What did your mother do RIGHT?

[katiekatie]

...when you were growing up?

Mine got a lot wrong but she was nicely ambitious for me. Set my sights high....

Not a lot actually...

She taught me that it's good to be strong and independent.
She taught me that you should never favour one child over the other.
She set her sights high for me and expected that I achieve.
She taught me never to remain in a toxic relationship

Ironically, she did all this through the things she did "wrong"

I never doubted that she loved me 'though.

Provided a good role model in having the strength of mind and decent self esteem to to separate from two twattish husbands. Then again, showing that a single woman could work, run a home and be perfectly self sufficient.

Marrying two twats slightly less admirable, but hey we all make mistakes

She was (is) on my side, she has my back!

Always made it clear she loved me even if annoyed or frustrated with my behaviour.

Made it clear I could tell her anything but didn't have to tell her EVERYthing.

Showed interest in me and valued my opinion

She was honest with me about things, in an age appropriate way

She taught me to be independent, she was a great role model, she gave me security and resilience, she made great cake, she trusted me, she believed in me. My mum is pretty fabulous.

She loved me and she did her best. Not sure what else anyone can expect.

She taught me a love of travel.

She and my Dad met abroad, and when we were growing up, they sacrificed a lot to take us on holiday to interesting places every other year. Her (and Dad to be fair) encouragement to explore different cultures led me to my career, all the travel I've done and the courage to move to the other side of the world at 21.

She's not entirely sure it was such a good thing (for 6 years both DB and myself lived in a different country to her, with all her grandchildren)

She also didn't push me down a "gifted Saturday school" route as she was encouraged to when I was small. Instead she put loads of effort into activities and social events. It made me utterly miserable in my teens as I would have been happier with a book, but looking back, she judged my personality perfectly, as had I been allowed to retreat into myself as a teen I would have absolutely no social skills now, instead of just reall bad ones.

She also protected me from my grandmother (her MIL) who favoured my brother and wasn't afraid to show it. I never realised how much until some of the stories started coming out as an adult (I knew she favoured him, but it was only when I started telling her about all the petty cruelties from GM that I realised that she knew and they were only the tip of the iceberg compared to the things she had hidden from me).

Oh, and later on, when I was having DD1 she was utterly supportive in all my choices re labour and breastfeeding despite never having given birth or breastfed herself (I'm adopted) and all the emotions that time must have caused her.

I do wish she hadn't been so obviously disappointed over the years at my lack of any sporting ability or inclination

Have to say...would not change my mum for the world. I love her to bits and as most of us find, life is not a bed of roses and there is no definitive formula for getting it "right".

None of us are perfect and good or bad, our mothers shape the person we become. I've learned from her mistakes, hopefully to the benefit of my DD, although she may feel different!

I think I've turned out okay, so thanks Mum!

Loved me, made it easy for me to feel lovable.

She was quite strict but her face lights up when she sees me.

Encouraged me to prioritise school work over household chores, and to do well in whatever I wanted to achieve. Listened to me and helped me as best she could.

Pretty good, really. What more would anyone want? xx

Most things to be honest. She was always there for me (and my siblings), supported us in our good choices, and gave sage advice when our not so great choices caused us problems.
She didn't show any favouritism - I genuinely believe she loves all four of us differently, for our differences.
I am raising my dcs in a very similar way to my own upbringing, and hope with all my heart that they are as happy in their childhood as my sisters, brother and I were.

She showed me honesty. She never expected perfection and was very upfront about sex and our bodies so I was able to go to her if needed.

She raised me and my sister with love.
She was always there if she said she would be.
She showed me that women could and should be good, confident drivers.
She taught me how to cook and run a household.
She taught me how to have a healthy body image and relationship with food.
She made sure I could swim.
She made sure I had a good education.
She taught me to speak eloquently and the value of this and of writing and expressing myself confidently.
She taught me how to be thrifty, if I need it!

She also taught me a lot by the mistakes she made - mainly in the abusive relationship she got into after she and my dad split up.

Oh and she's been there and always listened. She's been my sounding board throughout my life. And she's given great advice on occasion too.

She never forced me to eat food I didn't fancy - which was wildly unusual for a 70s childhood. I credit this with the fact I have never had a weight problem - I know when to stop eating because I was never forced to eat when I didn't want to.

Ach she's not perfect but she has no hangups. She is who she is, unrepentantly.

There were never issues over food, body image, weight, what girls "should" or "could" do.... you are who you are and I'm a confident, easy going adult with no major hang ups (she says modestly....).

She's taken a lot of crap from me, especially as a teenager, and tbf she's dished out a fair bit too. But there was never any doubt that underneath it all there was love. She would never, never have turned away from me, no matter what I did.

We have a great relationship now. She still drives me bloody mental at time though :)

Only by her feck ups has she taught me stuff sadly.

She taught me that motherhood isnt about how clean your house is and perfect homecooked meals and a constant steam of criticism. Its about unconditional love and support.

She taught me that expecting perfection means you will always be disappointed. She taught me not to rely on a man to do absolutely everything. When my Dad passed, she didnt know how to write a cheque. My sister had to organise the funeral.

She taught me that knowledge is power: When i was seriously ill she didnt know the way to our local A&E 2miles away, a neighbour had to take us- we'd lived there 12yrs and she was too tight to phone for ambulance.

So so much. I'm rather ashamed of the fact that I only truly started appreciating her when I became a mother and realised how hard this parenting lark is!

Loved me unconditionally. Was genuinely interested in me, my ideas, my worries, everything. Gave me boundaries and insisted on good manners/consideration towards others. Encouraged me no matter what I wanted to do. Was hugely patient (I now realise!!). Gave me a love of good food, travel, opening my eyes to other cultures and ways of thinking. Taught me that feminism is about economic independence not just 'ideas' - so you need to work hard at school so you can support yourself later on and not have to rely 100% on a man.

To value education.

To never be too dependant on someone.
To work hard and earn my own money.
That women are not second class citizens.

She fed us healthy food
She was very creative
She was very funny
She took us outdoors a lot
She read a lot and talked to us about interesting things, including current affairs
She could have been more honest about a few family secrets though

Agreed I only started to appreciate my mum once I had kids. She had three in two years and I look at my toddler now and wonder how the hell she did it...

My mum alway made university seem like the done thing and showed me the value of education. She also taught me that I can do whatever I want if I set my mind to it and that I shouldn't let my fears dictate what I do and don't do. My mum is bloody brilliant all told

She taught me to always stand on my own two feet. Never rely on another man (or woman). To always have a career that could support me through life.

She got a lot wrong, but the above she set by example. And despite being pregnant at 16, I've done it. By 19 I was at University, and got a degree and career from it. By 21 I was out of my council house, by 23 out of my privately rented house, and had a mortgage. I had a stable home for my child, a car, a good income, and have continued to build on this.

I'm 30 now, and completely self sufficient, even though I have just found myself single, and pregnant with a 3rd child.

It's thanks to my mum that this won't break me.

Oh - she also created a love of reading. She read to me LOADS from a tiny age. We used to read together by the fire in the evenings .It was really magical.

Not much.