Hi all
Been a bit quiet in Rhyll lately. First week back at work always makes me tired.
Still not heard from Drifting. Let us know how you are.
It's 4 calendar months today since he buggered off. We have been doing fine without him, and I've definitely made a lot of progress, when it think back to the early days.
However, I've hit a bit of a low. I just feel I look pale and crap, and I need to get some new clothes etc, due to weight loss, but don't know what to get. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with the sheer volume of stuff that still needs doing re decorating, and all the incidental bits. I know I've done loads really, but I just feel urgh.
The more I think about him, the more it hits me the scale of what he's done. I do want him out of my life, so I can move away from all the bad memories. I wrote to FIL saying I didn't want that piece of furniture anymore. I'm glad I've done that, because I don't want contact with his family, who will no doubt have swallowed the lies, and will be firmly on his side. My family are more generous than that, although he's made no effort to contact them, spineless wimp.
There has been no noises from him re financial settlement. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Sometimes I'm quite happy about that, things stay the same financially. Other times I think I would like to know the worst case scenario. I keep thinking about the holiday home. That will go in time. Neither of us have been there since August. I don't want to go there and upset myself. I feel he should go and do the necessary, and then he can be in no doubt of what he has thrown away. Perhaps once he gets his new car, he will do so. My fear is that he will want to take the holiday home in settlement. That would be the ultimate betrayal. It was my idea, he wouldn't have even looked round the place were it not for me, and I made it a home. People have told me to sell it to him at a premium if need be, and that it would probably be inherited by the kids eventually, so financially it's a good move. If I really have to do that, it will be totally stripped out, furniture, everything. I bloody hate him.
I don't think I have any residual feelings for him now. Well, no good ones, I mean. That's progress, of course, but again it means it's final.
I think I'm just a bit tired and lethargic, interspersed with positive action, and I just need to get through it.
DS1 is fine with things. DS2 wants nothing to do with him although is struggling with it really. I can no longer mention anything about him to him without him bristling. I've suggested counselling but he said no. If I thought he definitely needed it, I would try to persuade him. But I think he'll be fine. Fortunately he doesn't take after his father, who couldn't unravel a piece of string, let alone his emotions. Which is why I'm here today. Fucking twat.