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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

HOBBIT'S BAR - still finding it hard to move on...part 5.

999 replies

WellWhoKnew · 11/04/2015 00:19

If you are struggling to come to terms with the ending of your marriage, no matter how that came about, nor how long it's been, this is the place where you come to say SHIT THIS IS HARD, when you hit those times of despair.

It is the place where it is never rude to interrupt if you're having a bad day and need to vent. No matter what.

It is a place where no one will tell you to 'move on', 'get over it', or 'at least you've got...'

It is the place where the only thing anyone will tell you to do is keep on keeping on.

Amongst the shit, there are always giggles. But the only rule is: It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and interrupt the giggles. No apology necessary.

The bar, owned by Hobbit, but run by committee, is open to all as we wind our way through divorce, come to terms with our individual circumstances, or just cope with adjusting to a new life.

My name is WellWhoKnew. I am divorced. He left me just over 11 months ago. I am trying to rebuild my life by leaving the deadwood behind. I'm learning to laugh again. One day, I will 'move on', 'get over it' and be thankful that I've got what I've got. Until then, if I want to bloody moan about shit, I won't be apologising.

Because I did way too much of that during my marriage. The shit left. I'm learning to giggle again. KOKO.

Part 4

Part 3

part 2

Part 1

Our theme tune:

OP posts:
Thread gallery
42
Hobbitwife001 · 18/04/2015 18:33

Hey, Bobsy , are you talking about your dog, or your ex? Tee HEE, actually that applies to both in my situation Grin

To reiterate, I may have had wine, Wine

Ta very much, According , no more flash backs for me now......

Hey, guess what Jess's favourite cereal is; Mice Krispies! Ha ha

Go,you Roz knock 'em dead, babe! Xx

Hobbitwife001 · 18/04/2015 18:36

Oooohh... Vestigial organ, Roz, you is clever you,
I reiterate, I may have had wine... Wine

Sounds a bit rude actually....

Roz you are a tinker!

Rozalia · 18/04/2015 18:41

Wish I could have wine now, Hobbit. Still I get hot chocolate tonight and a great experience and wages!

bobs123 · 18/04/2015 18:51

Hehe....I can now say...yay me . How empowering is that Grin

bobs123 · 18/04/2015 19:00

Ha Hobbit now I think about it...yes it applies to both of them too Grin

Have fun tonight Roz and well done Smile

1nogoingback3 · 18/04/2015 19:37

roz you've been doing so well. Don't let the tosser -word of the day - grind you down. Good luck tonight Smile

hobbit Can I have what you're having Wink You are a real tonic. Made me laugh out loud which is so rare these days that DS noticed. Thanks to Jess too - despite her antics.

RAandJ · 18/04/2015 22:06

Thank you all so much for the welcome and advice. Sorry it's taken me a while to come back on, have been so busy and exhausted trying to sort out the practicalities.

I saw CAB and Job Centre this week among various other things. Got lots of great advice which has helped me feel slightly less panicky at least. Lovely Job Centre advisor sent me to GP to get signed off so at least I have a few weeks before I need to worry about looking for jobs on top of everything else. Having lots of fun speaking to everyone about such personal things, as I burst into tears straight away.

'He' came round this morning to use the laptop to apply for a flat he's found near his work. I tried to be pleasant but distant. Think I pretty much kept it up.

I'm hoping to catch up with you all - feel bad for just venting and not giving anything back but thank you so much for giving me a place to do that safely, and for understanding. It's sad how many of us have been in such similar situations. I hope you're all doing ok x

WellWhoKnew · 19/04/2015 00:21

RA don't feel bad about venting and not giving back - that's the reason for the thread. Occasionally you'll figure something out and can pass it on, but there's no expectation you should so please don't feel bad.

We all hijacked Hobbit's thread, and Hobbit proved her merit by accommodating us - 'cos that's what she's like in real life. A naturally lovely, compassionate, strong, intelligent, sophisticated woman who is having a hard time of it.

