sunday on sofa staring straight ahead at TV. Luckily DD1 can drive DD2 to her mock A Level today and is then going to take me to Dr. Definitely not pleasant - knockon effect from sinus problems, knock-on effect from stress I also feel this is going to be a crap week

Wiseone - just remember with meds they take 2-4 weeks to kick in. DDs have been on Dosulpine (dd2), Sertraline and Citalopram (dd1) . they all have side effects and it's a question of finding the one that works. Your situation for you is just as bad as anyone else's. My situ is similar I that there was no OW (well there was but that's a whole other story!) and he does have an OW now (don't give a toss!) It's still shit

Piriton can help with sleep. well done for getting out and about.

Hobbit - good pics of jess

Meds a quick post as at work. No experience. However have you thought of herbal remedies. St. John's wort for depression. Never tried. Kalms for anxiety. Tried years ago not due as I never keep taking ant tablets. But it may back another route to consider.

jess haha lovely! Visions of her running off to hide. I want to know where in a male dominated house you get all these girly props. The flower girl pic I now have as my phone background etc. ds2 has been replaced

Catch up properly later xx