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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Arguing again

449 replies

Freeflying · 12/02/2015 19:40

I posted a couple of nights ago because I was feeling anxious after my partner had been angry with me. It has escalated from there and I don't even know what to do now, I am feeling scared and tired and it was just too much this time. It's like history repeating itself I was in an abusive relationship for 6 years before this one and i don't think I can do this.
I don't know what to do. I don't even know why I'm posting this, but I feel so scared and alone

OP posts:
bluejelly · 28/02/2015 15:39

Do you think she has a temperature? Does she seem unwell? Do you have any calpol in the house?

Original poster
Freeflying · 28/02/2015 16:23

She seems really sleepy but I've given her calpol we went to the shops

OP posts:
Thevirginmummy1 · 28/02/2015 16:48

See how you get on with the calpol. It's magic stuff! Trust your instinct rather than relying on a thermometer. Try 111 for nhs direct but if you can't wake her or she's unusually sleepy call 999. Otherwise I'd say give the calpol a couple of hours to kick in and take it from there. Don't worry about over-worrying. Medical staff would rather you called 999 and it not be as serious as you thought rather than you be hesitant to phone and it turn out to be serious. Xxx

tipsytrifle · 28/02/2015 16:49

I think calpol does make little ones sleepy, so no worries. There are plenty of colds around so maybe she has one coming on? Hopefully you enjoyed the shops. Lovely to see you coping so well - i just wish you would believe how well you're doing!

weedinthepool · 28/02/2015 16:56

See, even though you feel like you are not coping & you don't know what you are doing as far as mothering your Dd you are doing great! You are meeting her needs by a) recognising she is hot b) worrying about that c) deciding to do something about it and going out & purchasing medicine d) giving dd the medicine & keeping an eye on her. Your parenting capacity is really high even though you are in trauma! If I was assessing you I would say you are coping really well, some parents I deal with don't even get to point A and they haven't had your recent events to deal with. Please don't give up on yourself. How us your dd now?

Original poster
Freeflying · 28/02/2015 19:15

She is the only thing I have in this world I have no idea how me and him made something so beautiful and precious and I feel like I'm not doing well enough she is still v sleepy and not really herself but I will give her some more calpol soon I think. I feel sick with guilt and scared

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 28/02/2015 19:25

You have no need of guilt, Free. Why do you feel guilty? You are NOT at fault for the horrors that have been done to you. Settle down for a quiet night watching over your beautiful DD who was made with your love.

TheMShip · 28/02/2015 19:44

Delurking to say Calpol every 6 hours, and if you feel it's not keeping your baby comfortable, phone NHS 111 for advice. We were told to overlap doses of Calpol with ibuprofen in a similar situation, but if you are at all worried, do call and a nurse will give you a ring back within a few hours.

It might be a restless night ahead for both you and your baby, but that's ok, that's just normal parenting, don't let it throw you for a loop. You're doing amazingly well after everything you've been through. It's ok to feel the way you do, they are your feelings and they are totally valid. Every time you accomplish something, even if it's just going to the shops or taking a shower, you'll get better feelings, and one day, eventually, you'll notice that the good feelings are more than the bad.

Keep posting, it seems to be helping, especially with the practical suggestions about who to phone, and there's lots of support here for you.

Original poster
Freeflying · 28/02/2015 19:50

I think it's my fault that Dd is ill maybe I have stressed her out not having her with me all the time or me being stresses maybe has made her ill. I have been reading while I sit with her and seen that I've missed lots of posts on here asking questions in sorry.

OP posts:
TheMShip · 28/02/2015 20:00

Babies and toddlers get sick all the time, it's not your fault. How's she doing now?

Original poster
Freeflying · 28/02/2015 20:04

She's sleepibg again but she doesn't feel as hot. I didn't have money to buy a thermometer too. I don't know what's best to do

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 28/02/2015 20:06

Dear Free - cold virus is in the air and moisture that surrounds us, contact too. If DD has caught a cold it is NOT your fault. She may have caught it at friend's home as it takes a few days to incubate.

