Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What did your mother do RIGHT?

145 replies

katiekatie · 13/03/2015 09:58

...when you were growing up?

OP posts:
Selks · 13/03/2015 21:36

Unconditional love. She's been gone 27 years but I still feel her love with me every day. Thank you Mum....I love you xx

MrsBungle · 13/03/2015 21:45

Unconditional love here too. She taught me lots, did her best. The main thing is there was never a day in my life I didn't feel loved - because of her. She died when I was 30 and she was only 52. I feel totally robbed of time with her especially as my first child wasn't born until nearly a year after she died.

Lweji · 13/03/2015 21:56

She taught us to have self respect and to work towards achieving our potential.

To save but not be a slave to money.

To be there for friends and family, but still respecting boundaries.

And a few others how not to.

PeppermintPasty · 13/03/2015 22:03

She was good at making cakes. And cooking generally.

Alas, she taught me to despise myself by allowing me to see myself reflected in her eyes.

-I am pleased to report that I am well over that, plus I bake a mean sponge Smile

Notagainmun · 13/03/2015 22:07

Christmas. We didn't have a lot of spare cash but Dad worked so hard, lots of over time and helping on farms at the weekends and Mum took in sewing (70's). My two siblings and I had magical Christmases and because of their hard work. They also created a fantastic seasonal atmoshere and I remember being permanently excited all through December. Wonderful memories.

antumbra · 13/03/2015 22:44

She provided me with an example of a surrendered wife and showed me how to defer to men in every aspect of life.

I may never have become such a strong woman venturing into adulthood so ill equipped. I may never had had 10 years of being walked upon and abused by men that strengthened me into the woman I am now.

YouAreMyRain · 13/03/2015 22:55

She taught me that I was only responsible for my behaviour, not other people's.
She didn't object to me dating a 19yr old when I was 14 and welcomed him into the house.
She took time out and played with me.
She made me stuff (clothes and dolls clothes)

mineofuselessinformation · 13/03/2015 22:58

Loved me unconditionally - but let me know when I was wrong at the same time.Smile

deste · 13/03/2015 23:09

She taught me to knit, and sew and encouraged my love of art.

Dowser · 13/03/2015 23:16

Loved me. I was a much wanted and adored child.

Always there for me and the kids.

Had a great sense of humour which I like to think I inherited.

Was always there for me especially when my marriage broke up

Fostered in me a good sense of family.

Became my best mate.

Most times just let me get on with it.

Then she got dementia...and the roles are reversed. She still knows me but doesn't understand why she can't live with me or leave her care home when I leave.

Yet another cruel illness but I had a mum in a million.

MoustacheofRonSwanson · 14/03/2015 05:55

When my dad punched her in the face so hard he cracked her tooth she picked me up out of my bed (I was 4) and ran out of the house with me and found a place of safety.
She instilled a love of beauty in me.
She taught me to read and write before I went to school.
She loved me with all her heart even if her behaviour was a bit screwed up at times.
Whenever I would ask her the meaning of a word or how something (like a washing machine) worked she would say something like "look it up in the dictionary" or "work it out for yourself", so she taught me independent study/observation/thinking skills rather than just facts.
Lived her life on her terms more than anyone else I have ever met, lived in line with her values more than anyone else I have ever met, devoted more of her life to what she considered to be truly important rather than getting caught up in nonsense more than anyone else I have ever met.

DesperatelySeekingSanity · 14/03/2015 06:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lidlfix · 14/03/2015 07:41

She is/was an incredible storyteller. On walks, in the car or just to pass time she would tell us stories about her childhood, my grandmothers' upbringings etc. Her tales were family folklore, history, fashion, Scottish culture from 1900 - education and I was totally unaware. I developed a lifelong passion for reading and telling stories. Her 13 DGCs range from 2-22 and are equally enthralled.

Playthegameout · 14/03/2015 07:47

Pretty much everything. She's my absolute role model. I only hope we make half a good job of parenting our ds, as my parents did with me and my sister. I'm massively grateful to her and my dad. She's still a huge support and inspiration to me.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 14/03/2015 07:55

One thing that sticks out is her telling me and showing me what to do if a man touches you inappropriately. I was about 9 at the time but a friend had been sexually assaulted in the park whilst her dad went to buy drinks. It came in useful one time and she also encouraged me to take up self defence classes

antumbra · 14/03/2015 07:55

I am feeling slightly envious reading about all these inspirational mothers.

