unspeakably awful date

[dontcallnotdating]

I don't know why I didn't take my username's advice. Last night I went on a date with L. He was attractive and fun. We had a few drinks. I probably was a little tipsy, as was he. We kissed and held hands.
When he went to the bar, I nipped to the loo. When I'm tipsy I'm quite chatty. I made conversation with a tall guy asking him how tall he was. I wasn't flirting - I told him I was on a date and he'd met his girlfriend on the same site. When my date came back, the guy came over and introduced himself and showed us both pictures of his girlfriend.
When the bloke walked away, my date basically said I was a disgrace to talk to other men on a date and that it was the final nail in the coffin for him. My other faults were refusing to say how my last relationship ended, and not agreeing when he declared it was the best online date he'd ever had.
I ended up walking outside and sobbing in the street, while he just sat there, drinking his beer. The bloke from earlier saw me and was so disgusted by the guys behaviour, he paid for my taxi home, saying he wanted me to know there were good men in the world.
I got myself in such a state I even phoned the Samaritans last night overreaction, but the guy's behaviour made me feel absolutely worthless.

Yes pinkfrocks, she ought to do that, but when you are depressed or emotionally fragile, or whatever is going on with the OP, it's not that easy, and often the symptom becomes the cause. Your message insinuated that she is acting footloose and fancy-free and not focussing enough on her children, which is not helpful, and may compound her feelings of self-doubt.

I am doing. I've a date next week with a guy I met before and got on with. It's lunch and I'm driving. My friend just pointed out that I've crashed because I stopped taking my wonder drugs. I was doing brilliantly last week, so thought I was 'better' but obvs the ads were just doing their job.
I do a lot of naval gazing. Always have. Always will. It's not an illness, it's who I am. It's why I'm very good at analysing texts and deconstructing them. It's not a flaw.

Think we all psychological fragile to a degree,
Last year I was out ,nipped to the loo came out and there was all these girls doing hair n make up and I felt fat and frumpy, was so glad when my date said he didn't feel well and could we go home.

I still have issues with that , don't mean I shouldn't date.

Sometimes , dating might give ppl to focus on another aspect.
We all get low , and those who don't probably lying to them selves.

As for drinking , I knew a girl who drank wine every night and I'm talking two bottles a night but she was I guess functioning perfectly well said it was more bab but than need.

Jesy, you're like the bad alcoholic friend who hates to see their mate get better.

How is your post helpful?

OP opening admits that she is not herself, feels depressed, and gets herself into dangerous situations when she drinks.

So HOW is it helpful to tell her that your mate can sink two bottles of wine a night, and she's OK?

I didn't mean it that way.
I'm not justify drinking to much but . Don't said she don't drink like that.
Just forget what I said was trying to help.

OP (and others) If you had a physical injury, say a pulled tendon or a broken leg, and your GP sent you for physio to help it get better then it would be fair to say you were physically fragile. You wouldn't be able to do whatever you could normally. If the GP and the physio said hang on a minute, you can't or shouldn't carry on running until this injury is healed, take some time out or you will make things worse, would that be good advice? Because if you carried on you could hurt yourself further.

How is that any different to a mental health or psychological 'injury'?
For physio, substitute CBT and counselling.

It's not an insult to describe someone as fragile- especially when they give enough evidence to support that. And not everyone is psychologically fragile, jesy. I can't see how you feeling fat and frumpy compared to other women means you ought not to date. It's not the same thing at all- and neither is saying that a high-functioning alcoholic ( that's someone who is an alcoholic or dependent on booze, but can hold down a job) is some kind of role model?

Isshoes Don't put words into my mouth and twist things I write please.
I didn't say she was acting 'footloose and fancy free'.
I said for someone with a job and 3 kids she was spending a huge amount of time on this dating stuff and writing about it, and giving it more priority than maybe it ought to have in her life at present.

