HOBBITS BAR - still finding it hard to move on ......(part 3)

[greenberet]

here we go ladies & drifting dogs welcome too of the harvey kind!

grab your drinks - , and izzietinis dependant on time of day & how we are feeling

Original thread

Part two

anyone welcome, new, old, lurkers we share with you all.
no requirements re posting as & when, one offs, rants, extreme rants, blubbing we dont mind, we've done it all .

we like songs, we like pics, we like humour, we like the words "twunts" and "fuckwittery" & we send each other often!

Our motto KOKO and our theme tune

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what have i told myself about Twats on twittwoo! - (slaps head!)
back to the ironing - this is real life!

Green I think it is absolutely sick the way so many of these twunts are financially spiteful.

Oh yes, if there's really no money in the pot, the bitch won't hang around long. Just long enough to snare another meal ticket.

And if there is, it will all come out in time. See, they are too busy trying to relive their long lost youth to take their heads out of their backsides and do a bit of research concerning settlements. They are so entitled, they seriously believe they will have it all their own way. Wrong!

oh this has just made me laugh - just what I needed - my DS his answer when asked if he wants to meet her - "NO - she's a faggot!"

Rough justice re the 20K on IVF. Proof that you can't buy someone. And that being a father is much more than about creating a life. As your kids will no doubt eventually tell him

Go for it, DS!!

izzie you are so right about long lost youth - id love to be able to show you some of the stuff - one day - it makes me cringe! its so bloody pathetic! (grin)

ive been doing the spreadshits again today & it seems I am only worth 1/5th of what hes paying himself - wasnt somebody else's twunt doing this too - must be a twunts guide to fuckwittery somewhere - ive missed it on amazon - i think that should be the title of wells book!

Yes 1/5 I'm sure I read that on here too.

You know what, if I was employing solicitors and that was an opening offer, I would tell them to reply "Haha. Now let's have a sensible offer".

so what i want to know is how can you support IWD and be responsible for breaking a family apart! Is it not about respect for women!

Hi girls...
*Tabby...How can a loving father ruin his childs things is beyond me. Haven't they hurt them enough. What is wrong with them.
If my children got anything he didn't like for Christmas or birthdays he used to put it in the the loft or even the wheely bin without them even playing with it.
And you're right .. we are the DC security. My eldest said that she can't be sad when she's with daddy because she would be wasting his time! So our DC are not behaving normally.
I also agree that it is sexist that these creatures are allowed to do this and leave without any repercussions but we are the ones labelled 'single mother' as if we have a disease! We are stigmatised through no fault of our own.

Izzie...so he can flaunt his OW but the builder isn't allowed to know! What planet is he on. Trying to keep an air of respectability when he's dumped all over you. Mine even told the dog food delivery man that we have split up before his parents (and I had to tell them!).
'No regrets'....very apt.

Iwas...the cheating repeatedly is so hurtful...we could never understand why they do this. What goes on in their heads when they fall into bed with someone else and damn the consequences.
Your Mothers Day ideas and good and I will start that next year as I lost my mum before Christmas so not sure how I'm going to handle Sunday.

Hobbit...your words touched me. 'Did he actually hate me?' ...This underlines everything. How can these men act like this. Sometimes I feel hollow.

Green...our stbxh's must be twins...out splashing cash and leaving us with nothing. What great caring parents they turned out to be. They are so so selfish they see themselves as masters of the universe and they deserve this new exciting life. How shallow are they.

Girls...our only crime was to be loving, trusting and caring but unfortunately we choose Twunts who then got distracted by women who have no moral compass. Onwards and upwards...tick off another day.

Big hugs to you all. xx

Another snippet...my stbxh actually left before in 1998. Promised there was no one else. Got back together after a few months then I found out that he had had an affair with a married woman with 3 kids (it broke her marriage up). She turned up on my doorstep and warned me that he would do it again. But his feet were firmly back under the table and I fought to keep him. Why or why did I do that. God only knows.

Green...loved 'No she's a faggot' line. You're DS has got her spot on. See your children will keep you going.

Sorry to hear that you are struggling. How old are you DC Paddling? Are they young enough to pack off to bed right now so you can at least have a rest this evening? Very few people understand just how tough it is unless they have experienced it themselves but that was horribly insensitive to laugh at you. Sometimes I find it helps if I am overwhelmed with work to just plod on methodically in the time available and don't try to rush too much and you end up getting more done than you expected.

Hello Paddling (and Tabby) sorry you are struggling. I was going to suggest the same as Tabby that they have an early night if that's feasible. It's horrible when you are so tired and you'd just like a bit of peace and quiet. Have you any family or friends who could babysit one evening so you could just have a breather?

Hello Paddling I wonder whether you're having one of those "I can't do this! [for the rest of my life] moments in which it all becomes overwhelmingly too much? We all have them I'm sure.

1. Well done for sitting down and having a damned good cry.
2. Everyone is affected by divorce so some bad behaviour from your children is perfectly normal under the circumstances. This says nothing about your ability to parent.
3. Get yourselves all hugged up. Remind each other that bad days are just that. They are days - not life.
4. Tomorrow is another day. You get to try again tomorrow. Just give up on today.

KOKO.

