What did your mother do RIGHT?

[katiekatie]

...when you were growing up?

Not a lot. She was utterly OBSESSED with educational qualifications and anything less than 3rd in class and I was shouted at. I got 10 O LEvels at Grade A and B and One grade C and she told me that I was not fit to go in the sixth form because of that one grade C. She was overruled on that one and a few years later I got my 2:1 (back in the day when only 6% went to uni)

She cooked healthy meals and brought us up eating fruit and veg ... Other than that not much !

My mother is so missed she was widowed at 38 and was such a kind and caring lady she taught us to be loving and caring people (there were five of us)passed on her cooking skills happily did see her grandchildren born I thank god for the lovely lady who was my mother and after 26 years we all miss her so love you mum xxx

My mum taught me to keep my nose out of other people's business.
She always pulled a funny "why?" sort of face if I told her I was dieting.I guess because she grew up in the war when food was scarce.
She was a nurse and midwife, valued education, and made me feel I could achieve my potential.

Mine never stood for bullying, homophobia, or racism of any kind, even though at that time and place it was everywhere in a casual sense.

MIL (who is DMs friend) has recently decided she doesn't like me. Mum's response was "just ignore her, she has a problem with people who are genuinely kind". It was said in such a matter of fact way that I didn't even notice the compliment until later in the evening and it made me cry.

She also managed to raise 5 children who actually had a discussion which can be summarised "I'm her fave" "no, I'm her fave" "you're both wrong, I'm her fave" because she devoted individual time to each of us, and loves each one for exactly who we are.

I want to add another one!

She was never afraid to say "I was wrong". I learned from a young age that admitting mistakes was a good thing, that it takes courage and helps you to learn from them.

She used to make us the most amazing cuddly soft toys. Once she made us each a giant bear, bigger than we were. Another time she made me an enormous rag doll, and before I was born she made me a tiger striped wooly cat which I still have 50 years later!
When we were very unpopular, geeky young teens she once sent my sister and me to a party with the biggest home made chocolate cake you've ever seen. This was at a time when no one made their own. The boys at the party stood round scoffing it and asked who had brought it. I still remember their eyes turning to me and my sis with interest for the first time ever, and we ended up being really good mates with that set of boys, who were lovely and funny and friends to this day.

Not a clue she left when I was 3

That women are every bit equal to men and she was raised in a very chauvinistic home where men ruled the roost and she was the only girl with 7 brothers until two more sisters came along much later.
That helping people is important and that there is usually a reason for people behaving badly She would have made a great social worker people always want to tell her their problems even when we have just met them in the shops!
That working class people need education to get on in life (she was "encouraged" not to go to a good school but one that was near home so she could help at home) and hard work will pay off and never killed anybody her words!
She also is always well dressed and at 82 remains interested in fashion and loves shopping!passing on a love of clothes , not always good for the bank balance
She isn't perfect sometimes too harsh a critic of me in my youth , very rarely gives praise but when you get a compliment you know its true .
However since my beloved Dad passed I feel hugely protective of her and we are close friends. I know now what she did right she tried her best.

To give me a sense of duty, discipline and to care about social issues. To respect intellect and culture over material things.

Thank you for this thread, as another poster has said, I'm struggling with a lot of repressed rage at the moment & it's good to get some perspective! Some of these stories have really made me think :( So my Mum is brilliant when you're ill, just brilliant - I still always just want my Mum when I'm ill. She just hits that right balance of empathy & kindness & 'it'll be alright' and makes delicious get better food. I'm petrified of illness because of things that have happened post-childhood but she's amazing about it, she's calm & instills the feeling in you that everything is going to be ok, which I fear I fail to do with my own DC (something to work on hehe!) When I was rushing to hospital to have DC1 she said 'you can do it!' and I believed her, she told me again & again my body is capable of childbirth. A lot I think I now appreciate as the unglamouros, invisible work that I now appreciate a mother does - the fact that we eat well, she was always physically there, although I now look back and question some things about her emotional presence. She has unwittingly taught me it's destructive for a mother to judge & expect perfection, I'm trying hard to break that cycle. She's also unwittingly taught me to value your marriage as well as your DC. Although I hated it at the time, she never let me fit in, she always put her principles over my being socially acceptable, and although that has led to a fair few issues to do with fitting in as an adult, actually thinking back over my big life decisions, I've done exactly what I felt was right for me at the time, bucked the trend and done my own thing, and that's felt pretty good, I can look back at my career & how I'm raising my kids now & know it's sits exactly right with what I want for me & my family, not what's socially expected, and I think I've her to thank for that, though god knows I didn't think it at the time! There's been a few pivotal points in my life where I've done things that everyone else scoffed at but I did them with confidence when I knew they were right for me. That's something :)

