Plz someone help

[mariam101]

I have been in a relationship with my partner for about 7/8 years now and have 4 kids. Before I fell pregnant with my first child I noticed he had a temper but it was always with the neighbours, never with me. After I fell pregnant with my first child he changed and was very abusive both physically and emotionally. About 3 years into the relationship things had gotten really bad I was pregnant with 3rd child and had decided to leave the relationship and take my children with me I went through all the right ways to go about these issues and got all the help I needed and didn't see or speak to him for about 7 months after that we decided to start talking for the sake of the kids and after a couple of weeks we he had convinced me had changed and he was saying how sorry he was n that he was really ashamed of himself so we dicided to give it another go. He was good for about 3 months then he went back to being his normal self really abusive not physical but emotionally verbally and financially but it had got really bad (worse than before) now I have 4 children and things have reached breaking point I have tried to leave on a number of occasions with the kids but he would threaten me about having kid took off me he has put me down in myself and about being a mom makes me think I can't do things on my own n that if I not with him I won't succeed in anything in life. I have even tried to leave on my own by leaving the kids in his care ( I know that I shouldn't but he threatens to come after me and hurt me if I take children again) so for the kids sake I was going to leave them but he wouldn't let me go he was making false promises and saying it wasn't his fault he doesn't mean it and then he put it all on me saying it was my fault. I'm very stuck as to what I should do I want to leave but I am too scared to go the right way about it incase of being rejected because I did it last time n then went bk. I just don't know what to do I now I need to get myself and the kids away but I not sure how plz has anyone got any advice for me and what I should do.

You will need the help from these people when you do leave.

They are well aware of men like your partner, they have seen it all. Abusers are very similar in their threats and ways.

They will have heard a story like yours a thousand times. They won't get you to leave the children. They will tell you how to get them.

Even if you save some money, you will still need help getting away and these are the people to give it to you.

Ok so it's in the middle of the night n bby was sick. He called me a monster and I don't deserve the kids and do one. I kept quiet and said nothing of leaving he then went one to say that if I ever leave with kids that he or someone from him is gna hurt me they gna do me over. I starting to panic now I haven't even begin my plans to leave and he saying all this.

You need to get out now!

:-( things do seem to be escalating OP. Do you think he would harm the children? Can you leave with the baby?

Did you manage to talk to woman's aid? Try not to worry that you don't have any documents/ passports etc. Although they would be helpful to have you can get help to retrieve those later.

I really think you need the police and Women's Aid. Can you call 101 and ask for the DV unit. I am sure they can help you.

I cud leave with the bby n my youngest son right now go school n get other 2 but I wouldnt know where to go to stay safe until I found a refuge. I have no family or friends and I think if I not sure about police I too scared I told my daughter morning time today that we wouldn't be hea for much longer and soon everything would b ok. I'm just really paranoid.

Do you take your children to school or does he? If you do that would be an opportunity to leave.
Can you speak to the school about what is happening at home? If he took them to school could you get them from school at some point before home time? I'm sure that given your circumstances the school hopefully help you leave him. Can you tell social services what is happening, they should (i hope) help you and your children reach safety.

Have you called that Gateway number yet? They can help you?

Well my brother in law takes them n he picks them up. At the moment he upstairs in bed and if it goes quiet all of a sudden he will get suspicious I was thinking a time next week where I wud pretend to go doctors and say I taking kids to his moms and go straight school from there get kids n leave but I still haven't decided yet.

OP I'm going to stick my head above the parapet (tin hat on!), are your partners family from a specific cultural background or not? It is helpful to know when giving advice.

Yea they are Asian n are muslims

Are you also of Asian dissent Miriam?

No I'm white n British but I did convert to Islam at a young age just before I met him

Sorry mariam bloody autocorrect

I'm going to do a bit of research on this x

OK Muslim Women's Network - calling from mobile - 0303 999 5786
From land line - 08009995786
Email - in form an helpline.co.UK

Sorry. Email is [email protected]

OP - I understand that it's a really, really scary situation, but you CAN get out of there. You can do this. Deep breath, then please, please call an organisation to give you advice and help. Everything - the money situation, accommodation - can be sorted out, once you take that first step.

Thanks I feel as if I have so many ppl supporting me and at this moment I really need it. I feel as if I haven't got all this support I wouldn't be able to go through with it. I just biding a bit of time til I call the gateway ppl so I know what I doin how I gettin all the children because I know that if I leave any of the children he will 1) brainwash them into thinking I don't care about them 2) convince them that if I try to come n get them that I don't wana come with me but stay with him 3) make it impossible to get them bk. so I need to make sure wen I leave I have them all with me. Once I sure on how I can get them all I am out the door but at the moment I not able too.

Please be very careful that they don't suspect you are planning to escape. It sounds like you are very carefully monitored, keep phone hidden and that they don't discover you are on here x

Mariam

I wouldn't bother with preparing exotic plans - if you can get out with the youngest two and pick the others up from school, just go now and phone Gateway while you're doing it. (If in doubt, just go into your nearest police station and say you've all been being held prisoner.)

Actually - you don't even need to head to a police station if there's not one near by. Just head into the nearest large shop/office and ask them to call the police for you.

Hi Mariam. I've been reading through the thread and this is an awful situation but you have a lot of support on MN so please don't think that you're on your own. May I suggest that rather than waiting to find out about a refuge, you make an excuse to take your youngest out of the house with you, collect your other children from school (you'd probably need to explain why you've came to collect them, but they too will be very supportive of your situation) and go to a police station. Explain to them that you need to get to a refuge or help of that sort and they should be able to assist. I have been in your position, although I had refuge at a family members house. The sooner you get out the better because your partner will become suspicious. If he finds your secret phone then there'll be consequences, eg. removing all children from your care and leaving them with his parents. Money and belongings do not matter. What matters is that you and your children are away from harm and in a safe environment. I hope you find the strength to leave before this weekend.

They don't knowni have a phone I secretly ordered it about 2 weeks ago n wen I not using it I hide in between cot n mattress he hardly ever around anyway he always in bed til 1-2 gets up has a bath leaves to get kids from school takes them to his moms goes out n comes bk wiv kids 7-7.30 n them goes bk in attick ( that's where he sleeps he don't sleep in same room as me)