HOBBITS BAR - still finding it hard to move on ......(part 3)

[greenberet]

here we go ladies & drifting dogs welcome too of the harvey kind!

grab your drinks - , and izzietinis dependant on time of day & how we are feeling

Original thread

Part two

anyone welcome, new, old, lurkers we share with you all.
no requirements re posting as & when, one offs, rants, extreme rants, blubbing we dont mind, we've done it all .

we like songs, we like pics, we like humour, we like the words "twunts" and "fuckwittery" & we send each other often!

Our motto KOKO and our theme tune

join us

"love you so much - know things are tough but you have still been the best mummy"

this is what keeps us going

currently playing

KOKOxx

Ha ha, that's a great card green my lovely, but as I had two caesarians, my fanjo is as pristine as a mouses ear I'll have you know!

Happy Mother's Day to all our contributors on this thread, thanks so much for giving support and advice, especially you WWK I know you're not a mum yourself but you are our honorary "mother" and a very fine one at that.

I know that for a lot of us this Mother's Day has not been the best, we are still dealing with the aftermath of our husband or partners betrayal and we have some way to go before we are are able to feel we are over the worst, but we have our children's love and respect and that counts for a lot, I hope you have all had a nice day.

Hi all

Izzie is back

Normal service has now resumed with me. Easter will always be a difficult time of year for me because of what I will lose eventually and I don't mean Bucket the Blob and it surfaced over the last few days and today. And then, Mothers Day, my son's words on my card, the way it touched us both; the way my other son told me he had bought me bath products because I need to have a rest.......I realise that I would throw away ten times the amount of my loss to have my sons. If they can deal with it, then so can I.

It's been a good day today, a quick scoot round a few shops, getting Easter bits, being independent, realising actually I'm quite happy shopping by myself now etc etc. resting at home. Kids come back from work and sport, usual lively atmosphere. And I realise yet again that I used to organise all the "events", and the three of us created the lively atmosphere. Another reason to call him Blob, ie the lump of lard sitting there.

Green which holiday do they start treatment? Easter or summer? Very frustrating to lose that sun time, but the sooner you start etc. The next holiday will be the sweeter for it

WWK thinking of you and breathing deeply for you. Will this be like tenpin bowling? Mrs C's OW up tomorrow, and SW the next day. And we've already seen Why's twunt fuming in court.

bobs hope your head is ok after your gallivanting. At least any headache is as the result of a good time, as opposed to twat time

Hobbit I understand re change of address. Mine moved straight in with her. But actually finding out he had "changed postal address" was .......

iwas hope you've had a good time today and last night. Talking about Sid's deliberate spiteful acts has got me pondering more on Bucket daBlob's stuff that I hadnt really considered before. Not pondering too deeply though, I refuse to give him any more head space.

I've thought about Bucket's behaviour the other day. I know he was like that during the nightmare years. I was thinking I didn't tackle him as much as I would have done because I felt blindsided, trying to save my marriage. And I suppose he felt entitled to do so, knowing that he had a choice. That's the end of that thought. I know how I work, I will work it all out eventually, but I also know that only time will give me the definitive perspective, so I'm not going to stress about it. In fact, Im just going to focus on the enjoyable bits in my life, ie everything apart from thoughts of him and maybe going to work

Meantime, the builder has replied to my text suggesting other dates. I've texted the Bucket to tell him I can do any of those, and that if he wants to come along, he is to let me know by early tomorrow morning. So I predict:

1. I will get a text very very late or very very early about it. Keep me waiting....
2. He will mention my "unacceptable" texts. To which I will reply that they are only unacceptable as they point out to him his unacceptable behaviour, which he would rather is whitewashed
3. He will query the bank transfer I have made and get arsey for my unilaterally moving funds without having the decency to let him know
4. Fingers crossed here.....I will rise above the comments. Actually, I think I will.

I am living in my home with my two sons. And if I move, I will still be living in my home with my two sons.

Whatever else we are putting up with, whatever else we may lose, fellow mums, we already have the most priceless products of our marriages.

