I can't even tell anyone in real life what I am going to post here because I'm ashamed of myself but I feel really bad and just want some advice on how to fix it.
I am 37 and had a really bad experience two years ago when I found my then fiance on a dating website looking for casual sex among other things. He had a whole secret double life of prostitute use and webcam sex. I found he'd been on there for a over a year, a few months before he proposed and had just been a completely diferrent person to the lovely man I thought he was.
I had to cancel the wedding and spent a long time in counselling. I am feeling much stronger. I got myself back together, got a great new job, built myself a wonderful social life, lost a lot of weight and re-did my hair, bought a whole new wardrobe and generally took care of myself and feel good again and am enjoying life a lot.
I have dated 4 people since then. The first two I was still not ready and the third was not a good fit.
The fourth one came along and I really thought it was going wonderful but have completely ruined it and want some advice on how to fix it, or if it is best to walk away and chalk it down to a loss.
I was out with friends and I could see him staring at me across the bar and he came over to talk to me eventually and took my number. He phoned me the same night to ask me out. We ended up talking on the phone and he was quite lovely really and I started to like him back. He seemed to "get" me and the first date we had just went on for hours and passed in seconds and the second date was the same.
He was very into me, doing all the right things. He called every day, he was asking all the time when the next date could happen. He said the time couldn't pass quick enough. He was letting me know he thought about me as soon as he woke up. We were just getting on great and I was full of butterflies.
He invited me out with his friends on Valentines day and said he'd told them all about me.
Then it all went wrong. I was with a friend setting her up a dating profile two weeks ago and I could not believe it when we searched for men for her and the man I was dating who seemed so lovely and so into me appeared! I was just bowled over with shock, and it said he had been online that day!
I asked him directly about it, and he said that he had put it up before we met and that he checked it out of habit or something to click on and that there was no one else he was interested in or talking to. He was very insistent that he needed me to believe what he was saying because he did not want doubts over something silly to ruin what looked to be something potentially wonderful. He told me I had no competition at all and he liked me very much and wanted to keep seeing me and only me.
Anyway, I just couldn't let it go, so found myself checking constantly and getting completely paranoid if he was online on whataspp and not texting me or if he checked his dating profile :( It ended in me sending him a very long and totally embarrassing email telling him I didn't believe him for a second that there was no one else and to never come near me again.
Reading back that email that was two pages long (the horror) it was all basically words I wnated to direct at my ex, and they were not meant for this man at all. We had not had any talk about being exclusive, and I was totally unreasonable and acted like a mad person.
He only replied in a very short message to say it was a shame, but if that was what I wanted he would respect my wishes.
I was mortified afterwards and realised he'd not done anything wrong so after a week of blanking him, I messaged him to tell him I was sorry, that I had some scars on me from my past and that made me perhaps a bit delicate and untrusting and that I really regretted what I did.
I asked him if he would consider please going out with me again because I regretted ending it. He said yes of course, and it was all right and not to worry about it.
The problem is, that was four days ago and he's not called or texted to suggest a day. He is away right now on a course and he is back on Saturday and he's not made any suggestion about seeing me.
In fact, he doesn't text me at all anymore, or call. He does reply to my texts instantly (I have been very sparing with them so as not to make things worse) but he responds only with short responses like "sounds lovely x" and obviously there's a very clear shift in his interest level.
I am just unsure what to do. I liked this man very much, and I know I have blown it and really made a bad impression of myself but I am honestly a good person, honestly not desperate but I do genuinely want to see him again and have a chance to put this right.
He knows a very small part of my history, but I obviously missed out the details. I just said I was engaged once and he turned out to be a cheat. That was it.
Should I suggest we set a date for the date and actually ask what day is good for him? Even thought it is obvious he is no longer that keen? He might be just being polite saying he still wants to go out with me?
Or should I leave him alone and hope he contacts me? The last two days I did not text him at all and he has not texted me, even though I have seen him online multiple times. It's pretty clear he's gone off me.
I do really want to be able to have a relationship again, and feel so bad that I reacted like this.
Please tell me how to play this.