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Original poster

HOBBIT'S BAR - still finding it hard to move on...part 5.

999 replies

WellWhoKnew · 11/04/2015 00:19

If you are struggling to come to terms with the ending of your marriage, no matter how that came about, nor how long it's been, this is the place where you come to say SHIT THIS IS HARD, when you hit those times of despair.

It is the place where it is never rude to interrupt if you're having a bad day and need to vent. No matter what.

It is a place where no one will tell you to 'move on', 'get over it', or 'at least you've got...'

It is the place where the only thing anyone will tell you to do is keep on keeping on.

Amongst the shit, there are always giggles. But the only rule is: It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and interrupt the giggles. No apology necessary.

The bar, owned by Hobbit, but run by committee, is open to all as we wind our way through divorce, come to terms with our individual circumstances, or just cope with adjusting to a new life.

My name is WellWhoKnew. I am divorced. He left me just over 11 months ago. I am trying to rebuild my life by leaving the deadwood behind. I'm learning to laugh again. One day, I will 'move on', 'get over it' and be thankful that I've got what I've got. Until then, if I want to bloody moan about shit, I won't be apologising.

Because I did way too much of that during my marriage. The shit left. I'm learning to giggle again. KOKO.

Part 4

Part 3

part 2

Part 1

Our theme tune:

OP posts:
Thread gallery
42
Izzie595 · 15/04/2015 19:29

Hmm, donk know. I haven't actually watched him in James Bond. Do you remember him from "Our Friends in the North"? Who would have thought, seeing that, that he would go on to be James Bond

Izzie595 · 15/04/2015 19:30

I've been to Chester. When away. Small world

Fontella · 15/04/2015 19:49

I don't fancy Daniel Craig at all.

Good actor though. He appeared in one of my favourite movies Defiance playing one of my real life heroes Tuvia Bielski of the Bielski brothers.

For anyone who doesn't know - the Bielski brothers were Jewish Partisans who survived the war hiding out in the woods and saved 1400 people from the gas chambers. I'm into Military history big time, so this film was one I definitely wanted to see.

I thought Craig was excellent as Tuvia ... but he's got zero sex appeal for me.

However Liev Schreiber playing his brother Zus Bielski is a different story. Phwoar!!!

Great film by the way for anyone looking for movies to watch.

Izzie595 · 15/04/2015 19:59

That looks like a good film Font. Will put on my playlist.

iwashappy · 15/04/2015 20:01

Hobbit pleased you have had a good Birthday. I think Font's post about you at 17.26 was spot on x

Not long back from the beach with the children, was really nice. Work was a lot less stressful today and feeling a bit happier.

Another vote for Poldark here. Sorry Izzie but Daniel Craig does nothing for me and nor do hangers Better not suggest to Font that we seem to have similar taste in men...

TabbyTortie · 15/04/2015 20:07

All my DS shouts as well if he gets upset but if you can get just a few words in they may sink in eventually. Don't try to bring the subject up. Wait for her to bring it up. I had to follow my own advice today when my DS got upset with a boundary I was trying to enforce and once a bit of shouting had died down we ended up with an hour long discussion where he explained to me in great detail the philosophy a la ex which in a nutshell amounts to 'your mum is a horrible person and she is to blame for everything and I am a saint'. The amount of time he must have spent trying to brainwash DS is unbelievable the number of carefully thought out conclusions all based on lies about the past. DS appears on the surface to believe it all but I just have a gut feeling that he doesn't believe it deep down. So I listened to everything carefully and managed to get a few words of truth into the conversation which of course he reacted badly to but once again I have a gut feeling that the words sink in.

Izzie595 · 15/04/2015 21:04

iwas I don't think even Daniel Craig would do anything for me in RL. I'm just so not interested in having a relationship with any male beyond friendship. My trust has been totally shattered by someone who was totally trustworthy over many years. My sense of rejection is very deep rooted too. Hard to explain. I think the ex is a fuckwit But I always felt that he was the perfect one in the relationship, and I was the flawed character. But I trusted him implicitly and I can summons up too many instances from the dark years where I felt totally and utterly rejected. I'm not going too deeply into this, as I don't want to. But suffice to say, I'm a long way off from putting myself in the firing line again, if ever. Whatever. Can't be bothered with any of it. Life's too short to be royally fucked over again

Izzie595 · 15/04/2015 21:05

Urgh, I hate talking about the past now. It's like a different world.

TheOldWiseOne · 15/04/2015 21:18

I have to see I agree with you Izzie595 - several friends of mine have said that I deserve much better but to be honest I can't see it i.e. as in someone else - I didn't get married until I was 31 so had an independent life for quite a while before marriage. This marriage and this person was supposed to be different - he prided himself on that and look where I am now. I just want what I am owed and that will do me fine thanks very much ( except for Poldark - I like his legs , his boots and his scar Blush )

TheOldWiseOne · 15/04/2015 21:20

I don't know why I feel so calm tonight - it worries me as I think that a major meltdown is about to occur....my husband appeared without his wedding ring on today. He had continued to wear it and it jumped right out at me today. Sad

Original poster
WellWhoKnew · 15/04/2015 21:43

Penblwydd hapus i Hobbit hefyd.

