God knows what I've done wrong now!

[mumto3beautys]

hi to all
I've got a thread on here about my toxic mother but I'm not sure my dp is much better, can I think aloud and people give me their opinion
take today for example he's staying over as we are going to visit family in the morning for the weekend
he's been off work all week but I've not seen him since Saturday as he's been "busy"
he was meant to come last night but cancelled as his ex threatened if he didn't have his son while she went drinking he wouldn't be seeing him again
so hes coming tonight ive spoken to him a few times today and he's just so angry all the time bites my head off for the smallest thing
the only thing I have done today is say oh probably in a bit of a dissapointed voice when he said he had to go and see his mum at 8 so no idea when he will get here...infact his words were ill be there when I'm there stop putting pressure on me ( I havent seen him all week! )
he's bringing a takeaway so I guess he will call when he's there to ask what I want but he has literally bit my head off in every single conversation today!
I said are you going to be in a better mood or be nice when you get here, I didn't mean it to be patronising I just wanted a heads up and his reply was yeah if u do this this and this and don't do this or this
surely there shouldn't be so many rules for someone to just be kind???
I have no idea why he's so angry/nasty atm

thats not gonna work at all I can guarantee that! his moping just pisses me off rather than makes me feel maternal as hes got nothing to mope about apart from maybe a guilty conscience
I told him to stop wallowing in self pity all the time coz life could be worse he could have to put up with him!
ill get a msg later saying hes not coming or he just wont turn up which is a shame as I'm in the mood tonight to give him a piece of my mind
#feelingbrave!

this is good im starting to dislike him more n more

Glad it won't work then. There will likely be some sort of variant though - probably some sort of delay thingy. Just be alert to it is all.

(And have a nice evening with the DCs if he doesn't turn up.)

dc are going to bed soon they are all exhausted after a late night last night and an action packed day today. ..
I will settle down with a glass of wine relax chat on here and decide what to say when/if that egotistical prick decides to make an appearance
think he's only coming as he thinks I've sorted his dinner.....he may be disappointed to find sorting his dinner consisted of laying all the takeaway menus out for him to choose from ( he's paying for his own obviously )

That sounds good, mum. Be aware that he may suddenly develop an illness or condition. If he threatens suicide (they often do at this point) just ask if he'd like an ambulance.

lol that made me chuckle....bit mean I know but....
during the fateful 1am slating about what a fat cow I am he started saying he thinks he has cancer of the oesophagus! He has had tonsillitis symptoms for a while is really the case but hasnt been the docs
he was actually serious too like he was confessing his sins about what a "bad man" he is before he died
what a prick!
The only ailment he's afflicted with is an enlarged ego and false sense of own importance

that's the ticket, mum!

omfg!! its gonna kick off tonight big style every convo I have with him gets worse n worse but I'm actually just taking the piss back being sarcastic n finsing it quite amusing that he thinks I dont see thru his bullshit and am desperately waiting for him to come over n pamper him.....pahahaha x

Best to stay cool and tight in yourself, I think. It can be quite heady realizing the score but it's not always a good idea to be full of emotion like you sound - it can be turned too easily.

what do u mean turned? ok someone gimme some pointers of how to act/what to say when he gets here then....
I dont actually feel emotional tonight I'm not sure why I'm actually finding it quite funny!

Just that high emotion can go either way quite easily in my experience and you may be too unused to laughing at him to handle it well when you're actually faced with him in front of you.

I can't give you any pointers I'm afraid because I'm not you - and I'd actually have told him to sling his hook and not to come round. Maybe another poster is in a position to.

Good point ill try to stand firm n still see his nastiness as pathetic and funny when he gets here rather than getting emotional about it

What time did he say he'd be with you? It's now past 9 at night and unless you'd already agreed that he could come round late or he's phoned and explained a delay/apologized profusely then I'd be considering it too late to call. (You're a single Mum with 3 kids who'll likely be up and doing early on and you've got quite enough on your plate without sitting around at midnight waiting for him to arrive and then order his takeaway.)

I think I'd shortly be locking the door, turning off the phone and going to bed with a good movie. (If you've got something you can play one on.)

he didnt say....hes on call so whenever the jobs stop coming in I guess
he phoned about an hr ago cursing that he had one more to do and look at the time blah blah

Iagree with locking the door and turning the phone off. Can't believe he's pulling the same shite again!! (What am I saying, of course he is because he is that crap)

Ah! Cross posted!

I second what cozie says above. Make this your baby step for tonight. At 10pm text him saying you're shattered and having an early night so to leave coming round till another night. Then lock the door, turn your phone off and go to bed with a book/film/magazine/music. Don't sit and wait for what you know will be more crap from him tonight. Take that step.

Sounds like a good plan. And 10 pm is only another 10 minutes.

Completely agree with that, take control of your evening back and decide not to let him dictate what happens

hey mum how are you doing I don't know if you have had time to check your inbox but I have pmed you

Did he turn up?

I wonder if his Ex is so controlling because its the only thing shes found that works with him? I can imagine he may have done the exact same thing with her that he does with you "oh ill be there at 8, 9, 10, running late....." and shes just ended up saying "be here at 9.15 or dont come, we wont wait for you".

I was wondering that, stormtreader.

yeah he did turn up. ...
and no her demands are nothing like that more lending her money or youll never see your son again etc etc
doesnt excuse the fact hes horrible tho

You seem flat mum , you ok? What happened?