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Original poster

HOBBIT'S BAR - still finding it hard to move on...part 5.

999 replies

WellWhoKnew · 11/04/2015 00:19

If you are struggling to come to terms with the ending of your marriage, no matter how that came about, nor how long it's been, this is the place where you come to say SHIT THIS IS HARD, when you hit those times of despair.

It is the place where it is never rude to interrupt if you're having a bad day and need to vent. No matter what.

It is a place where no one will tell you to 'move on', 'get over it', or 'at least you've got...'

It is the place where the only thing anyone will tell you to do is keep on keeping on.

Amongst the shit, there are always giggles. But the only rule is: It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and interrupt the giggles. No apology necessary.

The bar, owned by Hobbit, but run by committee, is open to all as we wind our way through divorce, come to terms with our individual circumstances, or just cope with adjusting to a new life.

My name is WellWhoKnew. I am divorced. He left me just over 11 months ago. I am trying to rebuild my life by leaving the deadwood behind. I'm learning to laugh again. One day, I will 'move on', 'get over it' and be thankful that I've got what I've got. Until then, if I want to bloody moan about shit, I won't be apologising.

Because I did way too much of that during my marriage. The shit left. I'm learning to giggle again. KOKO.

Part 4

Part 3

part 2

Part 1

Our theme tune:

OP posts:
Thread gallery
42
Izzie595 · 19/04/2015 19:23

No I won't Hobbit I will be a slightly pissed disengaged person. He can see the work, attemp to talk to his sons then fuck off. I have nothing to say. I've thought of everything he could say to catch me out eg getting married again, wants to negotiate settlement. All to be met by a meh.

1nogoingback3 · 19/04/2015 19:27

Too true Izzie They still have to live with themselves poor things. They can't get away from the lying, manipulative, self centred, egocentric tossers that they are.

Izzie595 · 19/04/2015 19:28

Braving oh yes they do like to have a poke around. I have seen him having a good look, trying to be subtle.

He will probably comment about me not starting work on the shower room. I will just say no I haven't. No explanation. Nothing. No telling him I been out spending and raiding his tool box today. I'm saying nothing. Mouth firmly buttoned. Well, will do my best

PS Hobbit I like Izbob. If I keep schtum and calm when he's round do I get the choice of Jess pic tomorrow?

Izzie595 · 19/04/2015 19:33

Skydiving didn't happen today. Weather apparently. Could have done it 7pm possibly but they decided to reschedule. It's a four hour drive from here

Izzie595 · 19/04/2015 19:36

New bedding. He left on a Friday. The bed had been donated to DS2 by the Tuesday. Bedding either used as dust sheets or, in case of pillows and duvet, binned. I haven't slept in that room since. I'm in a single bed in spare room at moment

BravingSpring · 19/04/2015 19:41

H would like to have the dog, I've said no and DD has confirmed it's not happening, is if she hasn't been through enough without losing her dog, especially considering his OW has dc.

So we're kind of sharing, he's taken him for a few days - think he wants the company and the dog will enjoy the walks.

Don't really understand what's happening in his life to be honest, why does he need the dog for company on his days off, but whatever.

iwashappy · 19/04/2015 19:43

Hope tonight goes okay Izzie, keep up the meh x

Izzie595 · 19/04/2015 19:48

Thanks iwas meh and slightly pissed. Haha.

Rozalia · 19/04/2015 19:51

Wish I'd managed meh yesterday when he came round, instead of rage and fury.

Well done Izzie Wine

Izzie595 · 19/04/2015 19:53

Braving totally agree re dog. The dog is a family thing so stays put. Only different if no children involved. They don't get it do they, they leave so they lose all rights to family stuff. They can't pick and choose. Although of course they will have a good try.

Makes me laugh. The twat coming over to inspect someone else's work.

Oh twat is now on his way. Two hours to cook and eat?? No wonder she's chubby.......

Izzie595 · 19/04/2015 19:58

Thanks roz I was meh champion last time he called round. The good thing is, unless we get more work done, there's no other reason for him to call round after this.

Hoping for another meh success tonight. I can't think of what else he can spring on me to catch me out.

Don't worry about yesterday. You had a lot of provocation, no wonder you reacted. It's more diff ill when you're caught unawares. Overall you are doing brilliantly my love

livingwithsemtex · 19/04/2015 20:34

know what you mean about them coming round when you're not in izzie think mine does it every week so everytime I come home I have a ritual, its shit but hopefully over soon

BravingSpring · 19/04/2015 20:35

It's amazing some of the assumptions he's made about things. They live in their own little world.

Hobbitwife001 · 19/04/2015 20:35

Yes, Izzbob you can choose the theme for Jess's pic tomorrow, if you are sufficiently meh when twuntface comes aroundSmile

BravingSpring · 19/04/2015 20:46

Livingwithsemtex Luckily mine does tell me when he's coming over and I'm not there, usually to pick up the dog.

