Green I totally agree with your point about giving up paid work to look after the children. That's what was deemed the right thing to do, certainly when I was a child in the 60s. Clearly taking a career break impacts upon what you can do in the future. If I had worked when my sons were young, life would have been impossible, with him working till all hours. I gave up working for 10 years. So I have lost 10 years of a decent pension. The job I do now is not well paid, but it fitted in with the kids. The youngest was in yr 2 when I went back to work. So now I have a poorly paid job, with a poorly paid pension to come. And where would he be career wise if he had to be a single father??
I mean this in the most positive way possible, Green, but is there any way you could NOT rely on him to do things, in other words don't even ask him, but just try to do yourself? That may not be possible, I appreciate. But if you can, it would save you all the stress and aggravation caused by being constantly let down. I know it's not fair that they walk away from their responsibilities, but as one of my sons said today, clearly he's not going to help so don't even bother thinking about the fact that he should be doing some of these things. He then called him an arsehole. This is the son who still has a bit of time for him
Today I've been struggling to put more of the kitchen back together. I've been in tears, I've ben swearing, and I've had words with my youngest. Apparently at 11 DS2 texted the twunt to say something like why are you not helping mum. And apparently every time the twunt has been round and asked how DS2 is, he has said a bit of help would be appreciated! So yet again, he's badly let down this son. He badly let him down 18 months ago, and things have never recovered from that.
Conveniently, the twunt can't have noticed his text! Anyway, I have now texted him just to say that the rest of his clothes are here awaiting collection. I said nothing else.
I can't wait for karma. I doubt any of us three would help him in any circumstances now.
Well, after a lot of aggravation, we have done some very awkward things in the kitchen today. DS2 is not talking to me at the moment. However, that will pass, and as I look at what's been done today, I feel a sense of achievement, which will grow the longer the time elapses since finishing those bits.
I have been tempted to send a text telling him what I think of him, but actually I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing that I was annoyed. Ok so he knows I was earlier, because DS2 referred to me having a go at them when I was trying to do certain things. Whatever. I'm not wasting my energy on him. The longer he has been absent, the lesser the average of him seeing his kids. And the more it's obvious that he will only do things to help if it benefits him. Well he can enjoy that whilst he can, because, like Hobbit, when all the finances have been sorted! I will make it very clear to him exactly what I think of him as a person! husband! father. And will make it clear that he can stuff his wish for us to be friends where the sun doesn't shine. You don't get to be friends with someone you have share on from a great height, and continue to do so.
In reality he has nothing worth having now. I just wish I knew whether he has recognised that yet.