What did your mother do RIGHT?

[katiekatie]

...when you were growing up?

children's parties
made primary school give me space away from the bullies

my adoptive mother: she gave me time. She loved me unconditionally. She taught me what a strong, feisty woman was. She wanted the absolute best for me. A bit 1950's in some ways, had quite a temper and could nag, but so loving.

Read to me, was there for me, taught me cake making (I make a mean choc cake).

I wish profoundly that I could have known her in the teenage and even better, adult years (she died when I was 11).

Biological mother: She valued education.

She did love her children but she taught me that love can come at far too high a price and sometimes you have to walk away or live under tyranny. Not thank god a position that most people are in. But for those who are, life becomes unendurable.

Mum taught me to cook and sew which has been immensely valuable.

She told me from a very young age to pull my stomach in and stand/sit up straight; this was great advice and I had the flattest stomach ever until 5 years ago, despite my age and having had 2 Dc's.
She taught me to save to buy instead of buying on credit all the time.
She told me that she loved my younger Brother and I equally and would never favour one over the other, but this was not true! my Brother has always been the blue eyed boy and funnily enough; he's always the one that hasn't bothered with her, that borrowed money from her and never paid it back...loads more!! aaaand! I'm sorry about the rant! but this has taught me not to favour one child more than the other. I don't love one more and I don't overindulge one over the other.

Mine taught good morals and values. They took us out loads, sadly too much National Trust properties, but heck - they did their best. She taught me about feminism and told me I could do anything I wanted to. She never criticised by very poor choices in men. She didn't interfere when I became a mother. She let me make mistakes. She did lots wrong, but I think she always did what she hoped was right. I didn't realise much of that until I became a mother myself.

This will be my first Mother's Day without her - we were not close, but it is going to be tough.

She always put us first. She was keen for us to do well and have careers, unlike her. Most of all,she loved us, and showed it.

She didn't get every thing right. She did her best though. Just like most parents.

Always taking my side, even when she knew I was wrong, even when I knew I was wrong - And then delicately discussing it so I come to my own realisation that I was being a tit. Helping to put right the mess I had gotten myself in!

She didn't.

But that made me a better mother - I just try not to do what she did.
Didn't always work, but by fuck do I try.

This thread has made me think. My mum and I have a fairly difficult relationship at times. She had an affair when I was 16 (and I suspect it wasn't her first), left home and didn't ask my brother and I to go with her.

However...

She had all the time in the world for us as young children. We did clay modelling, painting, drawing, jewellery making etc. She encouraged my love of books (even though she's not a big reader herself). She didn't force me to eat things I didn't want, the dr told her I would eat if I was hungry (as a young child) and she heeded his advice. She trusted me to make the right decisions.

It went to pot a bit as I got older, she is fundamentally extremely selfish and has made life extremely difficult at times, she is not at all maternal, but I'm sure she did her best.

So lovely to read, thank you. i always dread spending time with my mum because she's so critical, and with Mothers Day coming up I wanted to prepare myself for it with a more positive frame of mind! Happy weekend everyone
Oh and mine taught me to sew & how to be frugal in general.

My mum loved me. She didn't always like me, but she loved me.
She was always there for my sister and I in terms of taking us out to places and she ensured that we always had horses in our lives from a young age, which was something always denied to her.

Now I am coming up for 30 and my mum is still there for me and still loves me and I think she likes me a lot more, too. We sometimes hit difficulties in our relationship as we both do with my sister, too, but as I said to her only the other night the 3 of us are a family because we love and care for one another. We work at our relationship because it matters. It is particularly important to us as my dad walked out on my mum almost 6 years ago. Our unit is small and flawed, but strong and growing (DH, BIL, my two DC, plus incoming DC3 and my sisters incoming DC)

My lovely mum did so many things right. I'd be thrilled if I could be half as good a mum to my dd.

I think, first and foremost, she gave me absolute, unconditional love - I was never in any doubt at all that she would love me, no matter what. I am tremendously grateful for that.

She taught us to give 100% to whatever we did, and to aim high, but she also emphasised that doing your best was always good enough, regardless of the outcome.