Oh and she's married to an utter arse of a man.

Izzie the jigsaw analogy is just brilliant. That's exactly how it is. Our lives have been smashed into a million little pieces, and we can be on our knees trying to put it back together. Some days you find two pieces that fit together, and that's progress. Others, you get ten pieces together. And then there's the days, you just can't find anything to fit together. I shall bear that in mind as I fight to rebuild my life.

Hobbit I'm afraid so. Like everyone, I guess, I figured that once we'd had the final hearing that would be that - but actually, no they just carry on being twunts. So I'm leaving it for a bit because if I have to go back to court then what will happen I run up legal fees, then he'll pay. So if I'm forced down that route, I'll self litigate and, now knowing how the system works, claim costs. I have my emotional intelligence back where he is concerned.

Why do we feel guilty for indulging ourselves? I mean seriously - I do too. I've done the washing up today, that's it! And yet, all day been castigating myself for not doing stuff.

Bobs you are welcome to PM me on issues. I'm no solicitor though, so I can only hazard a guess. I'll try my best all the same.

MrsC I'm hermitting as per usual! We'll catch up soon.

Ali3 he will go epic, as they say, when you don't do what you're told. It's both jawdropping and godawful, but don't underestimate how dreadful he can choose to be. If you want my advice: chose to say 'meh'. When they left, what actually happened was the bully left. This is your time to regrow.

But I get the fact you still feel 'love'. I'm now coming to the view that I have a 'Mr Perfect' in my mind's eye. And that's the man I love. The man I married, I compensated for. But ultimately, he worked out my 'Mr perfect' and pretended to be it. But that's all. I mourn the man I didn't marry - not that I've ever met him, I don't mourn the dirty disgusting human being that I was married to.

nogoing oh, so you're having an affair now? Huh. I'd be tempted to say 'ah, yeah, you got me on that one'.

I used to be accused of having affairs all the time...I regret not having one now - just so he could be right! However, I'm not so inclined to jump into bed with anyone (bar my cats) so I'm having an affair with myself. They can't bear that either.

Tabby yep, with you on that stockholm syndrome. I think one of the reasons we all feel so damned angry is that we bought into 'for better, for worse'. I do feel very exploited now.

Roz anger is absolutely fine. It really is. Your manager has given you a vote of confidence, and despite all this shit, you're managing to impress people with your reliability and trustworthiness. So fuck him, he got you so wrong.

According love the name change.

OP posts:
bobs123 · 19/04/2015 00:26

Well done RAandJ for being so proactve - you're doing brilliantly Smile we all understand the crying thing, especially when anyone's being nice! And no-one expects anything back on here. Simply by you writing on here someone who might be lurking might read it feeling exactly the same and realise they are not alone.

I thought he already had a flat? Good for you remaining cool. As they say KOKO x

Rozalia · 19/04/2015 00:36

Didn't lose anyone in the dark forest, everything went well and everyone enjoyed it. Great Grin

However twunt called when I got home, it didn't go well. I shall work more on that detachment and meh. Sad

So I feel unhappy despite my big evening I'd been so excited about. This shit is hard. I wonder how long it will take me to get over all this, years I'm expecting. I ordered Lundy's Daily Wisdom for women involved with angry and controlling men from Amazon today. I'm hoping that will help, daily exercises to aid my recovery.

My brain is going forward with my life, achieving things and experiencing new stuff.
My heart is sobbing in the gutter.

Oh well, at least I can love, there's those that don't know the meaning of loving someone other than themselves.

Ali3333 · 19/04/2015 00:38

Thanks to you lovely lot... Literally stopping me from going insane, between texts, threats and bullying. Finding it hard today but DS goes back across the water to uni tomorrow and that leaves me with dheads biggest fan, my DD.
I hate myself for missing the shit who made most days of my life lonely and miserable.
Still feeling so cross that despite knowing I physically can't look after a horse, he is demanding I should physically and financially ... Demanding ! That's him! Saturday's can be lonely

Rozalia · 19/04/2015 00:45

Ali I'm feeling all hurt because of the shit who made most days of my life lonely and miserable.

