What did your mother do RIGHT?

[katiekatie]

...when you were growing up?

I wish our mothers could read this thread and understand how valued they are (realise not everyone has had a positive story to tell). Especially with Mothering Sunday coming up….

She was, and still is, selfless and generous. Has always helped everyone without expecting payment or thanks. As a consequence, she never really had a lot of money. Karma has been very kind to her in that she is now in a very strong financial position.

She worked hard to keep house and cleaned, decorated and gardened tirelessly.

I moan about her but she's a pretty good egg reallly.

Lots and lots of things, but just one example: she got her own issues with food under control so well that I was barely aware of them, and didn't inherit them. Gave me strong, healthy attitudes to eating and body image, which I am so grateful for. I didn't realise until I was grown up how hard she had worked to break the cycle on that stuff.

Fuck all TBH.

Maybe a bit harsh. She was good at the practical stuff like making sure we had clean uniform for school, packed lunch etc.

She was just shit at everything else. Failed to stop our dad molesting us even after being told point blank "he's molesting me". Refused to let me get any outside help. Basically told me to put up and shut up and I was making a fuss about nothing.

Taught us by example that you should just believe all the abusive shit your partner says/does and keep taking him back no matter what he does.

Always managed to give the impression that having fun was somehow immoral or "silly".

Never let us express any negative emotions. If we were sad that was "silly", if we were angry that was "rude".

so basically the thing she did right was to show me what not to do

quite a lot! Role model because she worked in a technical medical job, and was adding to her skills at regular intervals. Brought us up (as a team with my father) not to be sheep but to think for ourselves. Love of reading, lots of affection and encouragement to make the best of ourselves. And many other things.

appreciate her even more after reading some of this. But still not doing Mother's Day, she isn't bothered either.

I raise a cup of tea (it being morning) to them both.

Sounds very 1950's and she wasn't that wholesome type of mum, but we always had three good meals a day and ate as a family (even if it was on our knees in the livingroom).

Odd thread, since it assumes most of what she did was wrong?

She did her best. What more do you want?

many things, too many to write in a post. She is my best friend, my comforter in times of need, my strength when I'm feeling weak and my joy when I'm feeling down.

she's always there for me. and does so without passing judgement or ill word.

She is far from perfect and has made mistakes but none significant enough for me to hold it against her. I love her.

oh shit that sounds like a hallmark card sorry.

My mum gently and gradually turned my alcoholic and disconnected father into a sort of joke. This made it easier when he eventually did slope off, though I do wish she'd kicked him out rather than wait for him to make the decision.

I do like the honesty and overall balance on this thread ... not too hallmark cardy in spite of your post above Ginger

But it might be good for me to think about DM's best bits for a change ....

OK, she is very kind especially in terms of generosity - always sending me the odd tenner for this or that reason. She can be quite thoughtful but could be a better listener

By going to Uni herself, working throughout our teens as a teacher, and always throwing herself into a wide variety of projects which interested her, she set me a good example of being a woman in many ways - though I've added many of my own variations to that basic model!

She showed me a lot of things about raising a family and running a home though the second part is neither of our fortes - we get by though

She has been a lovely granny to all her grandchildren and this has added a new dimension to our relationship too.

Basically it is (generally) a blessing to have a Mum. I should appreciate her more - especially now I know how challenging it can be

My mum was a feminist politician and a very strong woman.She coped with a late and unexpected pregnancy brilliantly.My baby brother was born 2 weeks before the election in which she was the sitting candidate so she put him in a carrycot,bunged him in the back if a Morris Travler and campaigned.Not advised these days but it was in 1962. In 1968 when I was 15 I had a lovely boyfriend that even mum liked She took me to our old family doctor to be prescribed something that wasn't available in her day ....... The Pill.Well I married the lovely boyfriend and mum went on to achieve the top job in her career in local politics.She died 12 years ago but has left behind a troop of strong,capable and very happy women ie daughters grand daughters and great grand daughters.Thanks mum.

Aww, that's lovely maras, so inspiring. Your DM sounds awesome. I had an old Morris back in the day, sadly not a Travler though

She made me very independent, and for that I'm grateful.

Thanks juggling My dad was pretty cool too.They often fought like cat and dog but only over the politics of the day ie.Suez and Cuban Missile crisis.

My childhood taught me (rather than DM) to become very independent, stand on my own two feet and never rely on or let a man grind me down

She taught me to knit and sew and cook
She didn't criticise me or put me under pressure to achieve

She put me in boarding school - given how much she hates me it was the right thing to do (I doubt I would have lived to see my 18th birthday is she hadn't).

She taught me, by horrific example, that being a mother and being a mum/mama/etc were very different things. Blood and love don't have to be linked.

Valued education very much and encourages my sisters and I to aim high.(She was a SAHM completely devoted to the family).

Self-respect - sleeping around would be unacceptable, having boyfriends, going out to parties and having fun was all okay, but always keeping your dignity intact - I wish this message would be given to girls today rather than the free love for all that gets them nowhere.

Very healthy lifestyle is important - alcohol was drank only during celebrations, meals always from scratch and with the right balance of vegetables, protein and carbs, treats were lovely as well, but in moderation, I continue with this same lifestyle now that I am a mum (she probably could have encouraged more group sport though).

A sense of adventure - travel - enjoy.

Other things she didn't do well, and I think looking back she probably could have done with some therapy, but she is brilliant.

I struggled to think of things when I first looked at the thread. My mum is narcisstic and messed up but deep down I know she loves me. She's damaged herself because of her childhood and ultimately because of the neglect she encountered she was never given the right tools to parent.

Sometimes we can rise above our upbringing and become the kind of parent we never had but in my mum's case parenting was something she really struggled with. She was always affectionate with us though as this was something she said she never received and even though i'm not a very huggy demonstrative person I make a similar effort with my kids.

That kindness costs nothing.

Oh Andro i'm so sorry what a terrible thing for you to bear. I've had issues with my mum over the years but yours is on a different scale to mine.

I've really struggled to come up with something, because I have a lot of repressed rage about the things that she got wrong.

But she was always physically there. I could always rely on her to be around, and for there to be food to eat (if I did have to cook it myself) and clothes to wear (even if I didn't like them much).

Also, for letting me have a wonderful relationship with my granny, her MIL. They did not get on at all (I've only realised this very recently because she hid it so well) and she had lost my grandma her DM when I was small. But she had the maturity and vision to make sure my granny and I saw each other as often as possible, even though we lived 500+ miles apart.

bakingaddict - ironically, she managed to give me the right midset to be mama to 2 orphaned children (mama being the title they gave me, mum and dad still belong to their birth parents). I'll never be a mother, but I hope I'm a good mama.

There was always a book, and another book, waiting to be read.

She taught me a lot about the importance of self-love and gave me a very healthy self-esteem. She also made me wildly optimistic, which I am grateful for every day. Thank you, mum.