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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Plz someone help

326 replies

mariam101 · 17/03/2015 11:26

I have been in a relationship with my partner for about 7/8 years now and have 4 kids. Before I fell pregnant with my first child I noticed he had a temper but it was always with the neighbours, never with me. After I fell pregnant with my first child he changed and was very abusive both physically and emotionally. About 3 years into the relationship things had gotten really bad I was pregnant with 3rd child and had decided to leave the relationship and take my children with me I went through all the right ways to go about these issues and got all the help I needed and didn't see or speak to him for about 7 months after that we decided to start talking for the sake of the kids and after a couple of weeks we he had convinced me had changed and he was saying how sorry he was n that he was really ashamed of himself so we dicided to give it another go. He was good for about 3 months then he went back to being his normal self really abusive not physical but emotionally verbally and financially but it had got really bad (worse than before) now I have 4 children and things have reached breaking point I have tried to leave on a number of occasions with the kids but he would threaten me about having kid took off me he has put me down in myself and about being a mom makes me think I can't do things on my own n that if I not with him I won't succeed in anything in life. I have even tried to leave on my own by leaving the kids in his care ( I know that I shouldn't but he threatens to come after me and hurt me if I take children again) so for the kids sake I was going to leave them but he wouldn't let me go he was making false promises and saying it wasn't his fault he doesn't mean it and then he put it all on me saying it was my fault. I'm very stuck as to what I should do I want to leave but I am too scared to go the right way about it incase of being rejected because I did it last time n then went bk. I just don't know what to do I now I need to get myself and the kids away but I not sure how plz has anyone got any advice for me and what I should do.

OP posts:
rubyshoes3 · 20/03/2015 10:08

Stay strong you can do this.

Charley50 · 20/03/2015 10:09

If you find it hard to speak you could show them what you have written here.

cozietoesie · 20/03/2015 10:09

Well done. Keep it together until the police arrive.

chinuphigh · 20/03/2015 10:11

Exactly maximum. Do what Charles 50 said and show them what is written here. Do not back down!!

MissMuesli · 20/03/2015 10:12

Well done for getting yourself to the school! Hope the police will help you now! You've been so brave!

chinuphigh · 20/03/2015 10:12

Sorry mariam101. X

MissMuesli · 20/03/2015 10:12

Also if there are no court orders in place I don't think school can stop you from taking them?

MiscellaneousAssortment · 20/03/2015 10:13

Keep going please, you're so close.

Don't go, school need to deal with this. Don't let them make you give up, you need help.

Well done for calling police. Keep going. Show them this thread, or the phrase I send you late last night. Don't be ashamed or turn away.

You need help. You have to get help my lovely. Flowers

Lemonylemon · 20/03/2015 10:13

Stay strong.... You CAN DO THIS!! x

Azulejo9 · 20/03/2015 10:14

Mariam
Well done on getting away. You are amazing. I have been in your position too & managed to get away. Please ask the school to contact the police urgently as I am fearful of your brother in law realising you have left the house by now and realising what your plans are.
You need to get away from the school with all your children ASAP

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 20/03/2015 10:17

The school sound fucking useless. If you are talking to the reception staff then stop. Ask for the head or the child protection officer. They will know what is needed.

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 20/03/2015 10:18

You're all out and not going back.

If needs be just keep repeating 'My children are at risk. I am at risk. I have been threatened. We're not going back, we need urgent help'

Good Luck again.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 20/03/2015 10:18

No school can't stop you taking the children.

What's worrying me is if they have a strong relationship with the husband or in laws that the school is stalling.

I'm so glad you've called the police. You need to get them with you as soon as they can get there.

And you need to take the children with you.

The school may not want to give them to you but they cannot stop you taking them. Insist you get them now. The school may be thinking they are safe with them... But they are not, as your h and in laws could turn up at any minute and take them to use them as a weapon against you.

I repeat. The school cannot refuse to give you your children. They need to come with you NOW

MiscellaneousAssortment · 20/03/2015 10:19

This:

The school sound fucking useless. If you are talking to the reception staff then stop. Ask for the head or the child protection officer. They will know what is needed.

BunnyFint · 20/03/2015 10:19

Well done Mariam, stay strong, you CAN do this! Please ask for the head to see you. I'm hoping your silence means the police are there with you now.

nowisthetimetosaygoodbye · 20/03/2015 10:19

Mariam - I 'm a lurker on your thread but am so full of admiration for you, please just hold it together until help comes - keep phoning womens aid, the refuge, social services and show this thread to the school. If they won't phone the police - do it yourself. You are in a place of safety, do not move from there, they won't let the children out of school to anyone else while you are there.

Stay strong - you've got this far. Flowers

I'll go back to lurking with my fingers crossed.

MissMuesli · 20/03/2015 10:21

Keep on repeating "I am being abused, the children and I are not safe. We have been threatened". Are the police coming?

nowisthetimetosaygoodbye · 20/03/2015 10:22

Just seen you've called the police (didn't refresh the page before posting!). Good good good.

MissMuesli · 20/03/2015 10:25

Remember if you family turn up at school you DO NOT have to go with them. You are an adult and you do not have to go back with them. Keep strong, you are so very close now.

kittensinmydinner · 20/03/2015 10:29

I have no idea how theses things work or what the 'rules' are hear, but surely MNHQ could PM The OP and seek her permission to call the police/refuge/ women's aid on her behalf. Her life could be at risk if she doesn't get help and ends up going back ?

kittensinmydinner · 20/03/2015 10:31

Op really needs a rl advocate with her to enable her to access services. Will/do WA have that type of facility ?

CunningCat · 20/03/2015 10:33

Please stay strong. I bloody wish I lived near you. Are any of you on this thread in Birmingham? If so please pm her and help her.

EveryFrickingNameIsTaken · 20/03/2015 10:34

Well done Mariam. You've done it.

Whoever you have spoken to at the school needs a good hard kick up the arse. Their initial reaction should have been to call the police or child protection so that you can explain the situation. They're supposed to make the children a priority, obviously they haven't!

Let us all know when the police have arrived and you're safe. We'll all be eagerly awaiting x

EveryFrickingNameIsTaken · 20/03/2015 10:38

I was thinking the same Cunning. It would make things much easier for Mariam and a lot less easy if either her P or his family showed up!

MissMuesli · 20/03/2015 10:41

I wish I lived in Birmingham, but I don't sadly :-(