I was fed and watered for a while I suppose. Apart from those, nothing. She should never have had me. I don't know what the hell my father was thinking. People should have to pass exams and mental health assessments before they're allowed to become pregnant.

Jessica that's lovely to hear because I'm really trying to do that with my DC...let them know when I'm wrong, when I'm sorry, when I've made a mistake. I never heard that from my parents.

Lines I don't know why pregnancy hormones but I've just teared up a bit at the thought of that cake!

It made me remember my mom buying me an expensive pair of designer jeans even though we didn't have a lot of money and I certainly didn't need them. She knew how important it was to fourteen year old me.

Also when I had my heart broken by the gorgeous bastard of a Swedish exchange student when I was seventeen. She wasn't much for emotions (she's better now) but she came up as I was lying in bed crying and said "it's awful, isn't it?" I really felt understood by her that day.

Also she has always distrusted organized religion but said yes when I asked to go to church and have religious education as a nine year old, and has put up with my devout (iny way) Christianity ever since.

She said I could choose any church except the Baptists, because the ones in our town were mean.

in my way

My mother spoke to me honestly and openly about love and sex
She taught me the love of reading and research
She stood up to my Dad when he was disappointed that I was not good at maths and physics but had a language talent instead
She made sure life was something to be enjoyed
She taught me and my sister we were loved.

All of this despite her having had an emotionally abusive upbringing from a narcissist stepfather and an enabling mother. Instead of repeating the pattern, she worked hard and learned from it - seeing how not to do it made her the wonderful mum she has been.

And now that I have my own children, she still sees how she could have done it better with us - she has told me that she wishes she had been as patient with us as I am with my DDs. My mum - warmth, love, grace, insight. I am incredibly grateful to her.

The meaning of unconditional love. And that its Ok to get it wrong, but never ok to give up trying. She taught me to try and found solutions to my problems, not to mope, and life taught me that sometimes you can't find a solution, but that it still doesn't mean it's ok to quit. And about loyalty, family and courage.

My mum did lots right, she looked after us both emotionally and practically brilliantly, was very selfless, she knew she wanted to be a different kind of mother/parent than her mum had been to her and actively learnt about parenting.

I am still so close to her now and so grateful for the support and love she gives me and dd.

I am so lucky, my mum is lovely

She loved me, I miss her

Left home when I was 3. I think she did me a favour there.

My mom is brilliant. I want to be half as good as her.

Not once have I felt unloved, even when I was pushing her away as a teenager. She's taught me that making pizzas with my children for tea, is more important than having a spotless home.

That she will listen, and do the right amount of judging. The amount that I need.

My mom truly is my best friend. I talk to her most days and I miss her when she's not around. She's the one who knows who I am, even when I have a wobble about it (even though I'm married with two boys so really ought to know)

She taught me the importance of music, and how it can change the mood of people. She made me love reading and music. She's just amazing. She just doesn't know/believe it

She gave me roots and wings-and encouraged me to fly.( And I always came 'home' )

We are NC for less than a year. I learned how NOT to be a parent from her. It would be mean to say she never did anything right but the times when she actually did what parents are supposed to do doesn't mitigate the abuse, emotional blackmail, manipulation and downright cruelty.