Doesn't make much sense does it?

TheOldWiseOne · 19/04/2015 07:20

Good on you rozalia for not losing anyone ! Smile sounds fascinating btw!

Hope you managed to get a restful night x

TheOldWiseOne · 19/04/2015 07:21

Ali hope you managed to get a restful night as well - today will be a tough day for you. Sending you Flowers

1nogoingback3 · 19/04/2015 08:33

Roz well done you. Smile Shame about the contact when you got home. Did he know you were working yesterday? Sounds to me that he perhaps planned to rain on your parade? Can't cope with the fact you're getting on with your life without him perhaps?

It's a mystery to me too how I could genuinely have loved/love still someone like my OH. I know none of us are perfect but.....How was I so blind?? I can hear mine downstairs - actually tidying the kitchen - not sure what that's all about?? One side of me is wishing he'd f* off out and never come back but the other is saying, perhaps he'll have a change of heart, perhaps helping me out by tidying up 'is a sign', perhaps we could try again. Pathetic. He was so horrible to me yesterday too. I even heard him trying to persuade DS to change to a different sports club this summer - which I think he was doing because he doesn't like and never has liked my involvement with this particular club. People (men!) chat to me there. The truth of the matter is that he never wanted to be involved himself- too busy - so I've been pretty much forced to, as DS enjoys so much. Now he doesn't like it that I've made a few acquaintances there. There's actually nobody there that I'd even call a friend -I normally sit in car and read a book! Stupid tosser. How dare he manipulate our son? How can I love this man?? I'm guessing most on this thread have/had similar feelings of frustration over this??

There is 'no going back' for me ever.

Ali hard when DC head back to uni. When house is fuller it's easier to cope I find. On the other hand, when I look at my 2 setting off - full of enthusiasm for life and the optimism of youth, it makes me think that I did something right at least and all 'this' was worth it.

Happy Sunday all xx

Rozalia · 19/04/2015 08:47

Happy Sunday 1.

Yes I have wondered about the coincidence of that, he did know what I'd been doing which is why he called when he did. I shouldn't have answered the phone, I was still angry with him.

Detach, detach, detach.

A couple of times yesterday he said " so why do you still want to be married to me, when I treated you so badly?"

He looked genuinely shocked when I said I didn't. He brought it up again later, got the same, genuine, response. I'm shocked that he thinks I do. After the marriage ending text message he said lots of times "Is it really over?" To which I always replied "YES". He stopped asking and I'm astonished he thinks I want to stay married to him. Not talking to him much any more I'd forgotten how he twists things.

I'd also forgotten how he bosses me about. He came round yesterday and instantly started his "Why has this happened?", "Why haven't you done that?". He got short shrift, but I thought how lovely my life is without him trying to impose his will, thinking his is the only Right Way.

I meet such lovely people these days and do things I'm really interested in, instead of being forced to tag around on the edges of his life, doing what he wanted to do. Which frankly isn't much. Eating out a lot mostly. He has no friends at all and the children are wary of him. Yet I cried yesterday.

Stockholm Syndrome.

RA I'm not capable of being supportive today, I can just manage rants. We all go through it.

Hobbitwife001 · 19/04/2015 08:50

Happy Sunday everyone, hi 1 my love, you're doing so well, you really are, in fact all the newbies are getting their shit together and fighting back against the evil exes, KA-POW! KA-BLAM!

