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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

God knows what I've done wrong now!

563 replies

mumto3beautys · 27/03/2015 19:20

hi to all
I've got a thread on here about my toxic mother but I'm not sure my dp is much better, can I think aloud and people give me their opinion
take today for example he's staying over as we are going to visit family in the morning for the weekend
he's been off work all week but I've not seen him since Saturday as he's been "busy"
he was meant to come last night but cancelled as his ex threatened if he didn't have his son while she went drinking he wouldn't be seeing him again
so hes coming tonight ive spoken to him a few times today and he's just so angry all the time bites my head off for the smallest thing
the only thing I have done today is say oh probably in a bit of a dissapointed voice when he said he had to go and see his mum at 8 so no idea when he will get here...infact his words were ill be there when I'm there stop putting pressure on me ( I havent seen him all week! )
he's bringing a takeaway so I guess he will call when he's there to ask what I want but he has literally bit my head off in every single conversation today!
I said are you going to be in a better mood or be nice when you get here, I didn't mean it to be patronising I just wanted a heads up and his reply was yeah if u do this this and this and don't do this or this
surely there shouldn't be so many rules for someone to just be kind???
I have no idea why he's so angry/nasty atm

OP posts:

ChoochiWhoo · 01/04/2015 22:00

Could you just delete his no. And just ignore him forever?

Original poster

mumto3beautys · 01/04/2015 22:15

in essence of course but I'm weak, drained and very lonely. its bank hol weekend this weekend everyone at work today couldn't wait.... I'm dreading it! most people are making plans with friends, going round thier familys for an easter sunday lunch, looking forward to an extra couple of days with thier partner etc and I cant do any of this :(
its just an extra 2 days of being sat on my own wondering why I'm so worthless
sorry If I sound wallowing feeling down tonight

OP posts:

springydaffs · 01/04/2015 22:34

Most people? Well I for one am not 'most people' on that score and I'm far from the only one. That is, not in a relationship, not specifically looking forward to bank hol, not excited to spend time with anybody in particular.

It must be hard when you have all that stuff in your face - but don't believe for a minute it represents everybody, bcs it really doesn't. It might be an idea to broaden your friendship group to include people who are not in a relationship. Are you absolutely sure everyone at work was looking forward to the bank hol? Because not everyone who is in a relationship is happy in that relationship. Just saying.

Coyoacan · 01/04/2015 22:36

You are absolutely not worthless, mum. You have just taken a very important and brave step, you are an example to us all. Try not to sit inside brooding. Get out and about and tire yourself out.

mysparkleismissing · 01/04/2015 22:56

How old is your child can you plan to do some nice stuff with them.ober the weekend? even if it's just indoors or a walk to the park it's so much nicer without work and routine to stress about.
keep ur chin up xx

Original poster

mumto3beautys · 01/04/2015 23:02

sorry for sounding so sorry for myself im a bit down tonight its my mates annual bday bash friday I havent been "out" for a year since the last one and would love to go esp as my mate was going on and on about it tonight. but I know I cant as my crazy mum is the only person that could possibly have kids and I cant ask her.
I want to feel alive again to feel human not a waste of a life I dont even feel like I'm living just surviving hoping tomorrow will be better/less stressful ill feel less lonely but I don't
I just spoke to him, sorry to go on and I know I dont have to convince people in here what a twat he is but it helps to write it down and get it out of my head.
we were on the phone 20 min and 1st thing he said was I'm not talking to u for long tonight I'm tired
then told me I was paranoid....I asked why he thinks that and he said u just are
I'm selfish I asked why and he said ive done loads of selfish things but couldnt name one
and that I'm annoying again just coz I am
oh and then I'm only joking with u ffs cant u even take a joke I love u btw!
I told him he rewrites history to suit himself and to cover up his nastiness and theres a technical term for that maybe he should google it while hes up till 2am on whatssap
I'm so angry tonight theres loads I need to get off my chest but prob not enough pages on MN for all that crap plus dont wanna bore everyone senseless!

OP posts:

Jackw · 01/04/2015 23:03

You should read more of the threads on here. All those people having to spend Easter/Christmas/holidays with their families or partners and would rather just spend it with their children.

Original poster

mumto3beautys · 01/04/2015 23:06

I do read alot of threads here sorry just lonely and trying to make sense of alot of crap in my head that I dont talk to anyone about apart from on here

OP posts:

Jackw · 01/04/2015 23:13

Lovey, I understand. Don't you feel you could just finish with him now? You don't even have to tell him if you don't want to. Just don't contact him and don't answer if he contacts you. It seems like every contact you have with him just upsets you more so why not stop? If you can't commit to the long term now, how about saying to yourself I won't have any contact with him for the whole of the Easter weekend? Then see how you feel next Tuesday.

cafesociety · 01/04/2015 23:17

Not everyone is looking forward to Easter weekend. I have no plans, no partner, no kids at home, and not going to family for lunch. I shall just potter in the garden, read, go for a walk and maybe see a friend for a chat at some point, and generally enjoy the days in my own company with my own interests.

