Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Arguing again

449 replies

Freeflying · 12/02/2015 19:40

I posted a couple of nights ago because I was feeling anxious after my partner had been angry with me. It has escalated from there and I don't even know what to do now, I am feeling scared and tired and it was just too much this time. It's like history repeating itself I was in an abusive relationship for 6 years before this one and i don't think I can do this.
I don't know what to do. I don't even know why I'm posting this, but I feel so scared and alone

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 19/02/2015 12:31

You know what to do Free. Get some real life support and update the police. If you are calmer now then it's time to step back into your own life. This daze you are in is understandable but paralysing. You need to eat and rest or you will literally collapse at every level. Read what Cogito said. Sound advice there.

Is his key with you or not? You seemed unsure.

Original poster
Freeflying · 19/02/2015 12:35

I don't know I literally haven't moved since I got dd out the door with my friend. Apart from that nothing. I feel like he threw it before he left but I don't know

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 19/02/2015 13:44

Free let's consider that he still may have the key. That you do not know if he can get in to your flat or not. Is it a communal entrance before reaching your door? If so it was not allowing him through the buzzer that prevented his entry. That was a good action on your part but not a guarantee that he won't be buzzed/allowed in by someone else.

You need to make sure he cannot get into your flat. You have to protect yourself. The police need to know he has been at the door. Locks need to be changed, really. Phoning 101 would get you advice if you could get yourself moving and talking again.

DD will be home soon. You need to be out of this paralysed state to keep you both safe. You kind of need to wake up now, dear Free

RandomNPC · 19/02/2015 14:22

It's time to take control to protect yourself, by being so passive you're putting yourself at risk. Change the locks, speak to the police on 101, try and talk to Women's Aid.

Original poster
Freeflying · 19/02/2015 14:43

I think it's what I deserve

OP posts:
RandomNPC · 19/02/2015 14:49

It very definitely isn't what you deserve. It certainly isn't what your daughter deserves either.

chimchimini · 19/02/2015 15:20

Free, I'm rubbish about this sort of thing but I really think you need to ring your GP and get an emergency appointment. I know how much the receptionist will try and put you off but TELL HER that you have been raped and you are considering self harm. Your health is really important, you can't look after your daughter if you can't look after yourself.

Your friend knows now, that's a huge step forward. What about your family? Is there anyone you can stay with. You need some space, you need to get your strength back.

Please ring Women's Aid, it doesn't matter if you don't know what to say. They will help you through it, it's what they're there for. And please update the police.

You can't do this on your own. And the truth is, you don't have to. You deserve a better life and there are people out there who can help you. You need to let them.

And ffs, if you are home alone , keep your door locked and bolted. Change the locks. Keep the phone with you. If you are worried ring the police. It's their job!!

Original poster
Freeflying · 19/02/2015 16:56

Everything is locked up and my curtains are shut Im going to get up and have a shower today and then maybe eat I know I need to Im sorry im being so stupid I don't even know how to do anything

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 19/02/2015 17:05

I totally agree with Random and chim.

WHY do you think you deserve this? Are you in the process of thinking that you've saved your DD from him by giving her to a friend so that you can meet your fate? This isn't how it goes, Free. Friend will return DD. Then what?

How old is DD? You need real life help and support. Now. It might be GP, police, Women's Aid, Social Services. It might be all of them. You sound utterly open to abuse, totally vulnerable and I am seriously worried about you.

tipsytrifle · 19/02/2015 17:10

Cross posted Free. You cannot live in a self imposed siege forever, dear girl. You are not being stupid at all and if you're going to get a shower that's a huge step forward.

I think you've been atrociously abused for so long that you've been knocked out of yourself. You reached out here and I'm honoured that you did.

Original poster
Freeflying · 19/02/2015 18:13

I don't know what to say, I don't really know what to do, I'm hopping to feel better and then get started on getting help because I know I need it. Dd is 7 months.

OP posts:
Original poster
Freeflying · 19/02/2015 18:38

I have put on some food. Can't remember how long for my pasta, I'm sorry please could someone tell me

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 19/02/2015 18:45

Come on OP. You've cooked pasta before. Try to focus

tipsytrifle · 19/02/2015 18:53

DD is 7mths? I guess she is on bottle feed then? Yes, come on Free focus and cook the pasta. It will show you when it's done.

Original poster
Freeflying · 19/02/2015 19:17

Yes she is bottle fed now my friend took some formula with her.i am thinking of asking my friend to have her tonight but I don't know

OP posts:
AttitcusFinchIsMyFather · 19/02/2015 19:25

You need to start making some decisions for yourself ...?

tipsytrifle · 19/02/2015 19:27

What will you do? Let friend feed her til formula runs out? Feed DD at home til formula runs out and you have no more pasta? I don't mean to sound harsh but you need to have an active plan going on here Free

Have the police phoned you or contacted you about the incidents that took you to them and hospital?

SecretNutellaFix · 19/02/2015 19:44

There's no need to try coping quietly, all on your own.
Womens Aid, samaritans, the police if you feel threatened.

PUGaLUGS · 19/02/2015 19:45

You have gone very quiet. How are you coping now?

Original poster
Freeflying · 19/02/2015 19:46

I'm sorry I'm making everyone frustrated I don't mean to

OP posts:
Original poster
Freeflying · 19/02/2015 19:52

I know I need to fix it I know I'm weak and stupid. Sorry

OP posts:
RandomNPC · 19/02/2015 19:59

You're not weak and stupid, I think it's overwhelmed you. People only want the best for you. You can do this, you're stronger than you think.

tipsytrifle · 19/02/2015 20:02

You need to fix this but you can't fix it alone - use the help available to you. You are not weak or stupid.

Original poster
Freeflying · 19/02/2015 20:15

I am going to call womens aid

OP posts:
Thevirginmummy1 · 19/02/2015 20:33

That's brilliant. One step at a time. I'm sure they'll be a massive help. Make sure you eat something/anything. Xxx