You ladies are kick-ass, Smile

Do you have any requests for Jess 's pic of the day today,?< not involving mouse corpses of course, I'm not Quentin Tarrantino> Shock

Hobbitwife001 · 19/04/2015 08:56

Rant away all you like Roz, get it all out of your system, release the poison that was his control and influence over you, but realise that it is no more, over, gone for good, finito, and he can go and fuck himself, oops, bit sweary sorry, on a Sunday as well; Grin

Hobbitwife001 · 19/04/2015 09:01

Hey, Izzbob where are ya? Suspiciously quiet on the home decorating front, don't tell me you're actually chilling out for a change?
Wonders will never cease, Smile

Just a shout out to Strong as well, are you ok sweetheart? Let us know how you're doing, xx

Izzie595 · 19/04/2015 09:10

1 I understand your mixed feelings re him. I think I'm further down the road in that respect. I don't think I feel anything for him bar mild contempt. In fact if he died tomorrow, I'm not it would raise much emotion in me at all. But I do have moments where I wonder what I would do if he decided he wanted to try to make a go of the marriage. I admit I would be tempted, but it's a lifestyle thing, nothing more. Actually, it's the second home, to be brutally honest. I've come to the conclusion that I hope I'm not put in that position.

Talking to DS1 yesterday. I was feeling overwhelmed by the scale of stuff still to do. I yet again expressed my frustration etc that the ex hadn't helped at all. DS1 replied that it was always very obvious that he wasn't going to lift a finger, that he knew from the minute he left. I said that I didn't. He said it was obvious because of the way he effectively run away and hid. He has no respect for his father.

I'm feeling a bit thoughtful because he will be round sometime to check the builder's work. Don't know when.

Meantime, back in Izzieland, the next item on the shopping list is a tool box for me. And I will gradually start sifting into it all the things I am likely to use. My brother bought me a dinky one a while back. I will make that the one that stays in the house, and will sort out an area in the garage which is my own DIY area.

I've also asked DS2 to do more around the house. He's tidy, does certain things around the house, but he doesn't think about cleaning, unless it's his own room. He has plenty of time. I haven't liked to ask him before as he took the brunt of the split, in my opinion. But I've quietly seethed for quite a time now, as Im running my arse off trying to keep everything going. So yesterday, DS1, practical as ever, just said ask or tell him. So I did. I can't keep the place all clean and tidy as well as doing the decorating, something has to give. I just want to get on with it so that I can live in a decent house, not a perfect house, just a decent one, it's not much to ask.

Izzie595 · 19/04/2015 09:14

Ah Hobbit I've been caught out! Nah been chilling, did a bit in the garden, but nothing too much. Off to the DIY store later to get paint and have a mooch round, sad cow that I am looking in DIY stores. Then may pick up a cheap DVD player for the kitchen. Got the TV stand thing coming this week. The joys of flat packs awaits me.....

1nogoingback3 · 19/04/2015 09:15

Oh roz rant away. It's what I'm doing atm too. It's weirdly cathartic to write down thoughts on here I find. You sound as if your life is generally heading in the right direction though. Flowers

Even though they have mostly been the 'discarders' on this thread, they are still not happy when they get what they want it seems. In my 'begging days' he kept asking me to stop because it was so upsetting for him knowing that he would never/could never go back. Now he's upset that I've moved on emotionally by detaching myself. He is starting to play the victim- woe is me card. When I'm unsympathetic and remind him that this was his doing/what he wanted, he looks surprised. He had no choice apparently. He doesn't ' want' this at all??? I say to him sometimes that he truly believes everything in our lives is all about him and he says, isn't that the case for everyone, that their life is all about themselves??? He just doesn't understand. I married a selfish tosser. I've got to find a way to forgive myself and move on.

Time to listen to our theme tune me thinks. I ordered the album yesterday to play in the car as a boost on the way to/from work. Smile

Rant over. Sorry ladies. It was a long one .

Izzie595 · 19/04/2015 09:15

Actually, it was you saying you keep the cottage clean that got me thinking and stressing Sad

I thought you were a lazy caahh. And then I felt bad about the dust piling up here.....

Izzie595 · 19/04/2015 09:17

Jess wearing something sparkly

Izzie595 · 19/04/2015 09:23

Article in the Daily Mail today saying that Phil Collins' first wife didn't leave him for the decorator. And that he blamed her for loss of contact with the kids from that marriage.

Well well