What did your mother do RIGHT?

[katiekatie]

...when you were growing up?

Nothing practical but 2 word which encompass millions of years of womanhood: resilience and fortitude.

She taught me to love music, classical and contemporary

She and my Dad have given me a very strong moral compass

She did loads of arty crafty stuff and baking with us

She taught me to value education

She taught me to treat my children fairly, she was always very even handed with my brother and I

She thinks she always has my back but her first question if I came to her about someone who upset me was 'what did you do' - which is fine when you are 5yrs old and telling tales but she still does it now. Sometimes you don't want to hear 'the other side' you just want support! I'm going to try and make sure that my dc know that I will always side with them (although if they have done the wrong thing by someone I will show them how to try and fix it - I'm not one of those gawd-awful parents can't believe their child ever does wrong)

She's always been slightly disappointed with the career I chose because she did the same thing and didn't enjoy it.

Overall the positives outweigh the negatives and I love her to bits (note to Mum if you're reading this: I'd love you EVEN more if you'd just admit you were wrong once in a while, no-one is right ALL the time!)

Unconditional and equal love to her children. Not to stay in a relationship that is harmful. To protect her children and soldier on even through difficult times for their security. To allow her children to make their own choices and encourage them wholeheartedly. I hope I'm half the mum she is

Some lovely comments about lovely mums here amongstsome very sad experiences. My kids are at the age where they think I'm the best. I hope I can sustain that in the long term - it feels so precarious.

She has always been lots of fun.
My mum gave me great self confidence and no matter what, she would always be proud of me. She showed me unconditional love and how important it was to be hard working to have the finer things in life (working 2 jobs) she was never strict, very fair and gave me a few life lessons.

"Never expect anything and you'll never be disappointed."

"Make your own happiness, don't depend on someone else to make you happy."

My mum taught me to be a strong, independent woman and take no shit. Be honest ALWAYS. She taught me morals.

She was/is always THERE! School plays, school sports day, heartbreaks... And now scans Etc.

In my teenage years she spent a lot of time running around after me and being a taxi service but I've always appreciated her.
I've got her personality and can laugh at most things, even myself.

I phone her or try and see her daily.
She is my best friend & is going to be an amazing nan to my twins. If I'm half the mother she is, I'll be very happy.

She was there for me. Always. Even when I left home. Even when we argued.
Wish she was here now, so I could be there for her.

My mum has a phenomenally positive outlook on life. She is fun, feisty, loving, kind, generous and has been an inspiring role model. She's not perfect (who is) and she's evolved these characteristics over the years, like a fine wine, getting better with age so there's hope for me yet!

She counts her blessings and makes the most of life, not taking anything for granted. She's got great perspective and doesn't sweat the small stuff.

She taught me to be strong :) Would love her for anything .

She was a working mother

She wanted me to do well at school.

She did support me after a bad break up.

She had NPD which led me to losing myself in books, finding my own path in life, leaving my homeland, seeking education, therapy and eventually developing a much deeper understanding and empathy for the human condition.

I will one day find the compassion necessary to forgive her. I'm a mother now and find it incredible that I survived her, but I did.

Everything. My mum is an angel. The only thing she never taught me was how to live without her, one day.

Absolutely nothing!

My mum loved me and my siblings and was a lovely, kind mum when I was small – I’ve got happy memories of her playing games with us, and encouraging us to read and draw.
Growing up though, I became increasingly aware that she's a very bitter, jealous, resentful, bitchy person, which I was NEVER aware of as a young child, and I find her self-centredness very wearing. I’ll never forget her remarks to me when, ‘consoling’ me as a student after I failed my 2nd year exams in a professional degree and had to leave university: “How do you think I feel, I’ve had to tell all my friends that you’ve failed your exams??!!”
Now I’m a mum myself, I see her shortcomings all the more clearly, and it makes me quite sad. We get along, but couldn’t be described as close and she's not very loving towards my children (which riles me, she makes it very clear that when she looks after them it's to help ME, which I know is a kindness of sorts, but they pick up the vibes from her that they’re a burden/a chore and as they get older they prefer not to spend time with granny and actively avoid her company).
It helps that my DH and I can laugh about her behaviour, and make jokes about some of her more insensitive, outrageous comments, but I try to turn it around and use her as an example of how NOT to behave. I’m not perfect though, and I’m sure my kids despair of me at times......

Lots of interesting posts here but I thought yours was particularly striking Skinny - you sound like a very strong person to have got to where you are now.
Like many I feel I've learnt from both the good and the bad less good
Compassion can be very helpful I agree

I can hand on heart say that my mother and father did everything right. I can't think of one area where they let us down as kids. Not a single thing.

She taught by example the value in adventure and fun. She has a great sense of the ridiculous and a good sense of humour. She always made adventures for us.

My mother and father taught by example the value of integrity. They are quietly honourable and honest people.

My mother is a very kind woman and she taught me empathy for others. I am not naturally empathetic but I am grateful to my mother for modelling kindness to me. I am not Christian but I respect her Christianity and the values that it has taught me.

She also modelled very healthy body image. She never cared a jot about her appearance. Basically, she taught that self-consciousness and appearance-obsession is a waste of time - you may as well be doing something fun like wave surfing or collecting shells or having a debate about something interesting. This attitude runs throughout her family - her mother and her sisters are all the same. Fantastic women, all of them.

She sounds amaznig Kiwiinkits and your dad too.

Such an interesting range of experiences.

My mother isn't perfect and I felt she was quite critical of me in some ways - but she did try to rein it in and she dumped a lot less criticism on me than she received growing up. So Larkin, people can sometimes hand on a bit less misery than they were handed in their turn.

She fed us healthy food and made us brush our teeth religiously. She's not very huggy, but there was never any doubt that she loved us. She told me I was intelligent and let me do less than my share of the housework so I could do schoolwork instead. She's always expected me to achieve great things.

She's a very private person, but she showed me by example that you can have a rich interior life even when other people around you don't necessarily get it. And sometimes you can find your people later in life who do get it.

And she adores dd.

What my Mum has done right is to love me unconditionally which I haven't always appreciated; but actually she has always been there for me.

We have had rows but we both get upset when we row because we are actually very close.

She has also brought me up right - to be polite, kind, hard working.

She has been very supportive while I've been unwell with mental health problems even though it has scared her at times I feel. She helps me a lot with day to day tasks when I'm not so well.

Taught me unconditional love, loyalty, importance of family, to forgive and forget, to work hard and to celebrate every special occasion to the max!

When I was 11 and I started going on long walks with my best friend she didn't worry or tell me not to she bought me a big dog. I could go anywhere but I had to take my dog with me. Me and my dog didn't fit in my single bed, and I kept falling out so she bought me a double bed. I loved that dog! Different times....

My mother gave me great freedoms when I was young. I was allowed to roam the streets when I was 4 years old unsupervised but with my 3 yo friend as company- wandering the streets of a rough council estate.
We certainly had some adventures- teenagers making up pick up broken glass, a man or two showing us his erect penis, playing in the white asbestos snow of a still smouldering rubbish fire.

Oh what fun we had.