Paddling...sending you a big hug. Don't think just because you're having a bad patch that it's for ever. It's not going to hurt the children if you have five mins downstairs. The chaos will still be there when you go back. You are doing brilliantly. You will feel drained and that's normal after the crap you're going through but don't be scared to ask for help. People are more understanding than you think.

Don't forget to tick today off as another achievement - even if it doesn't feel like it you still got through it. xx

WhyMe the Mother's Day ideas were Izzie's rather than mine so I can't take the credit. I know Sunday will be very hard for you, will be sending you hugs. xx

Apologies Iwas and thank you Izzie. Big hugs right back at you xx

Got court later on today about the children so can't sleep. Dreading looking at his smug face.

Thinking of you Paddling and Why and Tabby it's just so hard some days isn't it?
You just think, no, I can't do this, I don't want to do this, that's enough , no more!
And then likeWell says you feel overwhelmed by the enormity and stress of it all., but she gives very good advice in her post, so try to follow it if you can. You can do it , you will be able to cope, but it's just shit some days trying to KOKO.

Good luck for today whyMe don't worry if the judge is grumpy that seems to be their default persona but it doesn't mean that he/she won't see that you are a concerned mum who just wants the best for her DC.

Hope everything went okay in court, WhyMe - a tough day, I'm sure. To be honest Tabby if I had to listen to fuckwittery like judges do for a day job, I'd be in a permanent bad mood too! That said, they can cut through to the issues and find good solutions in many cases...there are some people who just want their own way come hell or highwater, and that sounds like your husband, WhyMe.

I had a major meltdown last night as my shiny new laptop broke. Honestly, compared to other things I have had to cope with, my reaction was melodramatic to say the least. However, owing tens of thousands of pounds already, it kind of puts it in perspective from both directions!

But today, I feel more "I can do this" and "meh" - so I took the laptop to be repaired (two weeks - gah!), realised I'd left my wallet at home, drove all the way back again, whereupon the car aerial decided to have a meltdown, but I got it fixed - go me! And finally the fucker paid the maintanence (after receiving a strong letter) so I've got all the household bills paid up to date again. It sometimes feels like a never ending nightmare - but it does end. For me, in seven days. Then I know where I stand, and I can only hope things get better when the bully is removed from my life. But that's all down to GG not being persuaded by his legal bods that I am an evil queen who deserves nothing!

I hope you're feeling better today too Paddling

Glad you're feeling better today Paddling. Every parent has a crap moment y'know - as long as it's not a permanent neglect thing, or something so careless it causes terrible damage, you can take it for granted you will get it wrong in some way! It is hard dealing with everything alone - that's why you had children with someone - to share the burden (and pleasure!) of it. So yes, it's just okay to go 'fuck it, I give up' occasionally when you're doing two jobs at a time and no running mate!

Well, I went for my mediation assessment today, can't say I was overwhelmed with the guy, a bit bland, I was recommended him though by my sol bestie, so let's keep everything crossed.

I did get a copy of fuckfaces form E, after asking for it three times, turns out he has officially moved in with her now, ( he did say he was renting a room from a friend) but that was probably all lies. I did ask him why he hadn't told me, he said I thought you knew!

What am I ? A fucking mind reader! Will have to change the address now with mediator and solicitor. That did hurt a bit actually seeing that he has made it official, although I knew it was always gonna happen, it still stung.

I really hope this is going to work out for me, it's the not knowing that is a killer isn't it ladies? Anyone got a crystal ball?

Hi all. Haven't posted for a few days because all the adrenalin from the mediation session last Thursday then dissolved into mush and I've spent the days after trying to work out in my head all the stuff that was said.

He plays such insidious mind-fuck games that it becomes difficult to put it into perspective and I'm not the quickest on the uptake. I have to let it percolate for a bit, then write stuff down. This is precisely why no contact is the only way to go!

Apparently I had told him some time ago he would never go to DD1's graduation or her wedding and it's a Dad's biggest thing to give his DD away (she said she didn't know she was engaged when I told her ) . Had to think about this and yes I did say this - if he continued to act the way he was she would not want hime to go. However it would be up to her. I asked him 3 times if he wanted me to ask DD to get him a graduation ticket - he would not give me a straight answer!

He managed to pull out a few sheets of the requested paperwork - waiting to get a copy.

All he can focus on is getting a 50% share of the house proceeds.

Another 2 hrs of shitty mind-fuckery Still nothing resolved. He nit picked on the irrelevant - in particular my mum's estate. Even with the mediator explaining stuff to him he just claimed not to understand.

S0.. I have some questions if anyone can answer:

1. If spousal support is paid, is this then not a clean break?
2. Can maintenance payments be paid for a DD at uni that are not dependant on the income of the one paying? Does this have to be put in place before uni starts?

From what I have read spousal means a clean break cannot be achieved but child maintenance can be payed and get a clean break.

1. Can someone retire early and claim reduced/no income other than from reduced pension as taken early, and therefore make a larger claim on the marital pot?

I'm going to have to bite the bullet and see my sol soon to discuss, I think, the absolute best deal I can offer. If this is not acceptable to him, then that's that - to court we go.

I have already said I do not want spousal or a share of his pension. as I will eventually get my inheritance. This despite the fact that his income is 3 times mine. I think this will become a very different story when barrister become involved!