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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Plz someone help

326 replies

mariam101 · 17/03/2015 11:26

I have been in a relationship with my partner for about 7/8 years now and have 4 kids. Before I fell pregnant with my first child I noticed he had a temper but it was always with the neighbours, never with me. After I fell pregnant with my first child he changed and was very abusive both physically and emotionally. About 3 years into the relationship things had gotten really bad I was pregnant with 3rd child and had decided to leave the relationship and take my children with me I went through all the right ways to go about these issues and got all the help I needed and didn't see or speak to him for about 7 months after that we decided to start talking for the sake of the kids and after a couple of weeks we he had convinced me had changed and he was saying how sorry he was n that he was really ashamed of himself so we dicided to give it another go. He was good for about 3 months then he went back to being his normal self really abusive not physical but emotionally verbally and financially but it had got really bad (worse than before) now I have 4 children and things have reached breaking point I have tried to leave on a number of occasions with the kids but he would threaten me about having kid took off me he has put me down in myself and about being a mom makes me think I can't do things on my own n that if I not with him I won't succeed in anything in life. I have even tried to leave on my own by leaving the kids in his care ( I know that I shouldn't but he threatens to come after me and hurt me if I take children again) so for the kids sake I was going to leave them but he wouldn't let me go he was making false promises and saying it wasn't his fault he doesn't mean it and then he put it all on me saying it was my fault. I'm very stuck as to what I should do I want to leave but I am too scared to go the right way about it incase of being rejected because I did it last time n then went bk. I just don't know what to do I now I need to get myself and the kids away but I not sure how plz has anyone got any advice for me and what I should do.

OP posts:
Ledkr · 20/03/2015 12:02

Op. I will pm u my mobile number. Happy to meet up Monday. I'm training 9-4 so could meet after or at lunch. I've got an open return from n street so easy for me.
I was you 20 odd years ago, I've had a fantastic life since.
U have just done then best thing you will ever do, brave girl.

Ledkr · 20/03/2015 12:03

Also happy for u just to text for support

CunningCat · 20/03/2015 12:03

Ledkr if ever I'm in deep shit I want you aroundWine you are lovely x

loveareadingthanks · 20/03/2015 12:05

That's the scariest part done now, Mariam. You are amazing! So relieved to hear you and your children are safe and all together now and you are being helped to find a refuge.

Quitelikely · 20/03/2015 12:07

Phew!!!

Thank heavens. I'm relieved for you.

Don't ever look back. Take all the help you can get.

You are in a strong position now.

Please consider moving far, far away from this man and his family.

It will be hard at first but you will meet new friends when you go out to toddler groups with your baby.

Ledkr · 20/03/2015 12:09

The school sound fuckkng negligent.
This should fall well within child protection and they should have acted accordingly, dreadful.

tipsytrifle · 20/03/2015 12:10

oh Mariam i have been working superfast to get back and see how your escape went. You are SUPERB! You did it in the face of not-so-much from school but you made it all happen!

What do you think about Ledkr's offer of direct help and guidance in real life? I think you might consider talking privately with her as she knows way more than most about the process you need to deal with now.

Refuge is going to be weird, no doubt, but don't lose sight of the ultimate goal which is to be rehoused, safe and free from captivity. There is no doubt you were captive. There will be issues and struggles ahead but face everything bravely, stay with us for as long as you need us. Today is also International Happiness day. You just took a HUGE first step into it.

FlowersFlowersFlowers

Ledkr · 20/03/2015 12:11

cunning
Thanks.
One of the joys of experiencing bad stuff in life is the ability to help others that arises from it.

Ledkr · 20/03/2015 12:13

Lu

CunningCat · 20/03/2015 12:19

Ledkr I escaped a violent cunt twenty years ago. I will go to any lengths to protect other women in the same situation. As a woman we all have a duty to protect each otherSmile
I'm so pleased op has the opportunity to meet you and get invaluable adviceFlowers

Lemonylemon · 20/03/2015 12:41

OP: I'm so relieved for you and your DC... x

MiscellaneousAssortment · 20/03/2015 13:08

Thank God.

I know you feel sick and it must be awful for you. But you're doing a REALLY GOOD THING, for you and your children. Don't let him or anyone else grind you down and make you feel like you're being inconvenient or silly. What you are being is brave, and amazing, and strong. Keep it up please sweetie, don't give up now when you've done the hardest bit Flowers

ShadyMyLady · 20/03/2015 13:17

That is just fantastic news.

You are so incredibly brave and should be proud of yourself Flowers.

The school sound like they did you no favours, which is appalling, it doesn't look like the correct procedures were followed and I hope someone who has the power to, pulls them up on it.

When I thew my abusive husband out, well he was arrested, I had a rollercoaster of emotions the following days, weeks and months. Stay strong though, the hardest part is over.

cozietoesie · 20/03/2015 13:22

Well done Ledkr.

I'm just thinking that if she still wants to post, now might be a good time for mariam to use the 'other place'. If anyone is in touch with her - via PMs or otherwise - perhaps they could direct her to it? (I won't be posting any links on this board for obvious reasons.)

DakotaFanny · 20/03/2015 14:23

Well done! Well done! Well done! X

MissMuesli · 20/03/2015 16:06

Cozietosie, could you please pm me "the other place". Would like to continue to support Marium if she continues to post here :-)

MarthasHarbour · 20/03/2015 16:26

I hope the radio silence means mariam is safe. My heart was in my mouth at school run tonight thinking of her x

EveryFrickingNameIsTaken · 20/03/2015 16:27

Me too please. If it's not too much trouble.

EveryFrickingNameIsTaken · 20/03/2015 16:29

I've been like that all day Marthas. I'm guessing (hoping) that she's found a safe place and they're all settling in

Azulejo9 · 20/03/2015 16:32

Cosietozies
Will you also PM me the other place too. Please.
I've been following Mariams position today and want to check she is ok

crazyauntie · 20/03/2015 16:45

Please can you also pm the other place? Really hope everything is okay. Like they say no new is good news!

mortil2 · 20/03/2015 17:01

cosietoesie if its not too much trouble could you pm me with the details of the other place too. I am so very concerned about her safety and like the others am worried about this time after school. what an incredibly brave woman. I can't believe how much support and achievement MN can master to help her. Its remarkable. Hope no words is a good sign

Phoenixashes · 20/03/2015 17:27

Has anyone heard from the OP? Is she safe?

LittleEsmeWeatherwax · 20/03/2015 17:56

Mariam, I'm deeply proud of you and in awe of you. Let us know you're ok when you can.

If I was in the area, I'd help more.

43percentburnt · 20/03/2015 19:21

Well done, hope you are okay xx