My mother instilled in me that the single most important thing in life was to be a good wife- to make sure I kept a good home, iron well and never talk back to my husband.
Even when I was being beaten by my own husband she made it clear that I wasn't trying hard enough to make my marriage work.

CheerfulYank · 14/03/2015 07:56

That although talking about things and getting them out is good, sometimes it's just best to let the past be the past.

That no one needs television.

That books are wonderful.

To wear sunscreen.

That dogs are amazing companions.

That I could make my own choices about God.

That fake wooden flooring is dreadful.

Marmaladybird · 14/03/2015 11:44

Although she's an absolute nightmare and in a hugely abusive relationship herself, she taught me a lot growing up, just before she found herself in this situation. She taught me to be independent and self sufficient.

She is now in an abusive relationship which was (just) okay until she was medically retired over 15 years ago. She is unrecognisable as the mother who taught me never to take this shit from anyone.

She left my dad when I was only 4 as he was a trollop who liked to drink too much, she worked shifts to keep us and never claimed a penny. Now she is trapped in a relationship with no money, no prospect of having any, ill health and a partner who doesn't speak to her for 6 months at a time when he sees fit. This time it's because he found out she gets a state pension and he assumed that it (her pension) would be paid directly to him.

He's a twat of the highest order and we cannot get her away from there.

Franke · 14/03/2015 11:51

The one thing I can think of is that she made me look after my teeth. For this and this alone, I am grateful.

FunkyPeacock · 14/03/2015 12:05

Encouraged me to work hard at school and go to uni

Good moral role model (very honest; hard working; never slagged off friends/family - ever; very sensible with money; very charitable; always volunteered at school etc)

No obsessions with appearance or other superficial stuff - trying to 'keep up with the Jones' is one thing you could never accuse my parents of!

Longdistancenerves · 14/03/2015 12:49

She would do anything for me... now.

Growing up she was career minded and my dad played both the mother and father role.
She tries to make up for it now, and sometimes in unhealthy controlling ways, but she's my mum and I love her no matter what.

ConventGarden · 14/03/2015 13:53

Read to me lots
Took me to loads of museums
Immersed me in craft and creative stuff, very visually interesting upbringing
Wrote to me lots
Terrible at teaching or explaining anything - really impatient - but set an amazing example in throwing herself into things with incredible resourceful and determined focus
Emotionally illiterate and very volatile but kind and generous at same time

JoffreyBaratheon · 14/03/2015 16:19

My mum died when I was at primary school. But I remember her vividly, 40 years on. She was a very compassionate person, very sociable, highly intelligent, had a sharp tongue (not with us but others), and put her money where her mouth was. In the 1960s when short of money she had two lodgers - Indian medical students, the first non-white people in our village and my god did she cop a load of flak for that. To her dying day, people crossed the street rather than speak to her. She didn't care.

My brother who is older than me and remembers more grown up stuff tells me she was a socialist - which we both have been too, all our lives. She was religious but also very tolerant of others' beliefs - the day she died my brother and I became atheists and we have never wavered so she didn't teach me much there, sadly. In my career though I worked in faith schools and enjoyed their ethos, and also taught in inner city schools where the kids were mainly sikh or muslim. Mum started the first ever playgroup in our village so women could work and when the council threatened to close it down because she was unqualified - she damn well went and qualified as an NNEB. She was in her 40s and sat in classes with teenage girls. In the final exams she qualified in the top 3 in the country. We were so proud of her. I learned to try and ace exams, from that. She then worked in a really tough inner city school as a TA. She was the Brown Owl and Guide Leader in our village (I refused to even join them - I'm not a joiner). But I think I drew from that the courage to sometimes run groups, and lead other people in various ventures.

Once I said to someone, I wish my mum had lived to know my kids - and I could have learned how to be such a brilliant mum from her. They said some mums are so great you don't need them for years and years to learn how to be a good mother from them. And I think that was right.

Joyfulldeathsquad · 14/03/2015 16:21

She taught me how to cut people off.

I then cut her off

JoffreyBaratheon · 14/03/2015 16:21

Oh yes and once she had a neighbour taken to court for animal cruelty (they kept a dog chained up in their garden). The RSPCA won the case and ever afterwards the dog had to be properly cared for and walked to the police station at the other end of the village every day of its life. If her anti-racism hadn't made a lot of the locals loathe her, this put the tin hat on it and she was really hated. But again - she didn't care. She stood up for her beliefs. She wasn't afraid to speak out. I have thought of her a lot, lately.