The roads get clogged, the weather may not be great, and I know 3 couples who are on the verge of breaking up in the days to come/having big problems. So all is not wonderful for many people.

Make plans with your children, cuddle up and watch a film, go for walks, blow up balloons, feed the ducks, make some cakes, make some models.....your life is with them, you are not some whipping boy or punch bag for some sulking manipulative bad tempered bully. Live your own life on your own terms.

Original poster

mumto3beautys · 01/04/2015 23:33

I don't feel strong enough to finish it and I dont know why???? I know its stupid and if anyone on here could give me the answer of why I dont feel up to it or how to get to that point id love it
I want to rant and rave at him I want to go mad and say do you realise the hell u put me through on a daily basis but it won't make any difference he wont even entertain my "moaning"
I feel so angry inside....at him for being so cruel and more at me for being such a waste of space and being so weak

OP posts:

ChuxChooks · 01/04/2015 23:48

It's hard, mum, that's why. Ending something is hard. It's bloody difficult, and you are a bit worn out because you have been putting all the work into the relationship, and getting very little out of it. He's taught you to be satisfied with crumbs, but you need a decent slice of bread. No wonder you're worn out, you're running on empty because he's a taker and he's taking everything.

Do you have a hobby? Is there something which interests you which you could do part time study on? Nothing helps me pass the time better than stidying, it's a great distraction and really fulfilling. The OU do some great courses, quite a lot of free 'taster' type ones too.

Original poster

mumto3beautys · 01/04/2015 23:56

I dont really have a hobby...sad I know but I dont get time with the kids
so hows this for an idea? as a start to see if I can do it, if I can maybe it will make me feel stronger, more enpowered and that it wasn't as hard as I thought.....
hes meant to be phoning to say night ( often keeps me up till 1am etc waiting for this even tho I can see hes online! )
I will go to bed, won't sleep though I doubt but ignore the call IF he rings
tomorrow night I'm meant to be cooking him dinner and we always speak before work, I won't call before work or call/msg all day and will ignore any msgs he sends ( it will eventually get to a point tomorrow he caves n wonders why I havent been in touch )
if I can do this all day tomorrow and ignore the shitty trying to make me panic msgs ill get like "as u seem to be in mood I wont bother coming later" maybe by tomorrow evening ill feel proud of myself/a tiny bit stronger
baby steps I know but its all I'm up to atm and hoping each baby step will make the next one easier????
what do u ladies think?

OP posts:

TendonQueen · 02/04/2015 00:00

Yes, do it. Take a step that puts you more in control. It's not reasonable of him to expect you to wait up for hours to talk to him or any of the rest of it.

TendonQueen · 02/04/2015 00:04

What stuff do you like, and can you make a thing of doing that over the weekend? So, if you like Friends or Gogglebox or whatever, sit down and watch a few each night or look up clips on YouTube. Or get albums you like out and play ones you haven't heard for ages. Make a weekend that is you having 'me time' doing something specific, however small, rather than waiting for him to pay you attention.

springydaffs · 02/04/2015 00:09

Turn the phone off? You have your nearest and dearest under your roof, who else do you need to hear from in the middle of the night?

Have you googled the Freedom Programme yet?

Jackw · 02/04/2015 00:19

I like your plan. Agree with springdaffs about turning the phone off - you are more likely to sleep if you are not waiting for it to ring.

MrsGPie01252 · 02/04/2015 00:29

Hope you are staying strong and making him sweat for a change. Will be empowering for the shoe to be on the other foot! Don't cave. If you start to... Distract yourself somehow.

Original poster

mumto3beautys · 02/04/2015 00:31

I haven't caved....he did call
I apologise in advance for how many posts I put on here tomorrow while trying to stop myself from ringing or msging him back

OP posts:

Original poster

mumto3beautys · 02/04/2015 00:36

This Is all so soul destroying :( Im trying not to cry as if I started I'm not sure id be able to stop

OP posts:

star8369 · 02/04/2015 00:39

I know how you feel mum currently debating whether to end things with my boyfriend myself

Original poster

mumto3beautys · 02/04/2015 00:39

Anyone know what kik is btw? he has the app on his phone not something ive ever used or heard of....its prob a flirty chat site or something

OP posts:

star8369 · 02/04/2015 00:40

kik is a social media site

Original poster

mumto3beautys · 02/04/2015 00:40

oh star hope ur ok?
pm me if u ever feel like a chat I know how hard it is obv to know u should leave but cant find the strength to

OP posts:

Original poster

mumto3beautys · 02/04/2015 00:42

well thats weird he HATES social media with a passion he says and tells me constantly how stupid/sad i am for being on facebook

OP posts:

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