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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

HOBBITS BAR - still finding it hard to move on ......(part 3)

999 replies

greenberet · 15/02/2015 12:08

here we go ladies & drifting dogs welcome too of the harvey kind!

grab your drinks - Brew, Wine and izzietinis dependant on time of day & how we are feeling

Original thread

Part two

anyone welcome, new, old, lurkers we share with you all.
no requirements re posting as & when, one offs, rants, extreme rants, blubbing we dont mind, we've done it all .

we like songs, we like pics, we like humour, we like the words "twunts" and "fuckwittery" & we send each other Flowers often!

Our motto KOKO and our theme tune

join us Smile

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9
Izzie595 · 18/02/2015 14:36

Yes, we will all move on

www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLWSNFUoLhQ

Original poster
greenberet · 18/02/2015 20:21

when you have read numerous articles about emotional abuse and you have told the person involved that you find their behavior abusive - if they do not change what is this? - more abuse or denial?

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Izzie595 · 18/02/2015 20:29

Denial. They are perfect. You are wrong

Izzie595 · 18/02/2015 20:31

How many times have I heard "I don't care what your friends think", and "they don't know me"

Izzie595 · 18/02/2015 20:36

A reply from him re emotional abuse would be along the lines of "ridiculous"

Would probably think it was written by "menopausal women" as he once disparagingly said. This, the man who has taken up with Mrs Howmuchare wepayingforthiswomantotakeupnationalhealthtimegetagriploveandgrowupyousadbasketcase

Izzie595 · 18/02/2015 20:37

Subsequently took up with her. So maybe it's his service to "menopausal women" Grin

strong123 · 18/02/2015 20:56

Hello Green and Izzie (and everyone else) - I think one of his most stupid comments was when we first split up last summer and I started seeing my counsellor. He came to the house one day and saw one of her bills and his comment was "is that all she charges to sit and listen to you - she should be charging double that"

Izzie595 · 18/02/2015 21:02

I'm doing a new tack with him. I'm refusing to be anything other than positive or neutral. Mainly because I refuse to be part of the triangle keeping those two together. Also I want him to realise that I'm not bothered, and I'm the better person, so he's fouled up. It does amuse me when he comes round and sees more stuff done on the house. By Saturday I'm giving it a good clean, so he thinks I'm superwoman. And I will bite my tongue if her name comes up, which it doesn't usually because it's off limits with me. However, if it does I shall just raise my eyebrows and give one of those knowing looks and a slight smile It will kill me because I can't keep my mouth shut Grin.

I'm wondering at what point he will work out that she had a nervous breakdown when he dumped her after six months [her knowing six WEEKS into their rel that I wanted a reconciliation], yet after 32 years I took 8 days off work, no counselling, no medication, just some upset, then some angry texts, and piled into the decorating. Please don't anyone on here think I'm against counselling and medication. I'm NOT. I just think after 6 MONTHS.....FFS he's not God's gift!

Izzie595 · 18/02/2015 21:05

His stupid comment. Two days after telling me he was going to live with Nutty Nora, I had to call him out as there was a big leak. He called round at 10.30 PM. I was painting. He said, "that's late, shouldn't you be getting ready for bed, you've got work tomorrow" WHAT???

Izzie595 · 18/02/2015 21:06

Aha another one a few years ago when he went to Relate: "apparently I'm having a midlife crisis. How corny is that?"

Ha fucking ha

iwashappy · 18/02/2015 21:08

Thank you to everyone for their support last night/this morning, it was really appreciated, thank you. Flowers

Izzie595 · 18/02/2015 21:15

Hi iwas, no probs and hope you read WWK's comments re last night. I'm off to collect DS2. Laughing about twunts mid life crisis comment.

Deckthehallswithdesperation · 18/02/2015 21:15

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Deckthehallswithdesperation · 18/02/2015 21:15

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Izzie595 · 18/02/2015 21:16

Counsellor comment. I wonder the counsellor actually got him to talk about anything. It must have been like pulling teeth

Deckthehallswithdesperation · 18/02/2015 21:20

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Deckthehallswithdesperation · 18/02/2015 21:23

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Deckthehallswithdesperation · 18/02/2015 21:25

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Deckthehallswithdesperation · 18/02/2015 21:26

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iwashappy · 18/02/2015 22:01

WWK Thank you for your post in the early hours. Sid has certainly managed to deceive me before into thinking he was someone decent so he's certainly capable of putting on a convincing act.

I know what you mean about thinking you will tell them something then remembering that everything has changed. I do that a lot.

Sorry you had a shit day too. I wish I could offer you some wise words back but I don't feel I have any at the moment. I hope you are having a better day and thank you. Wine and Cake

WellWhoKnew · 18/02/2015 22:04

No not watching.

He might, once it gets too difficult for him too, move out himself. It's hard to predict. All you can do is take it one day at a time, I'm afraid.

Strong that's a dreadful comment for him to make.

Green I don't think they 'see' that they are doing anything wrong. Mine certainly didn't even when I said stop being so nasty. Just couldn't see it as nasty but is the first to jump and down and cry 'bully' as soon as he gets an email from me...

iwashappy · 18/02/2015 22:30

Whyme the OW will never replace you in your children's lives. Rant away when you need, I hope you had a nice day with your girls today xx

Green thank you for your link, it was very interesting. The thread is really good by the way - well done.

Hobbit thank you for your kind words. I think you have hit the nail on the head with "casual cruelty". He does seem to be making an effort with our daughter, she's staying at the flat tonight so at least he won't be in OWs bed tonight I feel like I would be running away from it if I moved and be leaving it clear for OW to take over my life. Hope you are having a better day today. x

Izzie595 · 18/02/2015 22:35

Deck it sounds like he's not going to accept this at all. Yes it will be tough but you have to keep reminding yourself that this is the final, painful journey towards freedom. I would spend my time dealing with the practicalities for the future, for example if you are likely to move, start having a sort out. Lists of things to be done etc. Are you able to get out for a while, to a friend's for example? I'm so sorry, and it's not fair on you, especially with the background leading to your decision. Keep venting on here

Original poster
greenberet · 18/02/2015 22:38

yet again DH is putting own priorities above that of his kids - seems I now need to be able to perform magic tricks and be in 2 places at once & and all for Sh*g - and I quote" kids are my priority" - oh yes I see !

OP posts:
Original poster
greenberet · 18/02/2015 22:39

if only they were a few years older they could have told him to f88k off like he deserves

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