KOKO xx

Paddling on the joys of motherhood when they are young! Just think of it as good prep for the teenage years......

As a single woman, I'm less bothered about asking for help now. I no longer feel an idiot when I ask things in shops, eg which way round do I put the credit card in etc. Sod it, people are happy to help if it's appreciated and you give them a smile.

I look at couples and I do wonder if they are actually happy....on the basis that most of the people I know and know of are not actually happy at all. And I think to myself, at least I don't have to go home with that miserable git

Paddling you probably made the waitress' day. She would have felt good about helping you.

Whatever else we are putting up with, whatever else we may lose, fellow mums, we already have the most priceless products of our marriages.

I typed this out earlier on here. Then thought better of it. But now I'm typing it again.

This is what I woke up to this morning, alongside a huge bunch of roses!

...............................

Mum,

I don't say this often enough but I'm grateful for everything you have done for me. Especially in this past year. Not only have you supported me through some of my irrational choices, but you have given me attention and guidance which has helped me to establish a sense of logic and reason behind the decisions that I'm starting to make as an adult.

You encouraged me to go to (name of uni) .... and it proved to be a right decision. Whenever I think of my time at university, I will always remember you and all you did for me.

I know it's not easy, and after all these years you still put me and (his sister) first. We would be completely lost without you. You are a role model to us both and we love you very much.

Happy Mother's Day!

....................

That's so lovely of your son, Font you must feel so proud and happy, my sons are my rock, they build me up and support me when I'm feeling sad and make me laugh and see we are much better without that toxic man in our lives, and of course it's always nice to be appreciated isn't it?

Oh Font that is lovely.

And Hobbit, exactly!

font - great words - they know don't they!
izzie - starts week thursday - glad you have had a good day - & yes you are right about the most priceless things
paddling - at least you are laughing now - i never wanted to be a single mum either- I chose not to go out today because I didn't want to see all the "happy" families but my kids have done me proud today and I cant even count on having any sort of parenting relationship - ive lost all respect for STBXH - hes not who/what I thought he was - I made a lousy choice! - hes let them down- he'll never get that back!
hobbit next year will be ours - hopefully we will all be in a better place!

I hope you have all had a lovely Mother's Day, most of you seem like you have. I've got two thoughtful, lovely children and they have spoilt me today. Had breakfast in bed, lovely cards and my daughter told me that she wasn't going to see her dad after my son had gone back because she wanted to spend it with me instead.

Been thinking of you today WhyMe hope you've been okay.

Font that was lovely, your son's words are a wonderful reflection of you and everything you deserve. xx

Sorry for not commentating further individually but didn't get much sleep last night and am struggling to stay awake.

Mother's Day is a difficult one for me because my ex used to make sure that DS made a huge fuss of me but left to himself DS is lazy and not particularly caring. I did manage to drag him reluctantly to a shop and he bought presents and a card but nothing like the caring acts and messages that some of your DCs gave you. I hope it's a teenage thing and will pass.

Hey, Tabbie honey, don't be too despondent, teenagers are notoriously flippant about stuff sometimes, I remember vaguely from the year dot! .....
When I was one, ( a teenager , not a dot ) everything my lovely mum did was designed to thwart any chance I had of being "cool" and i think back now with horror at how I treated her.

I would give anything now to have her here with me, she was the loveliest, kindest mum to me and my siblings and we all adored her, I have shed a few tears tonight thinking of her and how she would have fought like a mama tiger against my twunt of a faithless husband.

So Tabbie my love, it will pass, this teenage phase, and he will recognise you for the strong supportive mum you are., x

Hi girls, sorry I haven't been on... had my first birthday and mothers day since mum passed so finding things difficult. I'll catch up with you all tomorrow.
Sending big hugs to you all and even when I'm not on here I do think of you.
xx

Tabbie yes! thank God, the teenage years do eventually pass and you will finally see the results of all of your hard work with them. Sons are very protective of their mothers when they get older, so you have lots to look forward to

Hobbit yes, I fully understand about your mum. I'm glad that neither of my parents are around to see what the man they welcomed as one of their own turned into and did. They would be heartbroken to see what he's done to their grandsons.

