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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

HOBBIT'S BAR - still finding it hard to move on...part 5.

999 replies

WellWhoKnew · 11/04/2015 00:19

If you are struggling to come to terms with the ending of your marriage, no matter how that came about, nor how long it's been, this is the place where you come to say SHIT THIS IS HARD, when you hit those times of despair.

It is the place where it is never rude to interrupt if you're having a bad day and need to vent. No matter what.

It is a place where no one will tell you to 'move on', 'get over it', or 'at least you've got...'

It is the place where the only thing anyone will tell you to do is keep on keeping on.

Amongst the shit, there are always giggles. But the only rule is: It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and interrupt the giggles. No apology necessary.

The bar, owned by Hobbit, but run by committee, is open to all as we wind our way through divorce, come to terms with our individual circumstances, or just cope with adjusting to a new life.

My name is WellWhoKnew. I am divorced. He left me just over 11 months ago. I am trying to rebuild my life by leaving the deadwood behind. I'm learning to laugh again. One day, I will 'move on', 'get over it' and be thankful that I've got what I've got. Until then, if I want to bloody moan about shit, I won't be apologising.

Because I did way too much of that during my marriage. The shit left. I'm learning to giggle again. KOKO.

Part 4

Part 3

part 2

Part 1

Our theme tune:

OP posts:
Thread gallery
42
iwashappy · 17/04/2015 20:57

Hello Izzie, thank you for the drink I hope it's not as disgusting as it sounds

No worries at all, don't feel obliged to reply and if you do whenever you get a chance. Trying to bribe me with cake are you? x

Izzie595 · 17/04/2015 21:00

I contacted the ex today so he can check out the work done. In the course of his reply he mentioned the work situation. More crises, more ridiculous deadlines. Oh yes, that used to be my life with him. Pure bloody frustration trying to fight off the attentions of work, the original and enduring OW. Hope the bitch is enjoying my old life, cos I prefer my new one. He works a lot at home, so it sort of seeps into the home more than if he were at the office.

Ah well love, only another ten years or so until he retires......on a reduced pension cos I've snuffled a sizeable portion of it. Enjoy Grin

Izzie595 · 17/04/2015 21:03

Cake yes, well there's no choc pic. No I will reply, there were points I wanted to make, comments etc.

Still haven't replied to Roz either. I'm not in the same league as super organised paperwork all stood to attention bobs, am I??

BravingSpring · 17/04/2015 21:08

Well if he noticed I'd packed up his games console he didn't mention it, but he did clear out of the house pretty much as soon as I got in from work, he managed a bit of small talk. I didn't really engage, which forced him to make conversation.

He'd asked dd if she wanted to do something with him at the weekend, and she had apparently said she didn't know what she'd like to do, which he interpreted as her not being bothered, annoying but I had to get her to phone him later to make an arrangement, there's a limit to how long I'm going to keep facilitating for him, he needs to be making more effort, but I do want them to maintain a relationship. It's really difficult. They don't seem to be able to manage a conversation without me there to prompt.

He bumped into his mother while he was over and upset her, but at least she's seen him now and could see the change in him.

iwashappy · 17/04/2015 21:08

Good news that you are enjoying your new life more. I have started to feel the same in some ways.

How are you feeling now?

Izzie595 · 17/04/2015 21:23

They don't seem to be able to manage a conversation without me there to prompt

Another of the issues they face. Or rather, they brought on. Part of family life is just the comings and goings, the banter. I can't see the ex and DS2 having a chat by themselves for more than a few minutes.

iwas I think you are too. I'm feeling a lot better re infection. I have a lump still on my jaw, not obviously visible, but easily felt. The doc wants to check again in 4 weeks. Stil not quite normal eating, as in have to squash my food a bit, but eating normally. Just very tired. Which is often par for the course, but have more of a reason to feel like this.

Well, I'm going to listen to my body for a change and head up to bed. I will be painting the shower room tomorrow. The first step towards reclaiming the bathroom for myself. Can't wait for that event! Night all, KOKO xx

bobs123 · 17/04/2015 21:26

Ha Izzie just 'coz I'm sad and have nothing better to do with my life (no job to speak of, painting all done - and it's rental anyway) Smile

iwashappy · 17/04/2015 21:33

Pleased you are feeling better Izzie. Yes you should do as you are told and listen to your body. Have a good rest. Don't overdo it with the painting. Sleep well. x

iwashappy · 17/04/2015 21:38

Braving it is very difficult. It is a huge adjustment for everyone, I guess they will find their own way in time.