He doesn't know that the alarm system tells me if it's be deactivated while I've been out, I have checked that once or twice to be sure.

livingwithsemtex · 19/04/2015 20:47

Well hobbit if you can stick Jess on a horse (if you can find one) and have a Poldark themed day, all the girls will love it

TheFormidableMrsC · 19/04/2015 20:52

Izzie, I haven't been back in our bed either, it's been 19 months. I slept on the floor for a year in DS's room and then finally was able to afford to buy a new bed, so I finally have my own room. DD has the marital bedroom and unfortunately the marital bed as it's too bloody big to do anything with. I'll take an axe to it when we finally move. Sorry, jumping in with that, I just saw your post. Oh and I also donated all the bedding to the local vets. I couldn't bear to use any of it.

Hobbitwife001 · 19/04/2015 21:02

Ha ha semtex i think that is a step too far, there's not enough sausages in Wales that would get that result! Actually we do have llamas in the field near us, Poldark on a llama?

Re bed - I totally redecorated the bedroom and changed all the bedding to make it 'mine' , couldn't afford to get a new bed unfortunately, maybe i will when I have to move.

livingwithsemtex · 19/04/2015 21:05

Re the bed - I'm in it he is not (not on his side though)

Ali3333 · 19/04/2015 21:06

I've just been catching up with all today's posts ... I was the same at the beginning when he used to come in. I used to hug him when he left but now at least that has stopped ( probably something to do with me reporting him to police lol )
I'm very envious of all who have DDs who have got closer. My shithead dhead has manipulated my DD so much she doesn't know where she is. Although I think when DS being home from uni might have helped a little but today as I suspected ( with him back to uni ) when she got back from being with dhead it's ' Dad says to tell you .... And so on but when I try to answer its 'don't involve me !' So there's a lot of deep breaths and counting to 10 ! The next few days will be revealing as he'll be getting the big f**k off from my solicitor re his request for me to vacate the home . Tough times ahead but a 4 mile walk today while DD was with him helped clear the head a bit and I've made it through another weekend so that can't be bad ?! I truly love listening to everyone's stories here... In a good way obviously ! It gives me hope that time will help heal but realise I'm not crazy to still miss him and it's normal to mourn the loss. But I'm also wary that my lovely Dad reminds me " It'll get worse before it gets better love " ... For those of you Poldark fans ... Enjoy ! I'm off to watch Suits and the gorgeous Harvey Spector Smile

livingwithsemtex · 19/04/2015 21:06

hobbit dont be so tight with your sausages, joking aside I think you're great

livingwithsemtex · 19/04/2015 21:11

ali just a snippet, but I found once I had called the police on my shitbag 10 years ago things were never the same, should have called it a day then, at the moment whenever he has to deal with me he keeps at least ten foot away from me JUST IN CASE I CALL THE OLD BILL how sad

1nogoingback3 · 19/04/2015 21:21

I'm glad it's not just me becoming preoccupied with bedding. Silly really, got 101 things to figure out and that's what I think about the most.

My m and d are giving me a bed - a six footer that's in storage :-) I can't wait. Smile

Well, this weekend won't go down in history as the best I've ever had. Headed up to bed. HRT watching recording of football. Something else I won't miss. He genuinely seemed surprised that I'd rather go to bed than sit and watch it with him. Twenty two years and it's still not sunk in that I hate football. He genuinely doesn't understand that watching him watching football is something that I will never do again - thank God.

Hope you're keeping detached Issie??

Glad everyone seems to have held on to the family dog too. :)

Izzie595 · 19/04/2015 21:22

Champion!!,!!!

Slightlynpissed iz reporting in. He's just gone. I was very meh when he was checking the work. We got talking about the old witch next door and about my car. I could tell I was under the influence as I was slightly slurring my words. Started repeating myself after a while. And when I moved, I wasnt quite firm on my feet. I clung to the wine glass as a good luck charm. Hoping it shouted MEH MEH MEH. Eventually I relented and asked about the isney car and then asked to have a look inside. Compared boot spaces. He's gone back to do more work. He gave me a cuddle when he left but I was quite meh about it. Didn't freeze but didn't really reciprocate either. Let him let himself out. Normally I would go to the door. A good performance I think. Slightly pissed but meh but a bit of me too. No bitterness, no anything really. I'm not sure how I feel. It's always a bit difficult if things are pleasant. But I do remember where he's heading back to. His loss. As long as he doesn't see any doubts, that's fine.

Jess tomorrow shall be wearing a hat. Any sort.

Will catch up on posts in a minute.

Really pleased with my performance.

Izzie595 · 19/04/2015 21:23

Go me!!!!