Why special thoughts for you.

iwas glad you had a lovely day and that DD decided to spend it all with you

MrsC go for it!

WWK thinking of you. Hold on in there, you're doing brilliantly

Green always thinking of you

bobs hope you're a little better now

everyone else we are further through this journey and we are all getting stronger and wiser, allowing ourselves a dip of course. KOKO xx

Thank you for your lovely messages Hobbit and Izzie. It doesn't help that he idolises his dad and believes all his lies but I know it's just because he hardly sees him and is desperate to keep the connection and is probably a bit scared of him. On the rare occasions he does spend time with his dad he comes down off of his pedestal fairly quickly and DS wants to come home after a few days.

Those of you with older DSs who sent you lovely Mother's Day messages and are protective of you - were they lazy and uncaring when they were 14/15?

Of course they were my love, that's the law of being a teenager ain't it? Being a teenager and a PITA goes hand in hand, although it has always been a "us against him "situation in our house, tbh, they are both now, as the Izzmeister says, very protective of me, and show contempt towards him.

I know that must be difficult for you, it is a difficult age to be without the added upheaval and stress of a parental breakup, he feels torn between the two of you, but knows that you are the one who ultimately will provide the stability he needs.

But boys identify with a male figure don't they? He still wants that connection with his "role model" even though we know that his version of that is flawed, and like you say, he soon wants to come back home after a few days. Stay strong my lovely, it's not you that's the problem here.

Teenage years are a trial, it will get better, x

Lovely words Hobbit. He's so stroppy at the moment and other teenagers that i know don't seem like that so I find myself wondering if he will always be that way. He's so rude to people he will never function in an adult world unless he improves. He adores my DBro who could not be more opposite to my ex in every way he's such a gentle soul and treats his wife so well so at least he has a good male role model in him.

my fanjo is as pristine as a mouses ear I'll have you know! Well that made me laugh Hobbit

Izzie glad you're back - whatever counts as normal nowadays ha! sounds like you're getting on top of things again.

Happy for those who had wonderful DC yesterday, sorry for those who do't quite get it. Yes DS teenagers can be something else unfortunately Tabbie I have known a lot like that I think you just have to ride it out. He loves you really I'm sure and it's good he has a role model in your DBro.

whyme it's really really tough that first year after your DM passes away. I found it incredibly hard. It does get easier once that year is over though xx

My Mum would be horrified if she was still alive to see where I am living now, especially in comparison to where he currently resides.

Had a nice evening out with DD1 on Friday - and yes a slight headache on Saturday.

Words written in DDs card on Sunday:
"Thank you for being the wonderful + caring + supportive + strong mother that you are. DD1 and I would be lose without you."

That had me in tears! I have tried so hard not to show I am too upset by all the events but unfortunately since the last mediation meeting I have just been a mess. It just shows what 2 hrs meeting and 20 min in the car park can do to me Plus the fact he has disclosed virtually nothing - 4 months bank statements, 7 months credit card and that's it. Not necessarily because there is anything to disclose either - just pure game playing.

DD1 has just gone back to uni. We went for long walks over the weekend. she is still struggling with the new meds but luckily get a doctor's note re missing tutorials. I am just aware that she has now seen how much everything is affecting me which I didn't mean to happen.

Will get a balanced view from Sol on Friday hopefully.

the twunt & BF are at it again - seems congratulations are in order for something - all the people that seem to support affairs with the damage they do to kids- shameful- but i guess they only hear one version and they are both capable of lies -and of course her kids are so much younger so have been spared the sordid details- unlike mine who are now anticipating the "replacement" of themselves in the same way i have been replaced - DDs words not mine -who'd like to make a guess as to what this may be about - i wonder if the kids will be updated - always tell when something is a foot as contact with kids goes out the window- maybe this is the "Im not separate to the kids" hitting home - so is going to destroy them for not seeing his view on things - he reckons i'm the one with mental health problems -his are just undiagnosed- im not the one out to harm my kids in pursuit of my own happiness! how can the courts harp on about kids needing both parents when all one is doing is destroying any self esteem they may have - are they not going through enough - no course not kids bounce back- a wedding on the cards just before gsce's should do it - just keep piling it on them and wont it be ironic if they flunk school after all the money you've paid out!- right now I want to put the house on the market and just get the hell out of here - if its going to happen may as well be now. I want to make a new life for me & the kids that he has no part of as know he is going to hurt them. He wont reply to my emails ive sent about paying my dividends to me directly because he just wants to pay me what he thinks i deserve - but I can pay the full tax quota when its next due I bet - he disgusts me - he disgusts my DF and he disgusts his DD- TWUNT

