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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My DH wants to leave for a woman he's met twice!

176 replies

lizzielogs · 08/04/2015 17:04

We've been together 12 yrs married 4, since marriage these been a series of stressful events (my side) (my dad being ill, then dying, not being able to find work, me & DD relocating for DH, serious back injury, in bed 3 months), so my mind has been preoccupied.mhe announced 3 days ago that he'd had enough. After pushing, he admitted that he had met someone through work at a conference & they had a 'strong connection'. He's met her once more, & she lives in guatamala! He wants to go over at the end of the month. I cannot believe this - should I try & keep him? I feel he's throwing all this away for a fling...any advice please... I'm tearing my hair out here.

OP posts:

sakura · 10/04/2015 09:05

Doesn't want to burn his bridges

Original poster

lizzielogs · 11/04/2015 12:55

Up-date. DH came round today - he now says he loves her! My feeling have gone from wanting to turn things around to thinking how poetic he is. No more 'pick me dancing' going on here. Solicitor will be looked for on Monday...

OP posts:

tribpot · 11/04/2015 13:03

This is still after just two unspecified meetings, i.e. we have no idea if actually they were just in two sessions together at the conference and she has no idea he's fixated on her?

Well, good luck to him - the phrase "don't let the door hit you on the arse on the way out" seems appropriate. What a complete idiot.

laurierf · 11/04/2015 13:05

autocorrect on 'pathetic' I assume!

Good for you lizzie - you and dd deserve way better than this crap.

Timetoask · 11/04/2015 13:10

He is going to regret this ridiculous infatuation, no doubt.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 11/04/2015 13:11

Oh man this guy is so fucking clichéd. He is just waiting for you to do the pick me dance to stroke his ego.

Don't trade your dignity for this loser. Tell him to take a running jump of a very high cliff.

cozietoesie · 11/04/2015 13:16

....he now says he loves her! .......

Well of course he says that. He's starting to realize that he's made a serious decision so needs it to be a 'grand passion' to justify it to himself. Good luck with the solicitor and well done for not getting involved in the Pick Me dance.

AnyFucker · 11/04/2015 13:33

Good for you, op

take hold of your go dignity in both hands and hold on to it tightly

this bloke is a fucking joke....you don't need that in your life

Vivacia · 11/04/2015 13:39

AF has said it all for me.

Justusemyname · 11/04/2015 14:45

Good luck on Monday. You are currently married to a twat, don't stay that way for longer than necessary.

Coyoacan · 11/04/2015 14:47

His visa would take at least 2 months to processs and he will need a yellow fever jab as well which you have to have weeks before you travel.

Don't mean to change the subject, but I don't think you need either a visa or a yellow fever jab for Guatemala.

So sorry you are going through this OP.

NorahDentressangle · 11/04/2015 14:53

What age is your dd?

If she's a stunning, highly skilled IT specialist I can't help but wonder why she wants someone with responsibilities, why not find someone single?

tribpot · 11/04/2015 14:54

Yes - don't think this is correct for Guatemala - government advice here. No visa, yellow fever only required if arriving from somewhere on the risk list.

Definitely protect the finances to stop him absconding with all the cash. That's priority one.

Original poster

lizzielogs · 11/04/2015 16:55

Norah, did you mean ?OW? My DH is 50 I don't know her age , but she's been married before. he still maintains they are 'just friends' (despite loving her...)so he knew her before he left me (last week) , since then it's developed into love - in a week...pathetic huh!?

OP posts:

Vivacia · 11/04/2015 17:03

Ok, I normally would not advise this, but in this case I'd be tempted to contact her and send her a fairly short, very factual message.

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 11/04/2015 17:13

Good for you Lizzie! Start taking control back.

NorahDentressangle · 11/04/2015 18:11

I was wondering what age any children are. I mean if they are adult they can visit DH wherever he ends up, if they are young then how will contact arrangements work, might he go abroad and not pay maintenance. How will he get on with the OW's DCs, has he met them, does she have any?

If DCs are around every weekend then it might put a damper on their new love nest.

GreatAuntDinah · 11/04/2015 18:29

If she's a stunning, highly skilled IT specialist I can't help but wonder why she wants someone with responsibilities, why not find someone single?

We don't know she wants him yet. This might all be news to her, that some nutty Englishman has decided to throw it all away for her.

cozietoesie · 11/04/2015 18:35

Unless he has a unique and highly marketable skill, he's likely going to come crashing on his face with regard to finances once this all plays out.

Get your affairs in order and under your control before you do anything else.

championnibbler · 11/04/2015 22:26

leave him go and start proceedings for a divorce.
he'll know he's alive when he touches down in Guatemala.
he's in for a shock.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 12/04/2015 04:20

Sorry youre in such a vile situation!
He sounds a prize idiot.

Please ensure youve tied up all your monies to protect yourself and your DCs.
Who knows what he may do to 'impress' OW financially.

I really do wonder as others have said up thread that this woman flirted with him a bit, and now this creepy englishman has gone and dumped his family for her..
Which was not her agenda at all.

Now, she may be doing everything possible to distance herself from this bloke who she just was flirting with/? having ONS with.
Wonder if this is a possibility?
Hes now beginning to realise this on some level, hence his magnanimous offer.

I am wondering what do you have to lose by contacting OW and checking out his story? Whether this is a two sided thing or whether hes infatuated?

VenusRising · 12/04/2015 04:41

Op I'm sorry you have been betrayed, and sorry too your x is hedging his bets, playing willIwontI with both of you actually.

He's probably playing for time until he has put together some money, and transferred his salary into a new account and his pension too.

Make sure youlock down the money before he rips it all out from under you and your children.

I'm sorry too your dad has passed away, but the world works in strange ways, and this new insight of your x could be your dads gift to you.

Egghead68 · 12/04/2015 07:01

Is your DD his?

Don't contact the OW. Don't have anything more to do with the twunt. Keep your dignity.

Hexbramble · 12/04/2015 08:43

OP - what are your plans?
Let's be clear on this : you are not accountable for telling us at all - we are here to support you but I understand that this is all very overwhelming.

I ask because I want you to focus.
You must start thinking practically, even though your heart is in tatters.
You don't know if this man is about to sell the floor from under you to pursue this craziness.

So - what are you going to do?

GERTI · 12/04/2015 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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