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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Plz someone help

326 replies

mariam101 · 17/03/2015 11:26

I have been in a relationship with my partner for about 7/8 years now and have 4 kids. Before I fell pregnant with my first child I noticed he had a temper but it was always with the neighbours, never with me. After I fell pregnant with my first child he changed and was very abusive both physically and emotionally. About 3 years into the relationship things had gotten really bad I was pregnant with 3rd child and had decided to leave the relationship and take my children with me I went through all the right ways to go about these issues and got all the help I needed and didn't see or speak to him for about 7 months after that we decided to start talking for the sake of the kids and after a couple of weeks we he had convinced me had changed and he was saying how sorry he was n that he was really ashamed of himself so we dicided to give it another go. He was good for about 3 months then he went back to being his normal self really abusive not physical but emotionally verbally and financially but it had got really bad (worse than before) now I have 4 children and things have reached breaking point I have tried to leave on a number of occasions with the kids but he would threaten me about having kid took off me he has put me down in myself and about being a mom makes me think I can't do things on my own n that if I not with him I won't succeed in anything in life. I have even tried to leave on my own by leaving the kids in his care ( I know that I shouldn't but he threatens to come after me and hurt me if I take children again) so for the kids sake I was going to leave them but he wouldn't let me go he was making false promises and saying it wasn't his fault he doesn't mean it and then he put it all on me saying it was my fault. I'm very stuck as to what I should do I want to leave but I am too scared to go the right way about it incase of being rejected because I did it last time n then went bk. I just don't know what to do I now I need to get myself and the kids away but I not sure how plz has anyone got any advice for me and what I should do.

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 20/03/2015 10:47

Me neither.

mariam

Do you remember the name of your key worker from when you last left him? That might help a lot.

CunningCat · 20/03/2015 11:04

I'm really hoping no news is good news.

Ledkr · 20/03/2015 11:07

Not got time at mo to read in detail but I'm in centrak brum on Monday if that's any help. I'm a sw and volunteer for take crisis so fairly knowledgable.
My best mate is child protection SW in brum, I could get a message to her if anyone thinks that would help.

rubyshoes3 · 20/03/2015 11:11

I really hope that Mariam is getting help and that is the reason why she has stopped posting.

CunningCat · 20/03/2015 11:22

Ledkr you're a Star

MissMuesli · 20/03/2015 11:27

Ledkr, that sounds like you would be a fabulous help, it might help the OP to have real life support!

MiscellaneousAssortment · 20/03/2015 11:28

Me too hoping OP is talking to police and they're reacting as they should.

OP please think about meeting Ledkr on Monday whatever happens today. It sounds like she could connect you with the right people in social services. You need help and it's awful that people are t leaping to your rescue :(

I know from personal experience people can react oddly in this kind of situation. And go into a weird jobsworth 'stop bothering me' kind of mode. I hope they are ashamed of themselves tonight when they think about what they did, but that's all the energy I'm going to waste on them. Please try to believe there is help out there and the unhelpful people you've come across are shitty exceptions not the rule. You need to get past them to the good people who will help xxx

Ps I know it's not the same, but when thinking about the jobsworth unhelpful ness type of reaction, it made me remember the awful Starbucks employees in NEw York on 9/11. People asked them for water to help the injured. Got told 'no' they'd have to buy some as its 'company policy'. Fuckers. Different city, different situation, but same attitude.

GeeandTea · 20/03/2015 11:31

I have just read this through with fingers crossed all the way. So happy for you that you managed to get to school. Don't take no for an answer, you're nearly there. Well done Miriam. Flowers

Original poster
mariam101 · 20/03/2015 11:36

I'm at the police station at the moment and have all my children now I am currently sortin a refuge out so hopefully in a couple of hours we will be safe thanks for all ur support I feel very sick and an help and support

OP posts:
CunningCat · 20/03/2015 11:37

Miscellaneous, that is unbelievable Sad how do those people sleep at night. Let's all boycott starbucks Angry

MissMuesli · 20/03/2015 11:38

Oh Marium!!! That's incredible, I don't even know you but I feel so proud of you! I know you were scared, you've done so brilliantly well! I'm sorry the school weren't as helpful as they should have been though! Well done for getting out!

If you need support then keeping coming back to us, this period might well be scary and crazy but we are here for you Flowers

EveryFrickingNameIsTaken · 20/03/2015 11:39

Ledkr I think that's a great idea. She needs all the help and support she can get right now.

I too hope that that's the reason why Mariam hasn't posted and they're assisting her to find the right place and help. I still can't get my head around the fact that whoever she spoke to was not willing to help. They're obviously in the wrong job! Schools are supposed to care about children and family situations.

miscellaneous I was thinking of something like that too. Some people just have no sympathy or empathy! Makes me very angry that my DC's are growing up in a generation and society where people turn a blind eye to other people's tragedies

Mahalie · 20/03/2015 11:39

You brave amazing woman!

CunningCat · 20/03/2015 11:40

Mariam WineFlowersCake you've done it! Massive congratulations to you and the kids! You have just reclaimed the rest of your life. I've been a nervous wreck all morning, you've made my day Smile
I'm so happy for for youSmile.
Welcome to freedomGrin

whatsagoodusername · 20/03/2015 11:41

I'm so glad you're at the police station with all your children!

You've been so brave and done so well.

EveryFrickingNameIsTaken · 20/03/2015 11:42

I am so pleased for you Mariam. I think I speak on behalf of everyone that has posted or is lurking that you have absolutely each and every one of us for any help and support that we can give/offer. You are very brave and some time in the future your children will be very proud of you. X

crazyauntie · 20/03/2015 11:43

Well done! Your now free! Congratulations! This is the start of a new life for you and your children! Good luck for your future!!Smile

CunningCat · 20/03/2015 11:43

I'm crying tears of happiness for you! I'm so proud of you! Blowing you a massive kiss!!!

EvilTendency1 · 20/03/2015 11:44

I don't know you, but am immensely proud of what you have done today Flowers

TranquilityofSolitude · 20/03/2015 11:47

Well done, Mariam! You've been so brave. Good luck for the next stage of your lives.

rubyshoes3 · 20/03/2015 11:49

Well done Mariam you are so brave, things will get better now. Remember you are doing this for yourself and your children as you all deserve to be safe and happy.

kittenwrestler · 20/03/2015 11:51

You are an amazing brave woman.

CunningCat · 20/03/2015 11:53

Fellow posters, today we have supported this lady to escape an absolute cunt! Big thumbs up to you all!!!!

cozietoesie · 20/03/2015 11:55

Thank Goodness.

chinuphigh · 20/03/2015 11:57

Well done honey,you did it!!!! When you get to the refuge, listen to all their advice and support. They are very experienced and can help you to get back on your feet. (Speaking from experience). Give your kids loads of hugs and take some time to calm and breathe easy again. Am so proud of you as I know the abject terror involved in getting out. Big hugs!!