i hope her kids are perfect as otherwise they don't stand a chance - unless of course he has had a brain transplant and got rid of his OCD tendencies, his critical parenting style, his ability to tolerate annoying normal kidbehaviour, done some serious work on dealing with his irritability and stressy behaviour -oh & got rid of the money worries - hope you're made of strong stuff BF - and you weren't just going for the "sparkle" - because it was me that helped him get where he is now- 20 long years and Im having my share first - you can have whatever's left and just in case you don't know this is the second time he has just walked away so who knows could be a third! You are F88king welcome to him and thanks for getting him away from my kids.

Yes Bobs unfortunately they do often use the mediation process to play games and delay everything. I managed one session before realising it would be a waste of time and went the court route instead.

green what a twunt I wonder what that's all about more hurtful behaviour no doubt. I was amazed at the friends who openly supported my ex having an affair. I don't know if they were genuinely supportive or just going along with it to be polite or as you say had been told a load of lies and believed them. Sadly you find out who your true friends are and you end up with a lot less of them.

Hello all sorry, I've been a bit quiet lately. Well, actually, a bit rambunctious behind the scenes...but there you go, the reality of having a RL and a MN life!

Firstly thanks to Hobbit for letting me shelter at hers to help pass the time until 'execution day', which is how I was feeling about tomorrow most of last week! I think it's only fair I tittle tattle...she can cook! Real proper, nice, scrummy food. And, yes, her dog and I ended up in bed together...

I am strangely calm now I've seen the SHB and SHL regarding tomorrow. It will be what it will be, I have done the best I can, but from now on, only I can take care of me, without him distracting me, I think I'll be okay.

It's been a long, tough, shitty journey to get this far, but the one thing I can take away from it, is boy do I know how to make friends and influence people! Well, I had forgotten - but that's what happens when your self-esteem gets murdered.

That matters hugely to me because Mr. SW never seemed to want me to have my own friends, nor own beliefs, and also he seemed to have a view that I was a bit of the 'thick' side. Well, having blond hair does mean people assume things.

I have now got a huge collection of friends - all over the place!

Yesterday my best friend rang and we discussed the 'worst-case scenario' as a result. I'm glad his royal nastiness never, ever got the better of that friendship. He tried hard to.

And suddenly my worst-case scenario became a little less scary. It may involve sunshine. It will definitely involve a laptop...once I've bought a new one. On the plus, all the data from the old one has been recovered.

I also learnt along the way, and I wish this for all of you to: This is NOT my shame. I did not force him to be a cheat, a liar or a fraud. He chose to.

So, I'll still be here, but after tomorrow, I shall be just another pom pom shaker as you all head down the lonely road, but come out the other side with a 'certificate of survival'. The most precious certificate I shall ever own.

Take care.

well - all the best for tomorrow - you can hold your head high & sometime soon you will be able to sleep peacefully - if you can get your head round the worst case scenario anything else is a bonus - hence feeling like I had won the lottery when got BC results - hope this is how you feel - you derserve it - will be thinking of you - one last night to KOKOxx

Awwww... Shucks.. Thanks Well my lovely, you are welcome chez Hobbit any time, now my dog has fallen for you as well, instead of savaging you.

One more sleep, and then freedom! Obviously there are many scenarios that could come to pass, but I think you will get a good outcome, how could you not? He cannot defeat you, you are out of clutches, the deluded fuckwit , he has lost more than he knows.