Hello Bobs how are you?

WellWhoKnew · 17/04/2015 22:47

Hello just checking in...I shall quietly catch up and see if I can be of service.

As for me, I'm still all over the shop emotionally, I have 'meh' moments, moments of acute anxiety (what happens if I never get a proper job/get the book done!), sudden fits of anger, a few tears, and some nice moments too. I'm trying to stay optimistic. MrSW is now very late on the last lump payment so I haven't been able to pay me legal fees/debts. More costs involved in chasing. It gets so annoying. We know some of it is in the UK but most of it isn't, so if he doesn't pay soon, then it'll have to be more court to get a debtor's order against him, meaning pay or prison. It feels never ending sometimes. In the interim, the bills keep mounting up, my bank balances are going down. I've bought lottery tickets...

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WellWhoKnew · 17/04/2015 23:25

Hobbit I am loving the Jess piccies - how on earth you get her to sit still and put that stuff on her will always remain a mystery to me. I hope you're having a fab birthday week. You deserve it. As for him, I'd be non-commital on the holiday, just see it as a bribe myself, and so see if the offer remains when you strap on your steel balls for round two. I have nothing for his 'woe is me' regarding the kids - it pales into comparison to their distress for what HE has done to them.

Fuckit You're awesome yourself. Lots to deal with but slowly, slowly, you wade through the treacle. Keep going. No need to rush til you're ready, then you bamboozle him. My motto.

WiseOne I'm impressed with you getting out there and doing 'meet ups' - how cool are you?! Keep going with it until you find your arena. I'll say it 'til I'm blue in the face (like Hobbit's revolting looking drink!) 'hell' is all relative, but when it's your own, it's just hell. And none of us committed such a crime that we deserve to be there so don't give yourself a hard time because THIS SHIT IS HARD no matter what the differences between you, me, or the next person. So if you find yourself having a tough day - that's perfectly okay. You're not whinging, you're just having a tough day. Nothing to apologise about.

It's fine to wish he drop down dead. I prefer you wish him syphilis, tinnitus and lockjaw and any other ailment that makes him feel anguished. But I'm a hard arse me!

Green/Whyme Nisi over, now for the business end of it all. You're right it's so hard to believe how your life changes in a year. I'm still not at my one year point!

Braving keep packing! I'm starting to sell unneeded stuff - and it's a weight off my mind when bits get cleared no longer eyeballing me as a reminder. It's a chore, and distressing, but when it's done, it's a relief and it's liberating.

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WellWhoKnew · 18/04/2015 00:28

Ali3 well done on seeing a debt advisor and doing your best to get on things. I read elsewhere on MN, that when they leave, if you assume you will get no help, and plan that way, then it helps you adjust quicker (it also pisses controlling bastards off more!!). As hard as it is, have a good brainstorming session on how you can just 'cut him out'. I realise that's not going to be easy to do, but as hard as it might be short term to adjust, it will help you long-term avoid being manipulated, and reduce the need for contact. I realise that I got a lot of shite from MrSW because I just seemingly "got on" with things - he really, really hated it, and it enraged him sometimes. But it also helped me get some self-esteem back so it was rewarding. Am delighted you've contact WA as well. You will come out of this tremendous empowered but right now it doesn't get much worse. Keep going!

Fuckit hello again, I missed your second post. Personally, I'd try to deal with your employment issue first, and mediation second. Both are highly emotive issues, so need the utmost care and attention. And well done you for not sending the text! Saves you letting him into YOUR home to disturb you (even if its by text abuse!). Your home is your sanctuary. He left. Keep him out.

Steve huge welcome. You've arrived in a great place. At six weeks, of course, you are struggling! It's hard this shit, y'know! So far you're managing small things like getting utility bills sorted out. That's enough for now. As for the big things: it's very hard when your own family offer nothing by way of support, or adverse support. (Mutual sympathy here!)

Meh comes when you figure out what's important in life. Being married to shit is just as bad as being related to shit. I refuse to be defined by shit. AND I am learning to not tolerate shit.