She encouraged me to pursue my dreams, even when she didn't like them. She tried very hard not to let her own anxieties stop me from exploring the world.

She valued education and encouraged a love of learning, books etc. She chatted to us about stuff, debated with us, challenged our thinking. She shared her beliefs and moral values with us, but encouraged us to develop our own views.

She encouraged us to do whatever we thought would make us happy, and she impressed upon us the importance of maintaining our financial independence - something that she regretted not doing for herself.

She played silly games with us, messed around, laughed with us. She cuddled us and let us know that we could always ask her for help if we needed it.

She was, and is, amazing. Yes, there were things that weren't perfect - she struggled with depression and anxiety at times, and obviously that did impact on us, even though she tried not to let us see it. She wasn't great at teaching us physical skills - I still can't swim or ride a bike! She was also somewhat secretive and coy about bodily functions, which didn't give me a terribly positive body image. But every parent is going to get some stuff wrong, and I'm grateful that she wasn't perfect as I'd never be able to live up to it!

She is a fantastic grandmother now - fun and living to my dd, incredibly helpful and supportive to me as a parent, never interferes or gives an opinion on my parenting unless I ask for it, and makes me feel like I'm doing a good job as a mum.

Who could ask for more?!

Nothing, I'm lucky I turned out as well as I did after the emotional and psychological abuse she put me through.I have put everything into being a good mum and making sure I'm nothing like her.

Loving not living!

Raised me in a house full of books
Raised me to respect nature and love being outdoors, and to not be scared of spiders and creepy crawlies. I am the only woman I know (except her) who can put bees and wasps out of the window with the minimum of fuss.

Made me passionate about politics and feminism and ensured I always use my vote. And made me proud of the very humble background her family had come from to bring us up in comfortable surroundings.

Took me to the theatre and ignited the passion for it that has been the core of my life.

Didn't let on that there were some members of our family she didn't really get on with, when I was little, and tried to shield me from family tensions. Not quite so much these days, but that's inevitable really.

Above all she's always been there for me. I'm more sure of my mum's love for me than I am of anything. By the time she was my age, she'd been without a mum for years & years, so she never had her own mum there when she married or had children - so I know being a grandmother is very precious to her. I hope I can make it as good for her as it can possibly be!

Had my back and still does. She would always take my side.

That's the main one really. She was a fun, young mum, perhaps not always the best role model, but I haven't made the same mistakes that she did anyway. I always had the 'cool' stuff even if she got into debt for it, not entirely sensible but I am grateful all the same!!

Everything :) she loved us unconditionally. She always has our backs even now. I can tell her anything, she is the person I run everything past. She enjoyed spending time with us and took us on mini adventures all the time. She valued education but valued us being happy more. She worked two jobs so we didn't miss out on anything. She's a pretty great granny too :)

Oh and she got 3 degrees while working 2 jobs and raising 3 kids. Total inspiration.

She told me that books were exciting, and always to pack a spare pair of knickers. Apart from that she was fairly dreadful; but those two things have been invaluable.

My mum taught me a lot, bad and good. Her favourite quote: you're not better than anyone else but there's nobody better than you! Stuck with me. She taught me to be independent, that life is tough, but you get through the worst of times!

she loved me unconditionally;
she pushed me in education (in a soft way) despite having had to leave school at 15 to get a job and contribute to her parents house;
She encouraged me in everything I showed an interest in and showed up to swimming galas, music concerts, dance shows, sports days, but was never disappointed if I came last nor showy if I won, she encouraged me to do my best and I knew she was always proud.
She made life fun;
She placed importance on kindness and integrity and gave me a great moral compass;
She worked hard at creating a lovely home that was always clean and in which our friends were always welcome.
She is a fantastic nan and loves my boys so much.

Education, education, education.
It wasnt until my twenties that I realised sexual discrimination still existed as my mum always told me (and my sisters) that we could do anything we wanted if we worked hard. (Despite the effort and encouragement she put into my education she is also very supportive of me being a SAHM).

Oh, she also introduced me to a fondness for gin

How to not be a mother.

:)

She taught me everything I never, ever wanted to become.