You tend to project how rubbish you feel about yourself onto DD and then reverse it back onto your inner burden as more/new blame. When help arrives I hope it will gradually show you that you are an excellent mother and not at fault for any of the shit stuff.

Don't worry about what you can't absorb from us responding to you either. Just know that we are responding positively and supportively. We're on your side, even if you don't understand a word we say!

Did you think to buy chocolate for yourself when you were out earlier?

tipsytrifle · 28/02/2015 20:08

I think if she is sleeping and cooled down then the calpol has done its job. Just let her sleep, dear Free. You don't have to do anything.

TheMShip · 28/02/2015 20:13

Sleep is the best thing for a wee one who's under the weather. If you don't have a thermometer, use the kiss test to check for fever. If you kiss her forehead does she feel cool/neutral, or does she feel hot? If she starts to feel hot again around 5-6 hours after a dose of Calpol, give her another dose and keep that up.

Now that she's asleep, take care of yourself. Have a shower or a bath, put on some clean pyjamas, eat something, and have a big glass of water (and that chocolate tipsy mentioned!).

Original poster
Freeflying · 28/02/2015 21:17

She's awake and she won't stop screaming she won't drink her milk and I think she's hot should I take her to somewhere

OP posts:
TheMShip · 28/02/2015 21:21
  1. If it's been 5 hours or more since the last dose of Calpol, give her another dose.
  2. Strip her down to just a nappy.
  3. Give it 15-20 minutes for the Calpol to take effect, carry her around the flat, try the milk again at intervals.
  4. If she's not calmed down and cooled down, call NHS 111 and ask for professional advice.
Thevirginmummy1 · 28/02/2015 21:52

I'd call 111. Not because I think there's anything seriously wrong but because I think you need the reassurance of a healthcare professional.

It's certainly not your fault. Kids get ill. ALL the time. It's now that they start building up their immunity. Horrible now but she'll be stronger for it. Much like you will.

Go now and phone 111 and they'll talk you through it.

Xxx

Original poster
Freeflying · 28/02/2015 22:15

We are staying here she is still crying but I don't know what else to do I can't call 111

OP posts:
TheMShip · 28/02/2015 22:26

Sure you can call, I've done it about half a dozen times. They'll take your phone number in case the connection goes, run through a script of questions with you, then most likely tell you a nurse will phone you back with advice and if necessary they'll direct you to an all night gp clinic or a&e. The nurses are great once you get the call back, very kind and helpful. You're not wasting anyone's time, you're a concerned parent doing the right thing.

Sorry for any typos, am on my phone in the dark with toddler ds asleep on my lap, this virus is a nasty one and he's been feverish/coughing for a couple of days.

CunningCat · 28/02/2015 22:46

Bless you Flowers please ring 111 if you are worried. Is there a friend you can call?

Original poster
Freeflying · 28/02/2015 23:08

They got me an appointment with a gp at the emergency surgery for my baby

OP posts:
Thevirginmummy1 · 01/03/2015 02:45

Well done for calling. How's your baby now? You're doing brilliantly. It's such a minefield when they're ill cos you don't know what to do for the best. Hope she's a bit better now. Well done again. Am here for a bit of you need anything cos my DD won't sleep.

Xxx

TheMShip · 01/03/2015 07:42

Good on you for phoning. You're clearly a capable parent to your baby. I hope all is well this morning and you've both had some much needed sleep.

Original poster
Freeflying · 01/03/2015 14:16

It's just a virus they said but I haven't slept all night, am exhausted now but dd seems happier they gave me a thermometer too and ibuprofen and another calpol. I am functioning today I guess. Thank u all again

OP posts:
Thevirginmummy1 · 01/03/2015 15:11

Glad she's ok - or at least nothing badly wrong. She'll be fine in a few days. You will be exhausted bless you but at least you know she's ok and you had the strength to get her checked out. Well done! Early night tonight. Xxx

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