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Original poster

HOBBIT'S BAR - still finding it hard to move on...part 5.

999 replies

WellWhoKnew · 11/04/2015 00:19

If you are struggling to come to terms with the ending of your marriage, no matter how that came about, nor how long it's been, this is the place where you come to say SHIT THIS IS HARD, when you hit those times of despair.

It is the place where it is never rude to interrupt if you're having a bad day and need to vent. No matter what.

It is a place where no one will tell you to 'move on', 'get over it', or 'at least you've got...'

It is the place where the only thing anyone will tell you to do is keep on keeping on.

Amongst the shit, there are always giggles. But the only rule is: It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and interrupt the giggles. No apology necessary.

The bar, owned by Hobbit, but run by committee, is open to all as we wind our way through divorce, come to terms with our individual circumstances, or just cope with adjusting to a new life.

My name is WellWhoKnew. I am divorced. He left me just over 11 months ago. I am trying to rebuild my life by leaving the deadwood behind. I'm learning to laugh again. One day, I will 'move on', 'get over it' and be thankful that I've got what I've got. Until then, if I want to bloody moan about shit, I won't be apologising.

Because I did way too much of that during my marriage. The shit left. I'm learning to giggle again. KOKO.

Part 4

Part 3

part 2

Part 1

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42
1nogoingback3 · 19/04/2015 21:31

izzie well done you. Cuddle though??? Does he usually do that or is it regret seeping in?? Is witch OW or are there 2 witches in your life?

Hobbitwife001 · 19/04/2015 21:32

Well done you, meh accomplished! Not sure about the cuddle though, Confused

Tomorrow, Jess will be wearing..... A straw hat, just for you Izzbob

Shout out to the lovely WWK, you playing hard to get lovey?

Izzie595 · 19/04/2015 21:35

There was the odd moment when in my pissed state I could have said why are you doing all of this, etc. But I didn't. A few nonths ago I would have burst into tears once he'd left. Now I think about my performance. I may be a bit thoughtful later, but I know that it will have passed by tomorrow. I'm glad it was pleasant. It makes it more difficult for him to justify his decision to leave. I want him to regret leaving me. Although I would bypass all of that if he would just dump that bitch and have her out of our lives.

He had a bit of interaction with the kids vpbut not much. DS2 is watching motor racing. DS1 was in bed knackered.

I think though that I have won the Jess challenge, yes hobsy.?

AccordingtoMe · 19/04/2015 21:35

Well I am totally pissed off, arsehole ex, who continuously made snarky comments about my use of Facebook has started becoming a prolific user of it (all of a sudden) many many posts every day, how he is doing up the garden, funny little references to things. What the hell!

I use it daily to keep up with old mates who I no longer live close to and there he fucking is. Goddamn him.

Have hidden him now. Because he is not going to drive me off there.

I changed my profile a couple of days ago to "separated" and checked his (idiot me, I know I know) he had already done it. God knows when but its quite clear to me he was more than happy he drove me to leave and probably engineered it. It was the same with the wedding rings, I removed mine and mithered a lot about putting them back on again the next time I saw him, only to see he had removed his too.

He really did want me gone didn't he. That smarts so much Sad

A couple of weeks ago I asked him for some stuff and he loaded those boxes to the point I needed a fork lift truck to get them into my car. He is a cunt. I hate him.

Sorry for rant again Blush

Izzie595 · 19/04/2015 21:36

Cuddle always he initiates it

The witch is the next door neighbour. The other unmentionable is unmentionable.

Izzie595 · 19/04/2015 21:39

The cuddle thing started the first time he came round after leaving. DS1 had been ill the night before. We were standing outside his vpbedroom and he just gave n
Me a cuddle. Very strange as he wasn't a tactile person. Then he started doing it every time he was leaving if I was nearby. Last time I avoided it because I was cold cold meh

Ah straw hat, tomorrow jess will be a donkey Grin

Izzie595 · 19/04/2015 21:47

Feel free to rant me it gets it out of your system. They are all prize prats. As for FB, it's merely a public relations exercise. Glad you have hidden his profile. It's another way of them seeping into your existence, so try to avoid if possible.

Who knows what's in their minds. They don't think like normal people, so whatever they think it's not worth bothering about. I do know what you mean though. Give it time, the vast majority of them regret it. Their lives will go pear shaped. Hold on in there and then bask in the glory of their downfall. And let us know of course. Not that I'm a vengeful bitch, much.... Understandably for what they put us through.

Going to have a bath shortly. Catch you all later xx

1nogoingback3 · 19/04/2015 21:49

I'm no psychologist izzie but in my opinion for him to come round on a Sunday evening - for nothing in particular really - and want a cuddle when leaving, I'd say he has to have some regrets or he'd just stay with the unmentionable bitch and get his work done surely??

It's been a weekend of rants from me according. Bizarrely I'm cheering up at the prospect of work tomorrow.

Izzie595 · 19/04/2015 21:56

MrsC I saw your post re the white waist length hair extensions. The mind boggles. Does she only cut children's hair or are there some weirdos around who, seeing her hair, think that it's a good idea to ruin theirs??

Yes the bed. Absolutely tainted goods. Even before I gave it to DS2 I used anti bacterial stuff on it.

Izzie595 · 19/04/2015 22:00

1 I had asked him to come round sometime when the work had finished to check the work done by the builders, so he did have a reason. The cuddle thing, I wonder if now he has gone, made the decision, he finds it easier to be nice to me, tactile I mean? It was just a quick cuddle, a hug maybe?