We married badly because we knew no different. Do now. One day at a time, and you'll come out of this a very different person than went in. Which means neither will you be in the shit nor tolerate shit. Compassion, however, is a whole other story. I will leave this shit behind with a lot more compassion.

So, if I'm going to give you one or two pieces of advice. No bloody contact and no letting shit people define or manipulate or, worse of all GUILT you. Start working out your own path. KOKO.

Izzie I am, genuinely, proud that you no longer contact him. I feel my work with you is done! And I love the endless support you offer others. You're doing so well. And I'm glad you're back on the mend.

Tabby good to see you again. Agree with you: time is the best healer, but also like you've experienced: you know that their 'flashes' of anger, and behaviour gets easier to predict because you get to recognise the patterns, and once you've figured that out: you can force Meh when it actually happens. Remember the 17 emails in a night? I could never have imagined that I'd find that kind of barrage hysterically funny (and I was a teeny bit quite drunk) but knowing it was coming switched on my Meho-meter, and I was determined to be maxed-out meh about it. Yes it wasn't so funny a few days later...but actually it all amounted to nothing come the final hearing, so overall my determined Meh approach got me through...

So, Meh comes as a consequence of any of the following:

a) because you force it,
b) you actually stop giving a shit about their behaviour
c) you fall in love with meh and
d) intuitively you think: "who gives a fuck about their opinion?" They left. They can just fuck off with the rest of it.

OP posts:
Ali3333 · 18/04/2015 01:51

I am A little proud of myself today because despite his very best efforts to harass and abuse me by text, I just ignored him. After speaking to domestic violence officer I've arranged a meeting with him on Monday to suggest ways of blocking out my dhead. Surprisingly for a guy who was always so, so together ( when controlling me ) he really seems to be getting angry that I'm not being the weak wife any more. I can honestly say that everyone here has helped me fight back and not just take his crap any more.
Thankk you xxx

TheFormidableMrsC · 18/04/2015 02:03

Hey all, just checking in. WWK, you've posted, I was worried, I emailed! I have now had a full 17 hours of no service on my phone and can't chat with anybody. I understand Virgin are "on it"...so WWK hopefully we can talk tomorrow darling.

Haven't caught up with thread, been out tonight, but drove, came home and drank a whole bottle of wine in an hour. That is not good. However, tomorrow's another day isn't it? Will drink water.

TheFormidableMrsC · 18/04/2015 02:09

Oh God, I so need to catch up...will endeavour to do this tomorrow....have been blindsided by pictures of OW looking like a 50 year old witch with white blonde waist length hair extensions. Why is my husband with this creature? So odd...

Izzie595 · 18/04/2015 07:01

Morning all. Just a quick message to any at the start of all of this shit. WWK mentioned about the progress we are all making in getting through all of this. It's so very true. All of us are gradually getting ourselves in a better place. Whether that be emotionally or practically mainly, it doesn't matter. The jigsaw of recovery is being filled in one piece at a time. And the more pieces are in place, the quicker the other pieces seem to follow. Well that's my little thought for now. Have faith. Read the thread, see for yourself. There really is a life post separation. And gradually you will see that it is a better one.

Izzie595 · 18/04/2015 08:25

I'm looking at the lovely weather outside. I cut the grass last night and have an urge to go and do a few bits in the garden. Then I think about painting the shower room. Urgh! Decided I'm not using the paint colour we had originally bought, so have to get a new one. Fuck it, there are no decorating police, I'm going to do as I damn well please today. Yes, Izzie, go me! Garden, here I come......

Hobbitwife001 · 18/04/2015 09:09

Hello you lovely people, Hobbit s back at the bar, ;)

Had a great day in Liverpool,yesterday, the Simpsons exhibition was cool, I felt a bit out of place amongst all the trendy hipsters, but after a Flaming Moe or two I settled down! Then went for food at Brewdog< and beer obvs>
Sons really enjoyed themselves, which was great.

Hello, Steve my love, < sorry that name makes me shudder> not your fault I know, Smile welcome, this shit is so hard aint it?

Hi WWK my darling, so Mr SW is carrying on being a shit head even when court ordered not to be eh? What a complete no 6! It is early so I'll curb my potty mouth for decorums sake, will let leash laterWink
We'll have a meet up soon yeah?

Izzie , step away from the paintbrush, my love, chill out, go for lunch with your family, sunbathe, do anything but that, get off that hamster wheel and recuperate from that nasty infection, you are pushing yourself too hard.

