I want to leave my wife

[sapphiresdad]

I can't tell anyone

I have wanted out for years. we don't get on, I know this sounds awful but I don't like her, she doesn't like me much, in the evenings we sit in separate rooms watching different TVs and most nights I fall asleep on the sofa as I just don't want to share a bed. I don't fancy her and the thought of sex with her turns my stomach...she says horrible things to me and puts me down all the time. Even in front of the children. I don't get why she even wants to be with me if I am so shit. I am scared if I leave she will make it hard for me to see them, as she thinks if a man leaves his wife that's it, he has "left his family" and doesn't deserve the title "dad" or to see his kids. She has said as much when couples we know have split.

I loved her at the start but we were very young and tbh I got pushed into getting married. We were early 20's, she was pregnant and it was the right thing to do. I thought this was what happened in life. We bought a house and she wanted baby number 2. I didn't as I was already unhappy. But she got caught with dc2. I suspect she wasn't on the pill. I love my children and don't regret them but they are the only thing keeping me here. The mortgage is massive, we are in debt and I am doing 60 hour weeks just to keep our heads above water. I have a second job at weekends, I feel like I am drowning. MY dc are 10 and 14 and she stopped work when she was pregnant with # 1 and she still doesn't work, she doesn't want to and when I have suggested it she gets angry with me.

Here's where you are going to lose any sympathy you might have had. I have fallen in love with someone else, she is a single mum to a 4 year old and works at my place. I have known her a couple of years as work colleagues but a couple of weeks ago we both admitted we had feelings for each other. Absolutely nothing has happened as we both want to wait until I am free, she knows I am married and knows I am unhappy but she (understandably) is sceptical that I would actually leave. But I would. For the first time ever, I have met someone I want to marry, to have a family with, to love forever. I am 37, am married, I have children already...The timings are wrong

she is amazing, kind, clever, funny, independent, hard working. I have never felt like this before not even as a teenager. If I don't sort my life out she will tell me to get lost. Everyone at work likes her, the women love her and the men all fancy her. She will be snapped up, she is 27 and stunning but most of all a lovely person. And if I leave my wife I will lose my children, my home, everything

I just need some advice, I can't carry on like this

Yes, I get wanting to leave somebody!! I left somebody!! He was very shocked. Angry. Upset.

But I left knowing that I'd made mistakes. One of my mistakes was choosing the wrong man obviously but another mistake was allowing him to relegate my job, a part of my identity and my future, I allowed him to reduce what I'd worked for and that security of mine to a money in versus money out equation. The assumption that my job wasn't worth more than breaking even. And if he'd been less selfish with more respect for my security and my future that might have worked for us (it works for other couples and Im not knockinng it).

I wanted to be part of a team. A real team effort. Where your sacrifices are acknowledged and the husband and wife are a unit, with a common goal. They can't always both have what they want at the same time, but each acknowledges when the other is making a sacrifice, and values that sacrifice. I would have loved to have met a real man. But I met a selfish user.

I know nothing about this subject/have no personal experience and this may not be relevant to your situation, but I just thought I would post a quick anecdote from the school run last year.

A couple we had all known from nursery through to year six had split up when their child was in about year 3 or 4. There was no one else involved, they had just grown apart.

Anyway, a year or so later, both of them had lost weight, got new interests, met new friends, (one of them had a new job) and they both looked happier and more vibrant and both of them confided to dh and me separately that they wished they had turned their lives around before they had split up.

Obviously, every case is different and it may be too late for your marriage (it's very easy for people to get in a rut once dc come along), but agree with poster who said you may be more invested in the marriage than you think and whatever you may think to the contrary, you have contributed to this current situation and need to take responsibility for your part in it.

In short, you owe it to your dc to explore every avenue with your wife before taking up with someone new.

in that case, they both reached the same epiphany at the same time and that rarely happens!

I have no regrets about leaving my x, and "breaking up the family" as not all families are functional. But it's important to have self-awareness, to be able to see the repercussions of your own choices. My x had none, he still has none!

Yes, it rarely happens but my point is that maybe it should happen more!

(Obviously not judging your personal situation here urbanefox every case is different)

Agree about personal awareness and repercussions.

hey, my name is peter i have being married for almost one year.The reason for me marrying her was because my wife got pregant,i didnt love and i still dont love her.

she miscarriage,we are now two of us no baby in the equation i feel that this is the right moment to leave her,or should i give her more time to heal

Peter you will get more replies if you start your own thread.

I'm not sure there's ever a right time to leave someone, from their perspective. If you're sure the marriage is over then you should leave.

If your wife is so vicious (as you say), you might find she enjoys leaving the kids with you and your young hottie whilst she goes out and finds love again ... maybe a 25 year okd hunk

Maybe like my Wife she just does not listen, it goes in one earhole and out the other! Sorry but some women can be a bitch.

zombie thread.

How, and why did you resurrect it Brian28 ?