Izzie595 · 19/04/2015 22:04

I wonder if he now sees me as his fallback. Not in that way. But I'm the keeper of his home, his last, the person who has been closest to him. Perhaps he needs that. I really don't know. At the end of the day, I will do what's best for me. I can't deal with friends, not unless I totally emotionally disengage. If we get on well, then I will always regret the marriage ending. I will break with him eventually, I think I will have to. I can't think too much about this now, I don't want to explore it and upset myself

Ali3333 · 19/04/2015 22:04

Livingwithsemtex ... The biggest problem about reporting him to police is that he's one of them !! This was worse to him I think than had I killed his mother ( although that thought has crossed my mind too ) . Atm it's like the calm before the storm .... I know something is coming, just not sure what !
I'm seeing a domestic violence officer tomorrow. They offered help despite the fact it's more emotional abuse ... Well that and the fact he carries a firearm which worries me.
When I use words that and phrases to stand up for myself like 'please desist from texting me now as you are harassing me ' he sends back laughing faces and tells me not to embarrass myself by phoning police and or it must be great in your fantasy world .... I am aware though now that I need to stop responding to any texts unless they are specifically about the kids. It's bloody hard because the amount of times I have typed in I miss you is ridiculous but thankfully I don't actually hit send any more.

Izzie595 · 19/04/2015 22:05

His past, not his last

TheFormidableMrsC · 19/04/2015 22:06

Izzie, I have never seen anything like it. She looks like Bet Lynch, that is being kind. I don't get it, never will. How anybody lets her anywhere near hair, let alone their kids...is beyond me. Mind you, her public reviews say it all really...not good at all. I absolutely do not understand at all what my husband sees in her, I really don't. Odd.

Izzie595 · 19/04/2015 22:08

Ali well done for not actually sending those words. And his replies to the texts are just a way of trupying to stop you by trying to make you feel ridiculous. Mind games.

Ali3333 · 19/04/2015 22:08

Izzie995 I love it when you say most regret it.... Roll on that day because I hope I can laugh in his face for a good 45 minutes before telling him to Fuck off ( by that time I hopefully will be well over him )

Izzie595 · 19/04/2015 22:09

MrsC it's good that we both have a sense of our own self worth. God knows where our self esteem would be otherwise! Our exes have pulled a couple of corkers. They MUST be mentally ill......

Izzie595 · 19/04/2015 22:12

Ali the sad thing is that by that time! we have moved on too. So we will never quite get that raw satisfaction of watching them fall on their arses. We will be too meh. But, you know it's worse to be ignored. So hopefully that won't bypass them as they grope around in a mess of their own making

TabbyTortie · 19/04/2015 22:19

Next time Izzie make sure you wear some strong perfume that'll piss OW off. Mind you he may go back stinking of Izzietini so that'll piss her off even more. My ex wouldn't dare touch me I told him very early on I couldn't stand him touching me now I knew he'd been touching OW, a couple of times he's asked for a hug and I've answered no. It's so hard to detach though when you've been used to years of hugging every day.

iwashappy · 19/04/2015 22:29

Well done tonight Izzie.

Me sorry you're pissed off. I don't think it's a case of he wanted you gone, I think he is bothered and that is why he has done it. He knows you use Facebook and he didn't really use it before. Now he's posting a lot about what he is doing with what was your garden, changing his relationship status knowing you would almost certainly look at it. He's putting stuff on there that he wouldn't have done before about the garden etc all aimed at getting you to feel regret for what you are leaving behind.

If he was pleased that you had left he wouldn't be going on a site that he knows you use when he didn't before giving you reminders about your old life.

The rings the same, he wants you to think he's moving on so that you will have regret and might rethink. x

Hobbitwife001 · 19/04/2015 22:29

Nah, I couldn't let my ex touch me either, it would make my skin crawl, I can barely look at him tbh, he disgusts me.

Hobbitwife001 · 19/04/2015 22:37

He could make the transition easy for us, he could be a man and face up to what he's done to our family, he could easily provide for his asd son, he could treat the mother of his children with respect, he could move away with the ow out of our small village to give me some peace of mind, but he chooses not to do any of these things.

Instead, he is just focused on the money he will get from the house sale, to buy a new house with the ow, and that's all that matters, nothing else, what a complete cunt.

Izzie595 · 19/04/2015 22:48

Tabby I didn't think of that! Mind you, she's so paranoid about me, it's enough that he comes round here.

Hobbit I totally agree with him providing, actually for BOTH sons, although more for DS2. And absolutely about pissing off to live somewhere else. Maybe the financial separation will sort that. Maybe he plans to live then, but for now his hands are tied? I'm probably crediting him with more feelings than I should.

I wonder if the ex I married is thinking that eventually the kids will accept her. Now that thought borders on delusion. That is not even supercalifragikisticexpialidocios optimistic

iwashappy · 19/04/2015 22:48

Braving well done you did really great today.

OldWiseOne hope you went to your Meet Up and you enjoyed it. Hope you recorded Poldark though!

1 I think you are doing brilliantly in a very tough situation.

Living you are doing really well too. Poldark themed day sounds good.

Hobbit I think if you put Jess on a llama you would be a drama llama sorry

MrsC such a shame that he has to put up with OW with no redeeming features whatsoever, either personality or looks wise.

Tabby I didn't want him touching me because he'd been touching OW neither, makes my skin crawl.

Ali wishing you all the best for the next few days.

I redecorated what was our bedroom including new bed and bedding. It makes a big difference as it feels like my room rather than our room.

We still have our dog, he is technically my son's dog so Sid couldn't really make a claim on him even though he used to do most of the walking. He does still take him out, but it's bonus walks now rather than the main walk.

iwashappy · 19/04/2015 22:52

Hobbit yes, providing for his children and showing respect and consideration should be the minimum they do really, doesn't seem to be that way though in a lot of cases.

Sid wants to buy somewhere with OW too, least they won't be next door then I suppose.

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