I am fully aware of what a functioning alcoholic is.
Thank you.

jesy of you didn't mean it like that, how on earth did you mean it? How exactly were you trying to help?

Obvious question - why have you stopped talking your meds if you were doing so well on them?

Jean, because I felt better I thought, ooh I don't need these anymore.

It does run deeper than feeling fat or frumpy etc, though I see what jesy is saying. I know I am attractive and I don't feel lesser in that way. It's more than I fundamentally don't feel good enough. I'm just so tired of it.

Op, your perspective of that date is different from what mine would be. It wasn't 'unspeakably awful.' The bloke was a bit of a knob in response to what he perceived as your flirting.

What was awful was your over reaction (sobbing in the street,) being led away by some guy you didn't even know, having to be put in a taxi and calling the Samaritans. That was your behaviour.

Most people would have sucked it up and laughed it off.

I don't think that date, as in the time you spent with the bloke, is worthy of a chapter in your book. You have way over dramatised it.

Sorry, I just saw your last post and you are obviously feeling low. Take care of yourself.

I'm not on here for a fight, I apologise if I have offended any one.

I think I've always been psychologically fragile in that case. I'm far better than I was. I had a horrible eating disorder on and off for ten years. For a long time I didn't even seek treatment. I still managed a 12 year relationship and dc

I think, in my mind, I've always felt like this. I always will feel like this and so I may as well just accept that I'll never be able to be with anyone ever again.
I did take a few months off dating, worked really really hard. And I feel like I've made absolutely no progress whatsoever

That date is tapping into my negative core belief 'I'm not good enough for a relationship.' The other week in CBT we worked out that if my house is messy I think that means I'm not good enough for a relationship.
The counselling I pay privately for. The CBT I'm looking at 12 sessions (I think I'm a tough case!)

In your shoes I would:

• get back on the ADs today
• carry on with counselling and talk about all your issues
• forget about dating and work on getting to a point where you are happily single with a full life you can enjoy without a partner

Calling the Samaritans is never an over reaction. I'm not going to say on here what I said when I called them, but I doubt they thought it was either.

But you've admitted that you haven't shared everything with your counsellors and have already taken yourself off your ADs without telling your doctor first (no judging from me btw, I did the same thing myself once...).

I think you have to go into this with the 'watched pot never boils' mentality. Stop waiting and clock-watching, wanting it to be better. Take each day as it comes and try to stay in the moment. This book is good for that, in case you're interested. There is so much you can do to change how you feel. And don't forget that if as you say, alcohol causes you to have "catastrophic" feelings of depression, then that is what you are feeling right now. Wait until that cloud has lifted, and things will feel better. Start taking positive action, and they'll get better again.

Just sat in Tesco cafe waiting for the pharmacy to do my prescription. I remember my counsellor saying 'when you start to feel better, keep taking them. If you stop, you'll crash.'

Did I bloody listen?

It's funny how words here become twisted- problem with forums.

I don't think how you can say calling Sam's is never an over reaction. Are you talking about yourself or generally? I have a friend who is a Samaritan and I can tell you that people call them when it is not needed just like some people call 999 because they have a headache.

What I meant was not that you ought not to have called the samaritans, but that you reacted so intensely to the dating stuff that you felt you needed to call them. It wasn't the call itself- it was what went on before that with your behaviour and your emotions afterwards.

There are loads of self-help books that can help you just as much as CBT.

www.amazon.co.uk/Positively-Single-Vera-Peiffer/dp/0007133057/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

What exercises are you supposed to be doing in between your sessions? Are you doing those? These should be around your self-esteem and positive thinking. The therapist can't do this for you- CBT is not a magic want- it facilitates change if you put the work in.

Maybe you could work on these instead of dating- be a better investment of your energy and time.

Do any of us? Well done to you for taking that step. X

For me it wasn't an overreaction. Definitely not. In terms of my feelings. I felt so worthless that I didn't really want to be here.