Sensible perspective please

[jugglingmonkey]

I'm going to sound like a fruit loop I'm sure, but please bear with me and let me have your honest opinions - all will be greatly appreciated.

History: DH and I together almost three years, young DS 15 months. DH much older, whirlwind romance turned good.

Situation: I cannot get it out of my head that DH has a bit of an infatuation on someone at his work (she has actually recently left his office). A few trivial but odd incidents left me thinking this, a gut feel if you like.

I explained this to DH more than once. I explained how his odd behaviour was making me feel, and he assured me they just got on well, but that she was 'pig ugly' and just a great friend. Anyway, I've since clocked this girl and she is far from ugly.

A bit of a final straw came late last year when DH lied to me about who he'd been out with after work, said it was just the boys but then I saw a message on his phone from her saying she was on her way (albeit with another male colleague). I got rather upset, he understood, and said that as she was leaving, it was the last to do with the matter. He'd not told me that she'd been in the pub because 'You'd get upset'.

Tonight, he's come home and announced that he's going out with her and a mutual friend next week. All recollection of our previous conversations about this have been forgotten it seems. WTF?? I want to trust him, and I really do. He says he thought it was done and dusted, that it was ok now... Could he really forget everything we talked about just a few months ago?

Weird.

So, we have history then, Higgle ? You have hung on to a comment I made once. That explains it I guess.

RO, are you drunk ?

Gawd

I hardly think AF needs defending but sometimes someone needs a nudge when they're making themselves look daft. You could have been having a go at anyone and I would say the same. Getting yourself het up having a relentless pop at a poster, derailing someone else's thread isn't really done is it?

Blimey, what the hell is going on here?

AF has been a great contributor to the Relationships board and while that doesn't give her or anyone else cult status or the ability to see through walls or anything else, re-reading what she's actually saying will usually make you realise she's not far out with her assessment.

And ration, you are making a fool of yourself here.

God what a warped and angry individual

I am fairly new to mumsnet, don't know AF or anything about her, but from what I have read I am fairly sure she doesn't needs posse to handle herself

If you could manage to read through your bitterness and anger you would see that I have tried mainly to answer the ops post...you however have tried to steer the post away from the op and turn it into a personal vendetta. I am fed up with you on this thread because your behavior is detracting from the ops issues not because you are attacking AF...as I said I think she would eat you for breakfast

Friendships with members of the opposite sex are perfectly fine as far as I'm concerned. My DH is friends with women, I'm friends with men. All is groovy. I definitely wouldn't dictate to my DH whom he could be friends with, and I wouldn't put up with it if he tried to do that to me.

However, I'd be really unhappy about the lying in this case. I don't necessarily buy the "trust your instincts" advice (instincts can very easily be completely wrong). But if the OP's DH is deliberately hiding information and misleading the OP, that does sound rather worrying.

AnyBadword

You say " It's not me that is messing about with OP's marriage "

You have acted as judge, jury and executioner. You even seem to know exactly what he is thinking / fantasising about. I think the best I can do for OP's marriage is to show that not everyone agrees with you (and your acolytes).

Hey Acolytes!! I don't use BAD WORDS but... "ner ner ner na ner ner"!!!!

That told you!

Am not really sure how having a go at me is helping the OP.

Who perhaps not coincidentally appears to have done a runner.

I don't need anybody to defend but thank you anyway

defend me

I keep missing out words as I attempt to type whilst sobbing into my lace handkerchief.

Ah so in your world people who agree with each other are acolytes....

Your so right that told me, I am away to look deep into myself and analyze why I would agree with anyone else but you

God, this is like the old days of the internet where someone would crash into a chatroom or forum and act like a complete dickhead.

Ration (a misnomer if ever there was one) a forum like this is a social place where people are familiar with each other. The Relationships forum is a supportive environment. Many men are complete tossers and the OPs need reminding that their partners are acting in an abusive or selfish way. Other times it's the OP who's being unreasonable or selfish.

You have come barging in causing a fight on another woman's thread. Don't you think that's selfish? Unsupportive? What's your rationale for this?

Anybadword

Please I hope you can get over your level of devastation

From
Your very very bestest acolyte

Your precise words from earlier.." he wants more, he is fantasising about more or he has already had more "

That comes across as pretty hectoring to me. You have taken the limited number of facts that OP has posted here and told yourself and OP, in no uncertain terms, exactly what her husband wants and what he is even thinking about.

How can you be so sure?

Christina, I think I may get over it

As long as you keep agreeing with every word I say. Remember though, people have been put to death for less.

ration

Your contribution has been to sing a song and attack other posters

AF

Can we meet at playtime

So OP is clearly worried and anxious. I thought she need reassurance and support. AnyBadword (and the majority of others) seem to suggest there is only one course of action. I am willing to put forward an alternative. It's all OK. You don't have to be mean and cwoss.

I'll pull your pigtails, you pull mine.

Your contribution has been to sing a song and attack other posters

I think you'll find there is a lot wisdom in songs sung by The King.
"Attack other posters".. heaven forfend!! This is something that AnyBadword has NEVER done. I should learn from her.

You thought she needed reassurance and support, rationaloptimist? Is that why you sang her a song?

I've just re-read your posts, rationaloptimist. In two you were singing and in the others you were slagging off another poster.

Maybe you should reread them yourself?

Oh and stop with the baby talk - it makes you look like a twat.

< snort >

Don't feed it everyone. He clearly thinks we are a bunch of silly little wimmins (you can tell by the misspelling of 'cross')

Perhaps a verse of Old Shep to finish off the evening?

A fitting finale, I reckon