Be a lazy caahhhh, like me! my secret re getting her to stand still and dress up is biscuits of course! She'll do anything for a biscuit, mmmm... Who does that remind me of? Oh yes, me again...

HOBBIT'S BAR - still finding it hard to move on...part 5.
1nogoingback3 · 18/04/2015 09:25

Morning all. Glad you are feeling positive izzie. Sun shining here tooSmile I agree - such good 'therapy' to read back through threads and see everyone's journeys. I've also learnt that it's normal to have rubbish days too and moments of helplessness and crying but that doesn't mean we are back to square one emotionally. The emotional 'recovery' happens more quickly for me now after a dip. Hope you're feeling ok this morning wwk?

My twunt (HRT) has been on good form so far this morning! He lulled me into a false sense of security when he first got home last night, offered to cook and poured wine etc. We actually sat in lounge together to watch some TV but then the little comments started to come. Nothing major but I left him to it.

This morning a full blown row erupted - feel terrible as DS has to have heard but couldn't help myself. The rage descended. Just to let you all know, It's my fault our marriage is ending as I've NEVER been at home when he comes home from work with his dinner waiting etc etc. I put my bloody job before him- I'm a selfish cow. He married the wrong 'type' of woman and I've 'refused' to change.

My side of the story is that I had my dream job when we met in London. I travelled to office in New York regularly and loved life. I fell head over heels in love, gave up dream job had kids, re trained and followed him around country with his job. I've raised 3 children pretty much single handedly as he's never home, I've organised the renovation of our home and in the last few years worked full time and not part time to help fund university costs. I deal with all the household bills, car insurance, oil deliveries etc etc. We live rurally and I'm the family taxi. Yes, he's responsible for the garden but most summers has employed help.

He should never have married me of course. He always only wanted someone to love him. Be at home when he got home. Someone who didn't question him. Wait for it, 'Someone who was happy to devote their entire existence to him'. What he doesn't actually realise is that stupidly I pretty much did.
Sad
He's now walking the dog. I'm going to soak in the bath and refuse to let the bugger grind me down. He was looking for a reaction as I've been working hard to detach and my god he got one. As did neighbours no doubt who are a fair distance away.....

Anyway, happy weekend all. I guess when we are rock bottom the only way is up....

What's the lovely Jess up to today hobbit?

1nogoingback3 · 18/04/2015 09:32

Just seen your post and the lovely Jess hobbit. Made me smile - thank you. I'm on the way back up again.x

1nogoingback3 · 18/04/2015 09:46

ali you are right. It seems to me the more we detach, the more it provokes.

Hobbitwife001 · 18/04/2015 09:52

Oh.. 1 what a selfish cow you are.... Fancy not prostrating yourself at his feet when he comes through the door.... Well, I hope you gave it to him with both barrels my love,

HOBBIT'S BAR - still finding it hard to move on...part 5.
Izzie595 · 18/04/2015 09:56

1 I can remember weekends like that. Just what's needed after a long week at work!

What a twat he is. He may want someone to devote their whole existence to him, but he doesn't actually have any shame in admitting it, FFS. Book him a one way ticket to the Phillipines.

It won't have done you any harm to let rip at him, sometimes you just need to let it all out.

Maybe take yourself out later, do something nice. You're doing very well in the fpgrand scheme of things though xx

I've just had a nice breakfast, yes remembering Hobbit's words about recuperating, and trying not to feel guilty because I'm sitting here chilling. This feeling guilty business, it really annoys me. I will have to fight it more.

Izzie595 · 18/04/2015 10:11

that name makes me shudder

Everywhere I go someone has Fanny Funnyfarm's name. Even someone on here who PMd me has her bloody name!

Hobbitwife001 · 18/04/2015 10:16

Yep! I fight the good fight against feeling guilty about being lazy every day, Izzie my love, and I'm proud to say I am victorius!

Lazy schmazy! We are fighting our way back up from a massive kick in the teeth here ladies, don't ever feel like you have to be superwoman, she doesn't exist, my stbx always had to be doing things a mile a minute all the time, he found it very hard to switch off and relax, made my teeth itch!

No more, ladies, no longer, Smile

I have a nice cottage, I keep it clean, end of, off to the gym now, Bobs you'd be proud of me, xx