I've just finished 'work' [yawn] so been a bit distracted today. Am going to catch up now.

OP posts:
whyMe2014 · 15/04/2015 21:56

Apologies girls....Poldark is mine. It's written in the stars.

I had lunch with a friend and we were discussing Poldark riding a horse(as you do). Well...there was a small shop near the restaurant that sells crystals and does readings etc. As a laugh I had a five min reading done and guess what...yep a man on a horse is coming into my life.

However, I will lend him to Hobbit as it's her birthday. xx

Izzie595 · 15/04/2015 22:04

Why I hope it's not a policeman on horseback!

TheOldWiseOne · 15/04/2015 22:19

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha........

Original poster
WellWhoKnew · 15/04/2015 22:19

WiseOne the sleeping disorders is all part of it. The dreams are frighteningly realistic when you get them. I didn't sleep for seven months, I don't think - not more than four hours at a time anyway. It was exhausting but in the end hypnotherapy did the tick. I sleep much better now and barely dream. Some have recommended 'Piriton' as a sleeping aid as it's over the counter.

There's no hurry to sort out the finances unless he's being difficult about them or you're in a hurry to get to a new life, I would say take them slowly.

Roz I doubt his counsellor's have said anything like what he's said to you. Have you done FB? Or seen if you're eligible for I think it's called Pheonix Rising. You're doing really well.

Ali3 - I'm glad you're in contact with WA, they will be able to talk to you about the freedom programme. Your twunt may be used to taking all the decisions, but he left. He left you in charge. Before you know it, you'll be giving Hobbit a run for her money in how to negotiate! The trick is to remind yourself 'no' is a complete sentence and 'meh' is your opinion about what he thinks...

And I don't think Hobbit realised she was a super talent until it was too late - she's unleashed now. She'll be training Obama and Cameron next.

I am NOT getting involved with discussions about Poldack. Because I haven't seen it. And because he has a dangly appendage. I want more cat pictures so sodding off to Iwas' thread.

But glad to see you lot all have a good drunken argument in the bar!

OP posts:
whyMe2014 · 15/04/2015 22:28

Ali...a dci and negotiator - no wonder he's good at manipulation.

The Freedom Programme is 12 week course for woman that have experience domestic abuse. It goes into detail about the different areas of the dominator (bully, head worker, liar etc).
If you google it you can look for a group in your area. Alternatively the one stop shop can refer you (they did in my case).
If you can't get to a group you can purchase the book from Amazon or take the course online.
Personally I've found the group very beneficial and I have made lots of new friends.

oh Roz...your post was so sad. You are so much better off without that excuse for a man.
As for the counsellers...what are they talking about. As previously said ' you couldn't make this shit up'.

Wise....I find mornings difficult as well. For a split second all is well and then you realise that this shit has happened.
If a major meltdown is coming.. just let the emotions come and you will get through it.

Green...glad to know things are going ok for you.

izzie...how about Poldark sorting your coloured hangers?
I do understand how you feel about another man...not sure I will ever be able to do trust again. But 'Poldark on a horse' - Yeh like that's ever going to happen so I believe Iam safe with that one. Despite what the stars say.

whyMe2014 · 15/04/2015 22:29

OMG! izzie...I hadn't thought of that. :)

Izzie595 · 15/04/2015 22:53

Ha, WWK has just wandered off to Twatsville tonight. No cat pics, just bleedin Sid and his stuff

Anyway, how does she know he has a dangly appendage? Poldark, I mean? Tell you who has. Dermot O'Leary. I know cos it was in the papers, so must be true. Actually, I checked it out on x Factor Grin

Izzie595 · 15/04/2015 23:00

Actually if I were a good few years younger, I could settle for Dermot. Ok so he's a church goer, but he's the faithful sort. And he has other talents........

He's quite sweet. Not smouldering. But reliable.

Hobbitwife001 · 15/04/2015 23:10

Hi everyone, had a lovely evening with my lovely sons, had a brilliant day all round, came home to see an email in my inbox from twatface, not going to read it tonight though, as I know I won't sleep if I do.

Now he knows it's my birthday today, we have been together 28 years after all, and he goes and contacts me, no doubt to try and get back at me for having the gall to question his answers to the mediator yesterday.

I think he just wants to upset and unsettle me for gaining the upper hand yesterday, what a complete cunt!

whyMe2014 · 15/04/2015 23:11

Dermot...never really thought of him but I suppose he is cute.

My weird crush would be Ray Winstone. Yep...I know.

Izzie595 · 15/04/2015 23:16

Why Ray's a geezer, ain't 'e?

whyMe2014 · 15/04/2015 23:19

Yep, he's a geezer all right. Bit rough n ready.

Izzie595 · 15/04/2015 23:21

Hobbit glad you've had a lovely day all round. Who knows what's in that inbox. It could just be a happy birthday thing. As you say, that's for tomorrow. Meantime, you go off in your sozzled state dreaming about dangly appendages on horseback. Along with the rest of the thread bar me and WWK

TheOldWiseOne · 15/04/2015 23:22

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/telly_addicts/2317361-Poldark?pg=31

check out the Poldark craziness on here! There's competition....