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Original poster

Is splitting the only advice people on here are ever capable of?

654 replies

MrsCs · 21/02/2015 23:16

When someone is being abused, or someone is unfaithful, fine I get it, that's good advice.

On the other hand.....I've only been on this website a short time and every blinking thread about relationship problems gets 'why are you together?' 'what are you getting from this?'.

Relationships are hard work, they have good times and bad times, and it might help if people on here had a bit of creativity with their advice! Separations and divorces are very hard on everyone involved, and if it can be avoided it's most likely for the best, unless a couple are genuinely deeply unhappy.

OP posts:
Twinklestein · 25/02/2015 14:10

Fwiw I didn't think your posts were nasty Frank, just a bit tragic and didn't prove what you claimed.

Twinklestein · 25/02/2015 14:12

Men who rape women are labelled rapists. Bullies are labelled bullies. Nothing to do with feminism kris

krismint1 · 25/02/2015 14:13

One might be the rapist in your eyes. He should be taken to court if he is.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 25/02/2015 14:16

I'm very proud to be a feminist. I think most people (male or female) are generally decent. I do not judge that anyone is a bully or a rapist without good reason and I don't think I've ever called someone a - what was it? - 'fucktard' in my life.

BathtimeFunkster · 25/02/2015 14:18

And using terms like "fucktard" on MN is likely to see you barbecued in the flames coming your way.

Disablism is not welcome here at all.

I think you must be getting confused with a different forum :)

sliceofsoup · 25/02/2015 14:19

It's seems to be an expectation on this site for a "perfect man" which everyone knows doesn't exist.

No one on here claims there are perfect men. Only that there are basic standards that anyone in a relationship should expect.

PetulaGordino · 25/02/2015 14:20

"fucktard" is not an acceptable term on MN and i have never seen anyone use that without being told in no uncertain terms that it is completely unacceptable (it would likely result in deletion)

as chris said, bullies are bullies, rapists are rapists. there are plenty of women on MN who don't identify as feminists as well as many who do.

Twinklestein · 25/02/2015 14:23

I've not seen any expectations for a 'perfect man'.

I've seen women with very bad experiences and very low expectations of men reassured by posters that better men exist. Perfect, no. I've never seen anyone claim perfect men exist any more than perfect women.

Anniegetyourgun · 25/02/2015 14:27

It's been said before, even on this very thread: the majority of posters here do not hate men. (Hell, some of the most respected regulars on here are men.) We have husbands, boyfriends, sons, brothers, fathers, workmates and good friends who are men, and we're very fond of them for the most part. What the majority of posters here don't have time for are people who behave abusively (some of whom are women - check out the Stately Homes thread for some stories about mothers that would make your hair stand on end). We have no time for bullies, cheats, liars, freeloaders, tightwads and rapists. That's not being prickly for the sake of it, it's standing up for decent standards in society - starting with one's own family unit. Frankly there isn't enough of it about.

krismint1 · 25/02/2015 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Twinklestein · 25/02/2015 14:38

Why are posting a thread from a poster who's not even in this discussion kris? A poster, who, if you read the thread, has considerable problems with an very unpleasant partner.

BathtimeFunkster · 25/02/2015 14:40

The thing that makes MN unusual is not that we hate men.

But that we really like women.

We think they are important and clever and funny and capable and that they matter and should be treated well.

And we are pretty insistent about that.

We don't concede that women should spend their lives compromising to make men happy or wasting energy "working" on relationships that don't make them happy.

I suppose if you think everything is always about men, you might imagine that our attitudes are inspired by our feelings for men.

But the reality is, it's not about men. It's about women and what is right and best for them. We want women to be happy.

Wanting women to be happy doesn't imply that you want men to be sad.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 25/02/2015 14:42

It's posts like that one BathtimeFunkster that bring a tear to my eye and make me wish for a 'like' button... :)

sliceofsoup · 25/02/2015 14:44

Wow. I think I love you a little bit after that post Bath. :o

Very very well said. Sums it up perfectly.

Isetan · 25/02/2015 14:50

BathtimeFunkster, exactly!

frankbough · 25/02/2015 14:50

Twinks,....I didn't even know that people actually thought like that.. And that's the only reason it stuck in my mind...

frankbough · 25/02/2015 14:55

But what does being happy mean.. ???

DeliciousMonster · 25/02/2015 14:56

Bathtime. Yes. Precisely.

AmyElliotDunne · 25/02/2015 15:04

Bath Flowers and ((())) , beautifully put. Feminism in general isn't about the men, it's about women, like so little else in society. Men try to make it about us hating them so that yet again he focus is on them, because not being part of the discussions odd to them!

MN is about women helping and advising other women, along with some men who understand how to interact in a female dominated space without being a dick.

As for being happy, it means that your face generally looks like this Grin when thinking of and spending time with your dp or DH rather than like this Sad

Fwiw I left my XH after some splendid advice on here, the regular posters pointing out that things I thought were my fault or 'just how men are' were completely unreasonable and i didn't have to tolerate it, despite a 14 year marriage and 3 DCs.

I have a wonderful dp who treats me completely differently, we still have our ups and downs, but 99% of the time my face looks like this Smile so it is a good relationship for me. If at any point I start to look more like this Sad and he isn't willing to help to turn that frown upside down, I shall LTB as is my right. Thanks to MN I have the confidence to expect a happy and carefree life for myself and my DCs.

Lweji · 25/02/2015 15:05

Yes, where is the like button?

Is splitting the only advice people on here are ever capable of?
CogitoErgoSometimes · 25/02/2015 15:05

"But what does being happy mean.. "

You'll know it when it happens. If you don't know what it means, you're probably not happy. Sorry

Anniegetyourgun · 25/02/2015 15:10

Beautifully put, Bathtime .

"What does being happy mean?" Well we all have our own definitions, don't we? Not being knocked around, physically or emotionally, is quite a solid starting point I find.

PetulaGordino · 25/02/2015 15:14

"What does being happy mean?"

that question is pure diversion and a refusal to engage with excellent posts like bathtime's where time and care has been taken to explain and enlighten

TheHoneyBadger · 25/02/2015 15:19

if you're sexually attracted to someone you'll undoubtedly like whatever they like? wow. that's an interesting version of sexuality you have there. kind of sounds like your pleasure is of the second hand nature rather than having developed a first hand experience sexuality of your own. note i said 'kind of' and 'sounds like'. but, wow. what it brings to mind for me is the kind of alledgedly 'sexual' experiences of my youth.

krismint1 · 25/02/2015 15:36

thehoneybadger I can't be bothered discussing my view on sex with a man with you (aka self appointed expert on sexuality). There are millions of women out there and I would assume their likes and dislikes are different. My pleasure is not the second nature for me. I take the pleasure from making the man happy in bed. His pleasure makes me happy.
I would assume you would agree that it stands for man as well. Making a woman happy in bed is his pleasure too. Sounds kind of right to me?